Know Your Magnates

This morning X-tian and I were avoiding contributing to our firms' bottom lines by Google chatting about Rony Seikaly. In addition to having the most absurdly spelled name, X-tian informed me that his father was a "shipping magnate".

This got me pondering wtf is a magnate, and why are they always in shipping? That dude who used to nail Paris Hilton - Nacho what's his name - his father is a shipping magnate too. I think Jackie Kennedy married a shipping magnate . It seems that there are a lot of dudes with more than one ship, ergo, magnatism.

Anyway - I could only name one other type of magnate - the newspaper magnate - and there is only one of those (unless you count Conrad Black - but he's in jail).

Any Hosers have some insights on magnates? Any others that are living, that aren't in shipping? Can I be a shipping magnate?

Also, did you know Rony Seikaly is now a DJ? Of course he is. He is the son of a shipping magnate.

Needed: Moral Compass, or Lack of One

A few months ago a co-worker semi-quit and quasi-moved to Chicago. To celebrate this, we bought him a Kindle. A few weeks ago he broke his kindle, so they sent him a new one. But when it never arrived at his house in Chicago, they sent him another new one. So now he is whole.

As for the missing Kindle that never arrived in Chicago - it is sitting on my desk, unopened. I've told him. He's indifferent. He's checked his credit card statements and he hasn't been charged for it. Amazon hasn't asked for it back. So now it's just sitting here.

Should Killer B.....
1) Take the initiative to do the right thing and send the thing back
2) Stick it to the man for making a mistake and enjoy the heck out of it
3) Let it continue to sit here on my desk in Kindle Purgatory

Recognition...FINALLY

I received a promotion at work this week, and I’m pretty happy about it. I was trying to think back to my last promotion and realized something interesting: since I entered the work force part time in 1991, and then full time in 1998, I have never received a discretionary promotion. At my last job, my title changed once as part of a statutory advancement of my entire incoming class, but that doesn’t count.

My career has advanced nicely during that time, but the really big jumps have been between jobs, after grad school, etc. Not promotions. That really surprised me. Surely there were two or three promotions in there somewhere, right? Nope.

Turns out, Catjjy hasn’t ever been promoted either (though she is due for a promotion of sorts in current profession come February). Are we the oddballs here? Are the rest of you Hosers receiving promotions every couple of years? Did KB1 used to be a High Flying Marketing Associate before he became a High Flying Marketing Executive?

Hot. Teacher. Action

NY Daily News (and the Turdhurdler) are all over this today and I am again besides myself with grief. Why could I not go to a school where a Spanish Teacher (who dresses like a hot librarian) would hook up with a French Teacher (who dresses like a teenager with pig tails) in the supply closet? WHY? This is soo unfair.

It is also 95% of a porn script that was written and started casting 10 minutes ago...

For second level hilarity check out the actual url link....it is somehow exactly literal and unnecessarily smarmy all at the same time. Nice job NY Daily News!

Picture Of The Day

Meredith Walusek holds a sign outside of Tiger Woods' neighborhood (Getty)

Things That Make Me Say Good Gravy: Tiger Edition

I was flabbergasted at Ambien sex. Now we have the additon of sex with 2 pornstars (Holly Sampson and Joslyn James - whoever they are. Some insights X-tian?) and the big one for me - he was banging a pancake cook in his car in a church parking lot. Good Gravy!!!!! Sex in a church parking lot? This dude is messed up. Isn't Florida littered with places you could park a car and have sex? (Some insights T-mo?). I wrote a quiz if any Hosers want to take it.

Places I should not park my car and have sex with a pancake cook:
1) Church
2) Anywhere Else

How to be a Douche, vol 1: Wear a Cardigan in Public

Look at this douche. Not only is he wearing a cardigan in public, it doesn't even fit. Poor Foxy Knoxy rots in jail for a crime she (probably) didn't commit, yet this douche walks the streets free?

At least he's trying by matching the neck of his t-shirt with the cardigan. But really, can a man like this be saved?

Jersey Shore = LFO

Couldn't help myself.....




More...

Write Your Own Caption

The Jersey Shore: Someone Explain the Situation to Me

I am like 5 days behind. This show was the best two hours of my life ever. I can't even deal with it.

For those of you who don't know I will explain - MTV producers went across NY and Rhode Island looking for 4 tanorexic steriod-popping meatheads and matched them up with a troll and a few other "hot chicks". The result - genius!

Here are some preliminary observations

More...
(1) "The Situation" is the greatest nickname ever. I can't believe this nim thought of it before me. I am besides myself with grief. Thankfully, my friend came up with a good compromise...from here on out I will be "La Situacion".
(2) One girl appears to be about 4ft 5in and hopes to "hook up with a juice head like every night". Is there an upside to hooking up with someone on steroids? Is this better than this ambien sex I am hearing about? How do I find a girl on steroids and into ambien sex? T-Mo...thoughts?
(3) Sami "Sweetheart", the "cute one" dressed in all black, made out with both The Situation and super-meathead Ronnie on the first episode. I am into her vibe though because she is packing extra in the poop-chute. I wonder if she would be into La Situacion...
(4) The guy from Rhodes Island spends 2 hours on his hair every morning. I can tell, but I still can't understand why...
(5) There is a girl on there named Angelina (purple top) who insists that the housemates call her Joile and at one point declares herself the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island. I can't tell what is a funnier disconnect from reality these statements or what goes through my mind when I am in the gym. She is also proudly a c*ckblock. She is ruining the whole show for me, by herself.
(6) JWOWW (teal top) dresses like a stripper, has ruined her hair through constant dyeing and has face cheeks that resemble Mike Piazza's back. I think this is all to set us up for the biggest, roundest boob job ever. She has a boyfriend but made out with the guy from Rhodes Island anyway and found a Prince Albert on him just as she remembered her scruples.

I am flabbergasted, astounded, confused and amazed.

Remembering Kellie Pickler's Prom Dress

With all the chaos going on these days - the health care debate, Tiger's harem, Top Chef finale, war strategy, White House party crashers, etc., it's easy to lose track of what's really important, like what Kellie Pickle wore to her prom.

KillerB is here to keep us all focused.

Mystery Photo Of The Day

Evil

Can you guess... who is this gross old hag?

Immature Photo of the Day

My wedding photographer was such a douche.

The New Job

Are God and Jesus (especially Jesus) conspiring to test the faith of famed Florida quarterback Tim Tebow? I'm reminded of the story of Job: the man who had everything, only to be picked apart, bit by bit, by an all powerful and completely insecure God. All that praying for nothing, what a god damned waste, eh? It's almost as if there were a Christian playing for the Alabama team, too.

Whatever. See you at the Gaylord Properties Music City Bowl, Tim. And if I'm ever backpacking through Europe during European NFL season (whenever that is), I'll try to catch your mighty Transylvanian Tigers playing the Bavarian Bushwhackers.

Out Of The Box Thinking

I did some quick math, if we implemented this kid's job growth strategy and the federal government applied a random sales tax (7%) to these these suddenly legal "services", I would expect to pay an additional $350 in taxes a year. You multiply that by some likeminded people (another 100MM or so?) and we get 35B without even trying, plus we get to tax all these people in these high paying "service" jobs - 10% unemployment? THING.OF.THE.PAST.

Thoughts?

Injustice!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it!!!! Some stupid Italian jury and some stupid Italian judge found our dear Amanda guilty!!!! This is an injustice, to all of us who've patiently waited the last 2 years for her bikini themed reality show. Damn it.

Her bikini themed reality show 26 years from now won't be half as good.

Anything But THAT

Evil

If it comes out that one of Tiger's "side dishes" has been Michelle Wei, I swear, I will jump off the nearest bridge.

Shocking Revelation Of The Day

Evil

OMG, the actress who played Alex P. Keaton's mom is GAY! I must admit, I did "experience my changing body" more than once while thinking about her. She was quite the looker in her day. (BUT YIKES! Look at that pic of her now. Scaaaaaary. Halloween was two months ago, lady!)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (cough) (cough)

Finally, my sleep disorder can be addressed in a manner appropriate with the condition

As a proud son of NJ, I would like to thank our NJ's favorite sons (and dare I say John the Baptist of the Green) for all their proselytizing all these many years. Meth, Red...your efforts were not in vain...


More...

Europe = Crazy (and intolerant)

I'm not some sort of apologist, but I can see why a lot of countries felt the right to give the US grief the last few years. We haven't necessarily been on our best behavior. But for all the criticisms that we get, you'd think Europe would be some sort of egalitarian utopia where it's nothing but high fives and free healthcare. But I'd say they're really just crazy intolerant.

It starts with the French, with their long running debate on whether to allow head scarves in school, or to allow Aram women to wear their creey eye slit outfits (I think they are called TRON robes). Then there are the Danish cartoonists who ran out of things to draw until they remembered Mohammed was a hoot. Kinda douchey, but I can let poor taste slide.

But yesterday the Swiss - the SWISS - took the intolerent craziness to a new level when they outlawed minarets. Yes, that's right, they made an architectural flourish illegal. That is the most batshit crazy thing I've ever heard of. The vote wasn't close either - 58% supported it.

Is this the craziest thing ever? Is there a war on balconies coming that I'm not prepared for?