The Hose: Jumpstyle Dancing Spectacular!

The Nat is back for dinner tonight and we are on a roll. After reading about Sparks' idea to take some of Tears for Fears' Mad World earnest moves and appropriate them for his next circle dance, The Nat suggested some newfangled Euro "everything comes around again" new wave dance sensation called Techtonik, which linked us to Jumpstyle. And then, WTF?!! There's a Hardstyle, too!!! Of course, this may be 10 years old and we are just old. But it feels new to us. Anyway, check this out.



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Once we started, we couldn't stop. The Nat and I are going to Youtube all the Jumpstyle tutorials tonight and put on a show for our parents. Keeeee-rrahhhhh!!

Kumar goes to Washington!

Dude! So I have been meaning to post about this. Kal Penn, obviously known to millions as Kumar from the Harold & Kumar movies (I haven't seen either, but feel like the title sort of tells me all I need to know) and The Namesake, a too-little seen film based upon the Jhumpa Lahiri novel that I think is just great. If you have time, you should read that but also her collection of short stories called "Interpreter of Maladies". So good. I should do a separate post on this. Anyway, Kal Penn apparently has been doing other stuff, on "House" every now and then (also have never seen) but he quit to go work in the Obama administration in the Office of Public Liaison...WHICH IS WHERE I WORKED AS A WHITE HOUSE INTERN IN THE SUMMER OF 1995!!
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Just think, I could have worked for this guy instead of the doughy red headed pudge pudge I did work for. Who did nothing. Anyway, the Office of Public Liaison is the group that arranges for all the photo-op meetings with the POTUS. Ah, the lingo just comes right back. So the Ladies' Auxiliary of Iowa brings their delegation and they have a meeting with some elements of the administration and then the VP, or Tipper, or POTUS, or FLOTUS will come for a photo op and 6 weeks later, everyone will get a photo in the mail with an auto-pen signature.

It's not that interesting, but you sure do meet a ton of people from everywhere. And I'm sure that Kal Penn might just have to do some auto-pen photo-ops too. Maybe we'll call him the KOTUS.

When Did Jim Halpert Become an Idiot?

Because most Hosers have good taste, I assume most Hosers also watch The Office. Likewise, I assume most Hosers are wondering what the hell is going on with Jim Halpert. Ever since the new boss arrived Jim has been a bumbling mess. As far as character developments go, this BLOWS! I've always seen a lot of myself in Jim. Like me he is smart, he always gets his way, and he usually manages to highlight other people's flaws in the process. Plus, Jim got the girl, which is totally 10000% like me. Now, however, the writers have turned him into stammering idiot (and consequently I have no characters I can relate with). They better fix this fast.

I'm Hooked. I Can't Stop Watching

I think his ratings in some part can be explained by people like me who tune in just for the thrill of it - out of pure disbelief. I take comfort in this theory.

Digging In the Crates: Oct 1st, 2004

I suspect no one is working today, so there will be no opportunity to blog.

For those stopping by for a quick read, I figured I would dig in the crates and link back to an early and disturbing Manolo post. It's about him seducing a midget while playing trivial pursuit. Sadly, I'm not at all lying.

Have a GOOD Friday

Latchkey Nostalgia: Voltron, Robotech, Transformers, and the Bionic Six were our babysitters

I'm spending the week with my folks in LA and my brother, "The Natural" or "Nat", who also lives in LA, came home for dinner tonight. We're always looking for things for the Cha to play with here and I thought, "Why not raid Nat's old toy box?" This turned out to be genius because his toy box is the receptacle for all great boy toys ca. 1985. He has GoBots. He has Transformers. He has the lions that form arms and body. Form feet and legs. And I'll form the head. Voltron, they call him. The Cha loved Nat's Transformers, so much so that he brought Red Alert*, the Autobot Lamborghini, to bed with him. After dinner, we youtubed some of the cartoons and I am shocked by a) how many cartoons we watched as children b) how derivative they are of each other and c) how crazy violent they are. I know now that they've done the Transformers movie that lots of kids (and 25-35 yr. old men) are reacquainted with this stuff, but I personally have not seen any of this footage since I was 10.

*Editor's note: not to be confused with Sideswipe or Sunstreak, the other Autobot Lamborghinis---Rocky.

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Now mind you, we grew up in LA. 75 degrees almost every day. We had the Pacific Ocean at our feet, quarries and trails beckoned just over the hills. And both of us remember vividly sitting in front of the television, watching these shows. Nat really, really loved them, and would watch them 2 feet from the TV set, while I sort of just did my homework at the kitchen table and remember certain fleeting details about each one. It doesn't seem right that our childhood should be so touchpointed (an ideated word) on this stuff. Both of us turned out relatively okay. Nat is actually quite an outdoorsy, active type of guy and I learned to socialize with people, hm, in college probably, so this didn't set me back for the rest of my life, but still...no TV for the Cha.

Nat's favorites and his commentary on each show:
Transformers. Best thing: Waiting for your toy to show up on the show. Apparently, not everyone could get Megatron or Optimus Prime because they were expensive and scarce, but you could get Sideswipe for $10 and then eagerly wait for him to show up on the show and know it was your toy. Most character depth. Longest running show. Still remember how I could not find a yellow Bumblebee or the Toyota minivan Ironhide.

(Nat actually said that watching this footage was like the scene in "Ratatouille" where the critic tastes said dish and is instantly transported back to his childhood heart and mind.)

Bionic Six. Asian kid in the family. Could do bad ass stuff.

Robotech. Took every cartoon to another level.

Voltron. Remember the early episodes so they could find the damn keys? 4 episodes before you saw the whole robot (Catjjy note: they show the robot being formed in the opening title sequence but whatever).

There is a subset of these shows where humans are part animal: Thundercats and Silverhawks. I never liked these but Nat did.

P.S. Transformers and Robotech are both shows about robots trying to find an alternative energy source after they've exhausted their native ones. I wonder if they considered methane.

The Douche List, teen edition

Would that I could cut this kid some slack, but please. What a douche.
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Tyra Banks interviews the inaugural member of the Teen Douche List.

Arrrrghhhhhhh

Thank God for Somali pirates!!!! After years of boring journalistic obsessions finally we have something cool and fun. I love going home after work every day and watching pirate coverage. And now they have an American ship! Sweet! This is a summer blockbuster if I've ever seen one. Don't get me wrong, wild fires, shark attacks, and missing white girls are all good news stories from time to time, but who wants to hear about those every day for an entire summer? ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH.

The Hose Idol Bracket

After two weeks, some early observations

• Gong Gong and Pou Pou had extra information as we only got their brackets in after Megan's elimination.


• Killer B #2 does not seem to be emerging as a leading contender


• Another week, another strong anoop performance, another week where MG and Catjjy's fortunes look bleak


• my mid round elimination of Allison is looking dumb. If I was picking this week, I would project a fight to the death between her and lambert


• I had this whole jag of ceilings thought up, but it breaks down, because i am actually worried about "floors" here, so now I'm all turned around

Click here to see full/current results.

Tramps

Evil
Walked by this lingerie shop... couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that it's named "Easy Shop." Because if a chick wears lingerie, we all know what that means.

Passing the Buck

Usually after arriving home from work, I will log in briefly to check personal email and look forward to a few minutes of brainless, silly entertainment (i.e., cute bunny photos, 30% secret sale notifications.)

Well, I received this email today, and am hoping that someone else can please help Mom with a reply, because I do not work on Wall Street any longer, and I just can't energize enough to respond. I am confident there are enough Hosers out there with passionate opinions that can offer a meaningful "inside scoop" to some inquisitive, right-wing retirees in Pennsyltucky. Thanks in advance, People!

PS. I have never met them.

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Mamacita, give me some kind of a reply. Okay?
Love, Mom

---- Original Message -----
From: Mr. & Mrs. Mom's Friends
To: Mom
Sent: Wednesday, April 08, 2009 3:30 PM
Subject: future of the dollar

If you would not mind, ask your daughter who works on wall street what she thinks of the financial meltdown, & subsequent "bailouts"? The news media seems reluctant to get into the root causes & real blame game.

Also, what does she think of the future of fiat currencies with all the debt buildup, Will the system continue to deflate, will we reflate, or go into hyperinflation? What do the insiders think?

thanks.
Mr. & Mrs. Mom's Friends

Madness

Last night Adam Lambert performed the Tears For Fears classic Mad World. This had me searching for the original, which I have heard on '80's radio, but was really too young to have known as a new song. The video includes an exceptional display of New Wave dancing beginning at 1:45, including an amazingly bizarre 40 second solo demonstration starting at 2:15. You have to appreciate the dancer's confidence and tenacity for what is truly one of the silliest things I've ever seen someone do in earnest. More importantly, this will be worked into my 30-second circle dance routine for upcoming weddings. Too bad I couldn't break this out at the Killer B shindig.

Poll Results - The Outrage Dies Down

Evil

This poll was posted at the height of the AIG outrage. But like the rest of the nation, we Hosers seem to have calmed down. Our saner sides prevailed. (BTW- I think no one picked the 2nd option because everyone was offended by my grammar error.)

American Idol Rewind

Top 8 – The Baby Photo Episode.
Weird Bald Guy in the audience? WTF? KGB?

Really solid episode tonight. Performances spanned the range. No corny guest artist. Ryan was on. Even the judges managed to hold up their end of the bargain and not ruin it for everyone. Though I wish it were 90 minutes - the songs and arrangements felt rushed.

Based on what I’ve seen so far this season, I’d like to look into my crystal ball and introduce my predictions for what we can expect from these people 5 years from now.

Danny – Highest paid wedding singer in the Midwest. His father is his manager.
Kris – Bought a sailboat. Spends his days collecting shells off of Catalina Island.
Lil – Mom. PTA. Small business owner with her own fashion line for women called Junk²
Anoop – Radiology Residency in Chapel Hill.
Scott – Plays piano in the backup band on American Idol Season 13.
Allison – Huge star. Multi-platinum albums – but as the runner-up on American Idol.
Matt – Does people’s taxes.
Adam – starring in Sweeny Todd revival on Broadway.

Anyway - after the jump my thoughts on tonight's performances.
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Danny “My family is weird like a cult” Gokey – Stand By Me. Barf. I liked the movie better. The arrangement was a mess. I hope he loses so I don’t have to see his dad do the proud papa crying thing. That would be really really gross. I can totally tell his dad would be a weepy mess, and apparently would be surrounded by 300 offspring.

Kris – I wish they would stop talking about his shell. He doesn’t have a shell. It was cute the way his parents alienated the taxi cab vote. If he gets the boot this week, look for everyone next week to be pandering to the taxi vote. Also, his performance blew. And this performing in the crowd thing is tired already.

Lil – finally we learn that her name is just a case of bad spelling – Killer B2 hated that she danced just like Tina Turner. Junk in the Trunk. Junk in the Trunk. What the hell with Paula throwing Ricky and the band under the bus. This was painful to watch – and the judging hurt even more.

Anoop hates his parents – and who can blame him. They are OLD! Plus he sings 1,000,000,000,000,000 times better than they do. His True Color is lime green. That sweater was hot! Like Mr. Rodgers on acid! Anyway – I really liked this performance and give him big time credit for continuing to stick it to us when we’ve convinced ourselves he can’t.

Scott – As though he isn’t creepy enough we have to learn about his childhood. Ugh. Strumming an out of tune electric guitar (remember Scott…artistry) was the Crystal Pepsi of the night. For the record – his sense of humor is not infectious, unless Paula means it in the Sinus Infection sense. Like something you don’t want.

Allison - This girl never misses a note. I’m not a singer, or a person who sings, or a person who knows anything about singing – but when this girl sings it just sounds right. I wonder what she would look like with dark hair? That red hair is really distracting me.

Matt – Justin Timberlake called. He wants his hat and scruffy face back. I don’t like the fact that KillerB2 was squealing with joy/lust just like Kara and Paula. I hope this guy gets voted off. I’m not in this competition, but all of a sudden I feel like I’m in a competition.

Adam – One more night of maintaining that delicate balance of looking really creepy but coming across as totally likeable (not to mention talented).

Way to Go Hosers. You Ruined It For Everyone

Well, according to the latest Hose Poll, "You" are to blame for the economic crisis. I hope it was worth it. I hope you can deal with a Lost Decade if that's what it comes to. Meanwhile "Me", who received 0 votes (Le Trois clearly didn't vote) is just trying to get by. Get your act together Hosers. Quit screwing the common man. Have some decency.







Editor's Note: I added a pic of the poll results "For The Record." - Rocky

Idol Predictions

Evil

Evil's Idol predictions for this week...

The bottom three will be: Matt "Piano Man" Giraud, Scott "Getting A Free Ride Blind Guy", and Anoop "Dawg" Desai.

Getting the boot will be the Blind Guy. FINALLY.

WWSP?

In Sparks' temporary jaunt to the city of sin, I am left to think about what he might find amusing to read whilst in a boring conference session (read: lapdance). This article posits some math questions that Larry Summers had to answer when up for a post at some schmancy hedge fund, presumably to make sure he could add and subtract without a calculator. Hosers, when I thought about "What Would Sparks Post?" this landed like manna from heaven.

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From the article in Slate (don't click on the link if you want to puzzle through your answers first).

Ten people are bidding on a stock at 90, while 100 people are offering to sell it at 91. What price is the next trade?

There's a dollar on the table. I'm going to flip a coin. If it comes up heads, I'll double the money. If it comes up heads again, I'll double it again. Whenever it comes up tails, we stop.

But there's a catch: You have to pay a fee to play. How much are you willing to pay?

P.S. Would do the collapsible post, but really cannot figure it out. Seems obvious, and yet...would that I had not deleted all those emails explaining how to do it. (Editor Note: Why didn't you just ask me? - Rocky)

Things that are Absolutely Clear after MLB Opening Day

Opening Day was yesterday. I love baseball this week. Then I love to forget about it entirely until sometime in mid-August. By that point things will be clear. In August, the Mets will be chugging along in first place, poised for yet another late season implosion. On the Yankee side, people will be wringing their hands about CC Sabathia's weight, Derek Jeter's incredibly shrinking range and Matsui's obligatory visit to the DL. Even today, after one day of action, a few things are emerging as developing stories for us to watch all year
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• Johan Santana has an individual handshake for all each member of the NY Mets that he ritualistically does prior to every start, just to keep things loose.


• The Yankees have their loosest clubhouse in decades thanks in large part to Nick Swisher who makes sure the music is always blaring and takes teammates on tours of NY. Thankfully, he will be traded midseason for Coco Crisp in a panic move that leaves the Yankee clubhouse super tense right through September.


• We should all give up on CC Sabathia! That bum could not get out of the fifth inning after walking the ballpark yesterday. What a horrible trade!


• The Red Sox got rained out last night so I had time to notice the following weird fact. The top 3 payrolls in the game are the Yanks, Sox and Mets. Guess how many African-Americans are on those teams. Here I'll help: Marlon Andersen (NY Mets, back up outfielder), Gary Sheffield (NY Mets backup outfield and that just nepotism because he's Dwight Gooden's nephew), CC Sabathia (NY Yankees, SP) and Derek Jeter (NY, SS, he counts). That's it! Crazy! Where have you gone, Doug Glanville?

Sad State Of Affairs For the Chinese

Evil

Just checked The Hose's NCAA pool... YIKES! I finished dead last. Catjjy finished second to last. The Chinese did not fair very well, to say the least. KenTak3, as always, has to show off that he's better than everyone else, taking #1 overall. The Koreans (some girl named I***e and ET#1) were very middle of the road, finishing 5th and 6th respectively.

Sigh... Evil fails yet again.

Looky-likey: Vladimir Putin and Ty Murray

*Correction*
Slightly NSFW picture of ex-world leader after the jump...well, dang. I tried to make the pics after the jump but I can't figure it out. Hoser, please correct my code in here.

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