I saw this photo yesterday, and it made me think I should be friends with more chimps - if only from a funeral planning perspective. Also, I thought it was pretty amazing.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Photo of the Day
Birthday Wishes Do Come True!!!!!
Where Have You Gone Nelson De La Rosa?
I am not watching much of this World Series. There are two reasons for this:
(1) I would rather watch a preseason basketball game than subject myself to 4 hours of baseball (I would rate baseball as my 6th or 7th favorite sport to watch on TV, somewhere after Quiddich but ahead of cricket which can go on for days)
(2) I am an unabashed Mets fan. Again, don't ask me to actually watch a Mets game but I like the Mets. I like the Mascot, I like that Keith Hernandez was drinking in his underwear when his team came back and won the 86 World Series; I like that that the sad story of Doc Gooden is part of mythology of the NY Mets. I like that I can follow the whole tragedy on blogs/existential crisis command center for the chronically depressed like Fear and Faithful in Flushing.
As a Mets' fan, it is intellectually inconsistent to have a rooting interest in this World Series. Met fans hate the Yankees and Met fans hate the Phillies. Also Philadelphians are animals, no one wants to be associated with them. So if you are me, what do you do? I am with a tribe, my tribe has already been conquered. i say I need to stick to it. So instead of rooting or caring, I will hope that somehow both team buses end up in a bloody pile up somewhere on the NJ Turnpike.The only person I don't wish this fate on is Pedro. Maybe he can be hurled from the wreck before the petrol catches fire...
Why? Easy. Pedro is the greatest pitcher ever. I hope he throws 7 shut out innings tonight and makes everyone (NY Mets included) eat it. Then I hope he goes and makes up with Nelson De La Rosa, his mascot/good luck charm from the "Cowboy Up" Red Sox of 2004 - the only interesting baseball moment of the 00s.
Come on Pedro, man up, be a friend!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
World Series!
Umm, hey. Err, you have some white stuff on your face, Robinson Cano.
On a related note... World Series starts today! WOOOO! Go Yankees!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
My Pants are Wet Because of Goldman Sachs
Dear Lloyd -
I am at work this morning, as you probably are too. But my pants are soaking wet, and I'm sure yours are not.
More...
"What happened!?" you ask? Well, Lloyd, as you know it is a rainy day. These things happen. And as you know on rainy days in NYC puddles form (you'll find this same phenomenon wherever else in this world you may have homes or kingdoms). Such puddles formed this morning on Stone street. You know Stone Street as the 2 short blocks both east and west of your building - the street the city allowed you to bi-sect when Goldman built the hideous building you now occupy. (I like your new tower at World Financial Center much better - much less goth). Remember when they found all those bones and history and interesting stuff? That street.
As myself and a crowd of others were walking down Stone Street (a consequence of taking public transportation to work), a complete and total jackass in a silver Range Rover SPED UP at the end of the intersection to drive faster through a large puddle in the street. He soaked 6-8 of us. I'm sure he had hoped for more.
Predictably this asshat then pulled over right in front of your building, 85 Broad, where he picked up a dude that had just walked out of the same building. The driver had a big grin on his face. Was really proud of himself. Had he not then sped off, he was about 10 seconds away from a fantastic mob beating. I had already decided my contribution was going to be breaking off his rear view mirrors and smashing them on his face. Would have been so cool.
So, Lloyd, here I am, in my wet pants, without any vengeance to show for it. So I think you owe me. I think you owe me a pair of pants, and maybe even a steak dinner. "Why me?" you ask? Why not. If you are going to employ total jackasses, then you should have a budget set aside to resolve their idiocy.
Thanks for understanding Lloyd. I know you aren't such a bad guy. But I also know you are a rich one. So let's get this settled post haste.
KillerB1
Mad Men - Episode 11 - The Gypsy And The Hobo
Evil
Wow, wow, wow! The most consequential Mad Men episode to date. Can't wait to read Xtian's usually serviceable analysis of it when he finally gets around to posting it. I won't reveal any spoilers. Although I will say that Betty was so detestable yet again in this episode! And so was the Rape Doctor. Since Pete Campbell wasn't in this episode, the Rape Doctor must have felt the need to channel Campbell and play the role of the petulant child.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Mad Men Episode 11: The Gypsy and the Hobo
The status quo is irrevocably flipped on its ear!
Roger meet his season's quota of witty one liners in one scene!
Campbell and Cosgrove are still nowhere to be seen, put out an APB!
More...
A former client who sells horse meat as dog food shows up and asks SC for help. Apparently, she broke Roger's heart 25 years. Now she's back and in addition to procuring advertising services she is also looking to get the, heretofore unseen, Sterling. She's all like "let's roll in the hay" and Roger is all like "nah, you dumped me". Then she's all like "we are like the pair in Casablanca". Roger is all like "No way, she left him for someone awesome, you left me for a chump". Finally, she's like "come on, give me the high hard one". Roger ends it with "I got a 25 year old hottie at home, its awesome. peace" AND SCENE (Its hilarious when acted out by John Flattery. Nice job JF!)
Still Roger is not all stone cold. Joan calls him and asks for help with a job. Roger flirts, flirts some more, and finally full on sleazes. She is polite and to the point. Roger clearly sort of loves her. After his Heisman of the horse meat queenm he sets out to help Joanie out. Clearly that will bite him in the ass later.
On the home front, Joan's perfect life is now completely undone. Dr. DateRape can't seem to sell himself as a psychiatrist and just wants to cut dudes up. I debated changing his name from Dr. DateRape to Dr. WoahIsMe because he is so pathetic. Finally, he explains to Joan that she has no idea what its like to do everything correctly and still not get what you want. Right, Joan has no idea what he's talking about. One second she thinks she is marrying Dr. Awesome the next minute he is a failure/date rapist/mega d*uche. She is so incensed by this self absorption she has not choice but to whack him with a vase. He must have gotten a concussion or something because the next thing you know he has enlisted as a doctor in the army.
Don packs off Betty and the kids to sort out Gene’s estate. Betty’s brother shows up to play the part of the chump and remind everyone why Betty is so attracted to Don’s take charge style. There is some hilarity when Betty closes the door to discuss Don’s hidden past with the family attorney. Aside form the late 50s gender politics goofiness of the lawyer’s advice; we also get Betty’s brother banging on the door like an insolent child being left out of an important discussion. The writers must have decided that if they weren’t going to use Campbell in this episode the least they could do is channel his whininess through several other characters. HAH.
Don is the man. He is all about Hot4Teacher. He wants to take her to CT while Betty is away. They are set to go but Betty catches him when he tries to put together a bag for his trip. She confronts him then and there in the most forceful way possible. John Hamm plays Dick Whitman in a completely different way than he does Draper. Draper is in control, Whitman is emotional and weak. The physical difference is noticeable; he can barely light a cigarette. Don’s cigarette smoke also makes a break for it, no sass from that jackass this week.
Betty demands the truth and Don/Dick gives it. In rather harsh detail, Betty cornered him and got him to reveal every piece of his history - his mother the prostitute, his drunk father, his step mother, Uncle Mack and of course poor Adam. Learning that Draper actually blames himself for Adam’s death is new. I never considered it before, but I guess they have raised the specter of this guilt before when he has gone out of his way to help Sal, Peggy and even when he helped H4T’s brother. The desperation in his face as he admits to Betty that it was never obvious to him why she loved him at all was sort of compelling. I mean seriously, Don went from a man in complete control to a disheveled mess in about 30 seconds. AWESOME.
Betty’s strength is important here, child-goddess Betty would not have deserved the truth in Draper’s mind. Draper loves strong willed independent women, and Betty does not fit that mold, until now (?).
The entire conceit of this show is that Don Draper is a man who through sheer force of will, can maintain full control of every aspect of his life. So much so that he can will an entirely new persona into existence and an ideal life from out of nowhere. His life is the living embodiment of his work, perfect, inspiring and a complete fraud. This week that was all undone. The entire show is built around Don struggling to maintain this lie. Where do they go from here?
The episode ends with his son dressed as a hobo and his daughter as a gypsy, ready to trick or treat. Betty inexplicably decides to stand by her man, undermining her earlier strength. Or maybe there is a new status quo. They are now co-conspirators after all…
This episode was so awesome I thought of two completely different songs while I watched it. "Ask Me Anything" by the Strokes and "All Falls Down" by Kanye. For serious.
KillberBs' Breakfast Update
Today for breakfast I had 2 lamp chops and some roasted rosemary potatoes with 2 cups of coffee. Before leaving the house I also had a glass of seltzer water, a fish oil tablet, a multi-vitamin, and 2 low-dose Bayer. You gotta keep the heart healthy!
The lamp was leftover from last night's dinner - a lost episode of Cooking With KillerB. I forgot to take any photos until I was almost done.
KillerB2 made herself 2 scrambled eggs.
Photo Of The Day
Option #1: "Jessica Gil Ortiz of Colombia falls during her routine in the women's floor final at the Gymnastics World Championships in London on Monday. Gil Ortiz was taken to hospital after the fall."
Option #2: "This is a metaphor for evil's life."
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sweet Poncho Advert
This brilliant bit of NSFW advertising featured in Boston's Weekly Dig really got me thinking about a nice, warm poncho for the cool, fall weather.
Poncho Ad from Weekly Dig
Friday, October 23, 2009
KillerB1 Needs Your Help
I have gotten into a nasty habit of not eating breakfast the past few weeks - which is terrible. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. We all learned this in the 2nd grade. But here I am, adult KillerB1, skipping breakfast.
As background, you should know that for most of my adult life I have skipped breakfast. But, about a year ago, I said "ENOUGH". My metabolism moves at a glacial enough pace - further exacerbating that by skipping breakfast was unacceptable. So, I started eating a bowl of whole grain cereal with soy milk every morning. It was enjoyable enough. And so it was for 12 months.
Then, a few weeks ago I ate my last box of cereal and haven't replaced it. I can't eat another bowl of Honey Clusters. Now I'm just drinking coffee and going to work. TERRIBLE. And sometimes when I get to work, I buy a $6 sausage egg and cheese sandwich from Pax. Expensive and not healthy!!! TERRIBLE!
So, I'm looking for new in-home breakfast recommendations. What are Hosers eating to get their day started right?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Winter Reading List
Every Christmas, several members of my family look on my amazon.com wishlist and pick several books to give me as a gift. This keeps me knee deep in books well into the summer so I take it pretty seriously.
I have already included Klosterman's new book, the most recent Hornby, and a collection of Nick Tosches writing - still I am pretty sure I am missing some good stuff. Please let me know if anything comes to mind...
obrigado
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Guy I'm Tired Of Looking At
I'm getting tired of this guy. For the past 2-3 months, everytime I go to cnn.com he is just sitting there, flexing in front of me on the bottom right of the page. Just above an add for teaching me how to raise my credit score.
Many Hosers and readers have met me, and know what I look like, but many others have not. For those who have not, let me assure you there is nothing about me that would suggest I could care about this guy or the "naturally bigger muscles" he is trying to sell me. We have the same hairline, and that is where the similarities end. He's creeping me out. How do I get him off of my page?
(He clearly is natural. Don't let the fact that it is a stock photo (as indicated by the shutterstock watermark in the lower righthand corner) fool you. This guy is natural. Clearly.)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Dear Guy in Red Shorts
Yeah, you. The guy who abruptly jumped off of the treadmill right in front of me after being on for just a few minutes. Jumping off just moments before the first tendrils of the worst gym fart ever began snaking up my nose. My God!!! What a horrible gym fart. And now you are gone, and all of the women on nearby equipment are looking at me, like I'm some sort of horrible gym fart animal. Well I see you, red short guy. I see you over by the water fountain, looking back at the treadmill you just prematurely jumped off of. I see you looking back.... wondering.... guilty. And you see me, and you crawl to the locker room. YOU - ARE - AN - ASS. You are worse than airplane fart guy by a factor of 10.
Ask xTian: Should the Jets bench the Sanchize?
As the NY Jets fall to 3-3 we take a hard look at whether they should bench their top draft pick and starting Quarterback Mark Sanchez
More...
So apparently, being a Quarterback in the NFL is harder than we all thought. Interesting.
Rex Ryan decided not to bench Sanchez yesterday, but I would have been OK with it if he did. Not because I was worried about the game but because I was worried about his psyche. In the 4th quarter he was locking on receivers and the ball was sailing on him. The Bills secondary ate that up. He was done for the day. Blasphemy you say? Not really. Why would I be ok benching Mark? Two reasons:
(1) A little benching never hurt anyone
Here is an interesting fact, in the history of the NFL three Quarterbacks have been taken #1 overall and made it to the Hall Fame. They are in order - Terry Bradshaw, John Elway and Troy Aikman (Namath was taken 1st overall in the AFL draft so I leave him out of this part of the discussion and Peyton is not in the Hall of Fame yet). Surprisingly, all three were benched at least once in their rookie season some more than once. I still think somewhere in his heart Jimmy Johnson thinks Steve Walsh is a better QB than Troy (shut up Jimmy). Despite this setback, each rose to the occasion, took their benching like a man, got to watch the game for a minute and learn instead of just getting his clock cleaned all day. Getting benched mid game is not a one way ticket. Anyone can come back from that.
(2) First years are hard on rookie QBs. Here are first year numbers for notable QBs:
Name Year Age Tm G GS QBrec Cmp Att Cmp% Yds TD Int
Namath 1965 22 NYJ 13 9 3-5-1 164 340 48.2 2220 18 15
Elway 1983 23 DEN 11 10 4-6-0 123 259 47.5 1663 7 14
Aikman 1989 23 DAL 11 11 0-11-0 155 293 52.9 1749 9 18
Manning 1998 22 IND 16 16 3-13-0 326 575 56.7 3739 26 28
Everyone one of them looked awful and cost their teams games. The Colts were awful so people were fine with Peyton sailing passes all year. Different situation for the Jets. People see them as a borderline playoff team, but borderline playoff teams are .500 teams (or worse) if you let your rookie QB go thru growing pains. Tough call for the team.
There are outliers. Last year, Joe Flacco had a "good year" but really he just hid behind a very good Ravens defense. Matt Ryan handed the ball off to Michael Turner 400 times last year and learned a lot. This year he spends a quarter of his life dumping off to Tony Gonzalez.
This does not absolve Mark of some very clear improvements he needs to make
- He does not protect the ball terribly well when on the move
- He locks onto receivers sometimes, which gives the secondary time to adjust
Yesterday in particular - with Crotchery out of the game, Braylon in a regular double team and Dustin Keller running sloppy routes the Bills sat on Sanchez's look and pounced on the ball. Horrible. This is not good. I will admit, I blame it all on global warming, Sunday played like December. In December, Giants Stadium befriends no man. If you are Kerry Collins, Vinny Testaverde, or a young Brett Favre you throw the ball hard enough that it can knife through those winds. If you are Phil Simms, Chad Pennington or even Boomer Esaison you throw low and you throw tight. If you don't do this your ball gets too much of the swirly under it. People start thinking you aren't a good QB even though you are top 5 at your position (Yes - I still love Eli).
That is two games that Mark has cost the Jets (and counting). By no means, do I think Mark belongs in the same category with anyone mentioned above yet, but similarly we can't discount him yet either. It's all a learning process
Still, he should start against Oakland. Woo, but Rex should not be afraid to pull him if it gets ugly.
You Know You're A Douche When...
Evil
You know you're a douche when...
* Your delusion of grandeur is being a reality TV star
* You name your son "Falcon"
* You teach your kids to lie
BTW- A secondary douchebag award goes to Wolf Blitzer for his behavior in the above clip. After Richard Heene fakes "being appalled" (what a terrible actor he is!), notice how Wolf Blitzer sticks his tail between his legs and starts kissing ass. Pathetic. Katie Couric would have savaged that dude.
Shocker at the WSJ
Did anyone see the front page of the Wall Street Journal today? There in bold, two-inch font was the banner headline: "Colleagues Finger Billionaire."
What are we to make of this? Are we, as a country, mature enough to ignore the double entendre? Am I the only one that got a giggle out of seeing this in the conservative/financial paper of record?
I found it particularly amusing given that the paper's owner, Rupert Murdoch, married a colleague half his age who has almost certainly had to finger the old billionaire. Is this an editorial swipe at the new owner, or just Finance with a Fox Attitude?
PS - I usually like to add a photo to my posts, but typing "finger" into Google Images proved to be a treacherous experiment in workplace inappropriateness.
PPS - Update! Xtian pointed me to a good picture of the front page in question.
Mad Men Episode 10: The Color Blue
The Couch Commie still sucks but now even he realizes. Betty learns that Don’s whole life is a lie (but she’s dumb so she can’t piece it all together). Lane Price grows a heart. Hot4Teacher is a total looney tunes and Don remembers the “Hobo Code”.
The most action packed episode of the series. To make up for it the last 5 episodes of the season will probably contain 240 minutes of intense staring.
More...
Don is doing Hot4Teacher nightly and ever so rightly. Post Coital – they break down how silly little children can be and how one 8 year old asked Hot4Teacher how she knows that when she sees blue he is seeing the same blue. She says something sufficiently nutty about how she doesn’t but she was really moved by his ability to make her access such a question from her own memory and perception. Then she blew the 8 year old, kidding…maybe. Her brother then shows up and while Don's cigarette sees an embarrassing junkie and calls it like he sees it. H4T just sees her epileptic brother in trouble. Don wants nothing to do with the kid and breaks out till the tool blows town. Hot4Teacher follows him onto his commuter train to confront him. CREEPY!
Randomly, Don’s cigarette softens and “befriends” the kid based on his commitment to the hobo code, which apparently Don’s cigarette still subscribes even though his master has traded it in for a SterlingCooper binding contract (and signing bonus).
All this teacher banging puts the Draper household on edge. So much so that a simple errant phone call puts Don and Betty on the defensive with their paramours. Henry puts Betty in her place and Don confronts H4T on a train (still creepy) but not before his cigarette is all like “don’t call me at home b*tch”. Betty is so confused she finally accesses the drawer of secrets and discovers Don’s divorce papers, his deed to the house in California, two sets of dog tags and several Whitman family photos of depression era poverty and joyless childhoods. She doesn’t know what to make of it all but boy is she steamed! I assume she perceives that Don has been hiding a first marriage, but that’s because she does not have the benefit of three seasons of incredibly deliberate (if you are catjjy replace deliberate with plodding) plot development. She is so steamed that when its time to join the charade and play Betty Draper – MILF Queen of the Universe – she debates it for about 5 minute, considers confronting Don and ultimately gives up. I ALMOST pity you this week Betty. Nice job by, writers.
In office news, (What? They work?) the couch commie comes to grips with his own mediocrity. He thinks Peggy is more appreciated first because she is Don’s pet and second because she’s a woman. Peggy’s perception of her relationship with Don is pretty much entirely based on him recently telling her she is completely replaceable. Kingsly drinks till he forgets his genius idea and gets bailed out on the Western Union pitch by Peggy. He suddenly realizes he sucks and she is actually very good. Poor Kingsley joins the ranks of thousands of Princeton grads, embraces his mediocrity and skulks away, supposedly to drink more.
Lane Price, still totally aware of how disposable he is to the folks in Londontown, realizes he loves NY and his pals at SterlingCooper. Again the perceptions are at work here. His wife’s hatred of NY is based on its crassness. To Lane, obviously of more humble beginnings it is a place to reinvent himself, free of his apparently non Oxford pedigree. This and his overlords rather dismissive decision to sell SC rock his world. He tries his best to make friendly with both Don and Bert. Both of which seem to sorta work. Are we gearing up for a new CooperDraperPrice ad agency run by Joan, with Sal in charge of television?
Mercifully, Roger returns to his rightfully place, cracking jokes and having to put up with his aunt confusing his wife with his daughter.
The episode ends with a Scarface level ham-handed (not Hamm-handed) “The World is Yours” blimp scene. SterlingCooper, which really no longer exists except in the poor deluded minds of its employees, has a 40th Anniversary Celebration with the Brits (who could care less and only see this as a springboard to $$) pushing Roger (who hates Don) to recognize Don’s leadership (who is not at all Don and now several people in this room know it) and his wife’s loyalty and support (HAHA) in front of a bunch of clients who took turns storming out last week.
Prediction – Betty seemed completely non-pulsed by the large amount of cash in the drawer of secrets. She’s pretty, but she’s dumb – because homeboy is getting ready to bounce!
(Btw, image above- Last Supper Much?)
Subscribe to:
Comment Feed (RSS)
Posts
