More Quickie

This gives me the creeps. what a D-Bag...

Quickie

Evil

Was at the Starbucks to pick up an afternoon coffee. Watched two guys in business suits tickle fighting while the barista was making my latte.

Please Fess Up

Who was the other person that voted that the slumping economy will put The Hose out of business? I am really interested in knowing. I was the other two votes. How can the rest of you be so in denial? C'mon People!

Found In Patagonia - Car Crash Circa 1932?

After Hours by We are Scientists

Planning Ahead

A Hosers Xmas celebration in New York? Anyone? Anyone?

Schooled!

Evil
Do you ever have one of those days where everything just seems to go wrong? I just did, in terms of my Scrabble games. I've been getting schooled left and right. Killer B came back from his honeymoon and apparently has a lot of pent up energy. He's dropping 70+ point words on me regularly. Sirk (who does not read this blog) snuck up on me with no letter left in the bag with a Bingo and stole the game at the very end. Argh! I hate that!!! And Evil Twin #1 completely demoralized me by hitting me with a 158-point word. Yes, you read that correctly. 158 points on a single word! I am through. I'm giving up for the day. I will be back for more tomorrow!

Commercial Review: CEOs As Pitchmen

Evil

I've noticed that a bunch of CEOs are featuring themselves in their company's commercials. How arrogant are these douche bags? Do they honestly think that they're so good looking and telegenic that the public would rather see their ugly mug vs. that of a professional actor?

Let's review some that I've seen lately.

Charles Schwab Commercial



This is Charles Schwab. It's a commercial for the company Charles Schwab. Okay, that right there in an immediate indication of this man's douchebaggery. So how did he do in this commercial? Horribly! Does this man inspire confidence? No. He comes off as a grouchy, old, out-of-touch dude who is so loaded, he could not care less about your money. What is that strange hand motion he does in the middle of the commercial? And what is his final message as the commercial end? Essentially that you should shut up, stop complaining, and leave your money with his company. Great. Grade: D.

Sprint Commercial



Now, for contrast, here's what I think is a good CEO commercial. Doesn't the guy come off as friendly? Accessible? Confident? Seems like a guy you could have a beer with and give product feedback too. Grade: A.

Obama National Anthem

Here is another contender for the Obama Victory Theme Song.

Good Signs

Evil

I made reservations at a nice restaurant downtown for R's birthday dinner. Neither of us had been there before, but it's a newish place and reputed to be quite good so I was looking forward to it.

It had been raining lightly but steadily all day, so I decided to dress casually: button-down shirt, jeans, and dress sneakers. The last thing I need is to drag my Ferragamos through the puddles. I meet R at the train station and a mental "uh-oh" immediately pops into my head. She's much more dressed up than me. She's in a simple but elegant black dress. I know it's a new dress because it had just arrived in the mail a few days before and she had showed it to me. She takes a look at my outfit. I see her eyes do the quick scan from head to toe. Then she smiles and even lets out a little chuckle. "I should have dressed more casually too. It's been raining all day," she says.

We take the subway downtown and by the time we get out of the subway station, the sky had completely opened up. The rain was falling in sheets and the wind had whipped up so even with umbrellas, we were drenched within seconds. The restaurant was only 3 blocks away. I ask R if she wants to hide out in a Duane Reade til the rain lets up a bit. She is, after all, wearing a skirt and open toed heels. She says that we're already here, so we might as well make a run for it. We're trudging through the rain. I'm jumping over the deep puddles that have gathered at the curb. R jumps over them too.

We arrive at the restaurant about 20 minutes after our reservation time, so they ask us to wait at the bar til a table opens up. R is wiping her lower legs with paper towels. She shakes the water off her raincoat. Her hair is all wet. I'm all wet too. This seems disastrous: two really soggy people at a nice restaurant, late for our reservations. I ask R if she's upset because this is the type of things that I expect girls to get upset about. She says she isn't. "You know, it's like, whatever." Those were her exact words.

We wait at the bar. It's a great bar area. Really cozy and dim. A good looking crowd hanging out. I ask R what she's drinking. She peruses the drink menu. Great wine selection. Some really good-looking specialty cocktails as well. She closes the menu, looks up. "I'll have a Knob Creek, on the rocks." Awesome! I did the same, and the bourbon felt just right at the moment. It made us a little warm, more at ease. Feeling good.

Obama Victory Theme Song?

Evil

Was just downloading some song to play on Rock Band 2 and re-discovered an old gem of a song. Seems like it would be perfect for the Obama campaign... perhaps to use a the victory theme song???

Time For Change

I heard some kids telling me
How theyve lost all the faith in the way
Theyve been talking world peace
And the wars in the streets

(pre-chorus)
The lines on their faces so deep
A revolution, or reach out
And touch the day
Were overdue, child

(chorus)
Change
Now its time for change
Nothing stays the same
Now its time for change

I feel the the future in the hands
Of our youth will be safe
No more lies
Old, tired fools tell our future
With tarot cards, and lie of crime

(pre-chorus)(chorus)

Ill change
Ill change
Not tomorrow but today

(chorus)

Recognize that song?

How Embarassing

YIKES! I don't even want to know how much it cost to get A-Rod, Kobe, Michael Phelps, and Tony Hawk to do 1 commercial. One very GAY commercial.

Holiday Inn Express - Rapper

DVRs are killing commercial viewership. Good riddance. Most commercials are idiotic, but a few are brilliant and not to be missed. Check this one out!

Me saying what we are all thinking

me: are you back?
Killer B #1: no. Sunday.
me: rats
Killer B #1: i'm okay with it
me: (to my self and no one else) Maybe I'm not

Sanrio Store, Take 2

Evil

The first Sanrio store I went to was small and didn't have a great selection of products. So today, I went to the flagship Sanrio store near Times Square. This place had it all. I wanted to pick up some Hello Kitty women's underwear for R's bday gift. I saw several pretty cool options, but something about buying Hello Kitty underwear just felt too pervy. Hah! I ran outta there. So I guess R is not getting an actual gift for her bday.

SAD State of Affiars

I'm suffering from a little seasonal effectiveness. It's so cold outside, Xtian ditched me yesterday for another event, and then posted on Facebook about how much fun he was having, and, Evil keeps playing Rock Band and doesn't invite me over, even though I sang at 100% for us last time.

The financial maelstrom is making me anxious so I can't buy anything on eBay, KenTak3 is working like a madman to save the economy, and Bruno is still with my parents so I am alone all the time in Brooklyn just with a couple of random mice.

I think I want to get another dog. Bruno's sister gave birth to some new puppies and I really want to get another one. I think it will be comforting.

Does anyone else want to get one and time-share with me? I think this is going to be her last batch. Please?

Wedding Bells

There have be a lot of weddings lately around the Hose Offices. The Mamacita married her favorite robot, and the Killer Bs tied the knot. Congratulations to all involved.

In preparation for one last wedding, Catjjy and I cooked up a list for the pending nuptuals of Sparks sister. It was her task but she asked me for some input. This is not quite what she used but I thought it was fun enough to throw up on the blog...

Does This Apartment Make Me Look Gay?

Evil


Evil Twin #2 and several other people are starting to give me a complex. In the last several days, there have been multiple independent mentions about how gay-looking my apartment is. Is that really true? Hosers, you can tell me the truth!

Some pics here:

http://picasaweb.google.com/(mygmailname)/ApartmentPics?authkey=3ZUU37heoq4#

Note: replace (mygmailname) with my actual gmail name.

Please weigh in in the comments section. Thanks, y'all!

The Greatest Post Never Posted

Evil

Over IM, Xtian and I just constructed the greatest post that we cannot post to The Hose. Our readership is too big and it would hurt some feelings.

As such, Xtian and I are starting a new, secret blog and will only be inviting the "inner core" to read. You will be getting your invites in your email inbox. (Or maybe you won't.)

On The Road To A Drinking Problem

Evil

This isn't so bad, is it?

Outdated Movie Review: W

Movies about recent history are always a challenge. As a viewer you spend more time checking out how similar the actor is in appearance and mannerism than you do watching the movie, following the story etc.

“W” suffers here for just that reason. Why rob me the chance to stare at Thandie Newton for 2 hours by boxing her into a disturbing physical caricature of Condolizza Rice that brings a fused back to mind. W is not as good looking as Josh Brolin and Elizabeth Banks is the most “attainably hot chick in Hollywood”…is she really a credible Laura Bush?

That aside, the movie is great. The trailer makes the film seem a bit like an extreme parody with a goofiness that would be unworthy of the material. Instead, Oliver Stone took us to some familiar ground for him - Presidents, critical flaws, evil guys with lighting to let you know they are evil, and of course, everyone’s favorite, a weak son trying to earn his too cold father’s love. There is an element of the movie that is a period piece and that works well.

Brolin handles the role of W well enough, not just relying on squintiness in the eyes but infusing a goofy charm, a tinge of ego, and a lot of insecurity together to bring someone who feels very real to life. Brolin’s W is only a little flawed redeemed by the idea that though completely over his head, he is almost completely aware of it.

Good movie, go watch it

Thank Goodness For Health Insurance

Evil

Thank goodness I have health insurance because I can't get enough of the doctor's office. I've been going to this particular office for about 2 years now (since I moved to the neighborhood) and I've only seen my doctor once. But I've seen the nurse practitioner like 6 or 7 times and each time, she's lookin' smoking hot! Today I went in for a physical and a flu shot. She had me take off my clothes. It was great. She pushed on my stomach to feel for a potential enlarged liver. I squirmed and chuckled because that test tickles. She laughed.

Too bad she is married. What a hottie. She's about 5-foot-1 and 100 pounds. Short blonde hair and a surprisingly fill-out ass for such a small chick. What now?

The best part of the recession

I love the recession because I love watching CNBC and being able to watch cnbc gets me in the gym more. I love just chilling on an elliptical watching people comment on the markets, standing down on the floor with people shouting behind them. It's just great.

CNBC pushed that to the next level by bringing in Maria Bartiromo several years ago. In anticipation of the present down cycle they have been stacking the deck introducing several more chicks to stare at...here are a few of my favorites

Erin Barnett


Trish Regan


Rebecca Jarvis




YAY! Recession

Manolo Goes On A Date (aka Original Date or Die)

(Author's Note: Unlike some people at the Hose, Manolo has a real life so he was never seriously emotionally wounded when he was unceremoniously dumped from The Hose...At the same time, Manolo never left. He comes back to check upon The Hose every 4-6 months to see how this gang of misfits is holding up...For example, I have noticed that xTian and Evil have taken my original date concept and run with it. Kudos to them...In fact, I hope they never go through some of my worst moments and refuse to pay medical bills...In their honor, I tell the following tale of woe...)
=================================
My name is Manolo and I have a disease. I am too picky when it comes to women…I seem to be looking for perfection in a world where imperfections are what makes us unique. These imperfections (real or made-up) are used by me as nothing but as a shield not to get close to somebody. Every time I met a new woman, I would ask myself if she was girlfriend/wifey material…If she was not, I would use these imperfections as reasons to abandon the possibilities of what may have been and focus more on short-term satisfaction of physiological needs…Don’t get me wrong, guilt-free no-strings-attached sex is great but like every man before me, I have a hunger for something more…I have arrived at that point in life where one longs to be one with somebody for more than a couple of hours (who am I kidding? I meant minutes…but best 4 minutes of your life…wink!)…

Therefore, I am trying to be a little less picky…a bit more open minded. I am trying hard about overlooking imperfections and giving everyone a chance…

Two weekends ago, I went out to paint the town (color didn’t really matter) with some friends...We are at this trendy lounge when this young woman walks by and catches my eye…what was not to like…tall (5’9’’), slim, red hair, blue eyes, smooth porcelain-like skin…

We seemed to really hit it off. In fact, we spent close to 5 hours together (last 2-3 hours walking down the beach). At the end of the night, we exchanged phone numbers and we went our separate ways, but not before agreeing to meeting once again.

As I was driving home, I kept going back to two things that were holding me back….One of them was her accent. Don’t get me wrong, I like accents. I think they are sexy, especially in the throes of passion. In fact, I am such a believer in accents that I went out and got one of my own. Nevertheless, her Russian accent meant that I found myself at times asking her what she had just said. The other thing was that she has a small mole around her lip…I then told myself if Cindy Crawford has it, why not her? I noticed I was falling into my old patterns so I decided then and there to give her a chance…

I spoke to her a couple of times on the phone and after finding out that she loves the beach, we agreed to go to the beach for our first date. I pick her up and as we are driving to our destination, she starts talking about Halloween and how she needs to buy a costume…I don’t know why she is looking for a costume since the outfit she has already makes her look like a Russian sailor (white short shorts, blue and white striped shirt, hat, sunglasses, pig tails). I think she looks very sexy but afraid of how the comment may be construed, I keep it to myself. Taking a cue to be spontaneous, we drive to a Halloween store I passed by on the way to her house to try on some costumes…Some of them were too hot to handle on a first date but I did not care…if she did not like seeing me in a Hooters outfit, perhaps she shouldn’t have looked…

Anyway, we finally arrive at the beach where I proceed to impress her by breaking out the blanket, a bottle of champagne and a full spread of cheeses and fruits…We sit there talking watching the waves crashing upon another…we start feeding each other and at one point, I drop an apple into the chocolate. I pull the apple out but my finger is drenched in chocolate…she laughs, jumps towards me and cleans my finger dry…I didn’t need another hint…I put a drop of chocolate on her cheek and I clean it…she then puts some chocolate on the tip of my nose and she cleans it…I put some chocolate on her lips….

All of a sudden, we are rolling on the blanket squishing the occasional strawberry or grape as we jockey for an ideal kissing position…From time to time, I put some chocolate on her neck or shoulders or thighs and kiss it away…I put some on her stomach and then….

I see it…I had felt something but I thought it may have been the shorts or the shirt…No, it’s not what you think…you see, my Russian sailor has an outie…I have only seen outies in the belies of malnourished third world children so imagine my surprise…

You would think that if you ever ran into one, you could just gnaw on it…maybe even treat it as a kind of a third nipple…

I guess I am not a better man after all...Back to the drawing board...

This Drives Me Insane

Evil

I wasn't born in this country and English isn't my first language; I started learning English when I was about 4 or 5. I think it's common among non-native speakers of a language to process it more literally and to take the rules more seriously because, after all, we learned the language by learning the rules.

Actually, I don't remember all the rules anymore. I wish I did. But here's something that I'm pretty sure is incorrect usage and it drives me f'ing berserk!!! When someone uses "I" when they really meant to use "me." A couple of examples:

"Picture of Evan and I at the beach."

"Gift given to Mara and I."

Why do people do this? It's ME, people. It's ME.

(I have many more pet peeves. I'll save them for future posts. What are yours? Let I know in the comments section!)

Getting Political

Evil

The election is only 2 weeks away and it looks like Obama is going to take it without much difficulty. Also, the Democrats are looking forward to big gains in Congress, in both the House and the Senate. It's possible that they'll end up with 60 seats in the Senate, which will give Democrats a filibuster-proof majority. Over the next 4 years... heck, let's be realistic... 8 years of the Obama administration, he'll also likely appoint 3 new members of the Supreme Court.

That's a huge sea change: Democrats in the White House, Democrats in the House, Democrats in the Senate, and a more liberal Supreme Court. Which has me thinking: will we finally see legalization of marijuana in America? Or at the very least, legalization of industrial hemp.

From The Har Har Department...

Evil

When Nancy Reagan broke her hip, I love how CNN reported it as news that was "Breaking Today." HAR HAR!

Where are the hosers!

Did we all quit and not tell anyone? Evil twins style?

Unintended Perviness

Evil


R is Japanese and as such, she is really into Hello Kitty. I wouldn't say that her apartment is overrun with Hello Kitty stuff. It's more like, here's Hello Kitty paraphernalia tucked into random nooks and crannies and if you look hard enough, you'll find Hello Kitty here, Hello Kitty there...

She's got a Hello Kitty hat, a Hello Kitty backpack, Hello Kitty chopsticks. Her cell phone has a little Hello Kitty charm on it... the Hello Kitty is slurping a giant bowl of udon noodles. It's so cute!

R's birthday is this Friday and I figured it would be funny to get her something Hello Kitty-related, so I went to the Sanrio Store in midtown Manhattan during lunch. Boy did I feel like a huge perv. Picture this: 32 year old dude dressed in a business suit and tie browsing over Hello Kitty gear. Ugh! I wanted to get outta there ASAP, and I did.

killer b´s are alive and well

but having a very hard time figuring out how to use capital letters on this southern hemisphere keyboard.

we´ve had beautiful weather so far - spring is supposed to be a roll of the dice here and we´re on day four of postcard perfect skies and warm weather in bariloche. yesterday we took a boat tour of one of the 7 lakes - 463 meters deep! today we fly down to calafate to see glacier moreno. tomorrow we will walk on it and listen to it creek and howl.

i´m sorry evil is bored, and apologize to my scrabble partners - it isn´t supported in argentina, so i can´t make any awesome moves until i get home.

killerb2 sends her love - although she´s in bed, and doesn´t know i´m posting - but surely would send her love.

Feeling Sad

Evil

Feeling sad today... Killer B is out of the country for two weeks. He is always so entertaining but he's not around. Dreary monday.

McCain: I Want to Pork Governor Palin

This video is genius! And it was made by someone we know!!!

The Devil Town

Like many of us, I spent a lot of time reading James Joyce in High School. It was not at all a treat but it did speak to me, this I suppose, counts for something.

Two years ago, a little show called "Friday Night Lights" started on NBC. It was loosely based on a movie from four years ago, which was loosely based on a book from about 20 years ago. It's still relevant because, apparently, it's still the same in all these little west Texas towns -there's Friday and that for football and its under the lights. Makes sense...

It's a great show. Well acted, and not at all encouraging. There is very little hope in this show. I mentioned Joyce earlier, because its tragic the same way Joyce is tragic. People suffer as their bodies and their history betray them. They find themselves struggling in the generational limitations imposed on them by their parents, the lack of opportunity in the immediate world around them and sometimes, most disappointingly, by their own parochialism. The only way things could get more depressing, is if you sat with xtian and le trois in a bar for several hours.

NBC was not going to renew the show, but there was a rabid following, so rather than produce the show themselves, they partnered with DirectTV. DirectTV gets to show the new episodes this year, with NBC re-airing them in January. Kind of a neat deal. The commercial above was also neat and hints at the story that is some word other than neat, but its all I have right now. I really enjoy it...everyone looks really lovely...Tyra and Riggins both facing upwards, as they sort of dare to transcend their white trashness...Matt and Julie facing off, wondering what is next with them...Coach and guidance councilor Tammi trying to get the car started, trying to help their charges find a way out of their tiny Texas town and into a much bigger world.

It's also ostensibly about football. which lends itself to great speeches. Much like the below, from the finale of Season 1.

Good stuff...

Killer B Wedding

Catjjy and I are loading up The Cha and heading to Texas for the Killer B wedding. Beginning Saturday, Killer B #1 and Killer B #2 will finally be able to Do It. We are all very excited.

As Maid of Honor, Catjjy's job is to make sure Killer B #2 arrives at the wedding on time and sober. As Secular Passage Reader, my job is to make sure the ceremony lasts a full 15 minutes. I'm also expanding the roll of Secular Passage Reader to encompass entertaining the groom for the first 8 hours of his wedding day.

For Hosers unable or unwilling to make the trip, we will keep you up to date with poorly redacted photos and near-live blogging. Les Trois' inevitable grey-out + San Antonio's historic river walk = good posting.

FORE!

Nothing doing

I am sitting so still in my office today that the light sensor failed to register a movement for 20 minutes. I sat in the dark for three minutes before i waved my hands to and fro till they turned back on

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Moment of Zen

Wordle of the Week - Six of One

I don't know about you, but I found last night's debate BORING. Aside from Palin's refusal to end gerunds with a "G" (she's folksy!) and her embrace of the George Bush "nucular" in place of "nuclear", there just wasn't much to get excited about. And today we've got the evidence to prove it. Palin and Biden are in fact the same person! They said the same thing last night. Try to guess which Wordle belongs to each of them. Answer is in the comments section.

Kinda Fun if You're Really Bored

Google is turning ten. In addition to the pinata hanging in the backyard, they've brought back old timey searching. Not ten year old searching, but 7 year old searching, which isn't bad.

Anyway, I searched for iPod, because it didn't exist then, and sure enough - nothing! Just a reference to IPOD - Initial Public Offering Disorder, which I do recall the nation was suffering a pretty bad case of at the time.

Back in 2001 they were making what must have been a mind blowing claim "Search 1,326,920,000 web pages". These days that would just be kinda cute. They don't show that on the home page any more, but I bet it is a kabillion, if not a quadrillion web pages.

Of course I googled myself, and my existence then amounted to the same as my existence now. Zilch. Stupid algorithm.

Do any Hosers find themselves in 2001?