Do You Really Know What You Want?

Evil

Back in the day, when I was still in university, there was a saying around campus:

"Barnard to bed, but Columbia to wed."

Barnard, being the all-girls sister school to Columbia University. The implication, clearly, is that there are some people who you want to have a good time with, but other people who you want to keep for the long run.

I've been thinking about this recently as I've been watching the Obama phenomenon unfold. I have a theory:

Obama is the Barnard girl

Right now, it feels cool to support Obama. It feels good. You might even say, with all your heart, that it feels right. To be totally honest, I don't know why I am getting so worked up over this Obama thing, because I am not particularly political. I am not even a registered Democrat. (Or a registered Republican, for that matter. I registered "no party" in New York State.)

I don't know what it is that has me feeling this way. Maybe it's my befuddlement over how so many people are swept up in rosy words and promises. Am I a cynic? Maybe it's my inherent nature to root for the underdog, which Hillary has become. I am not a woman, but I feel like women are letting Hillary down. She's the first credible female candidate for president -- and who knows when the next one will come along? If it were 50 years from now -- two-plus generations from now! -- I would not be surprised. But women and men alike, right now, seem to have "bed" on their mind. Not "wed."

Here is the irony: Obama is going to win the Democratic nomination. The contrarian in me will just have to accept it. But Obama will go on to the general election to face John McCain. And then the American public will take a look at the two candidates, as starkly different as they are, and ask:

"Obama to bed, or McCain to wed?"

And they'll come to their senses and go for McCain. And then we're stuck with a crazy old man in the White House for the next four years, or more.

Post-script: But what about the 2012 election, you ask? Surely, Obama will storm back and claim the presidency. He'll have another 4 years of experience. He'll be that much stronger! No. You see, in four years time, Obama will be old news. He'll no longer be the agent of change. He'll no longer be the fresh new face that the public adores. We will know too much about him. We will have seen his warts. He will be just another Washington insider. I don't like my choices in this election. I think I'm gonna go for Nader.

Am I Retarded?

Evil



This is a new(ish) Obama video. Watching videos like this just makes me mad. Honestly, have we crossed the line from support to idol worship? What's with the "Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama. Obama..." chant in the background of this video? Seems almost like individual thought, conviction and passion have grotesquely transformed into a mass orgy of groupthink. I refuse to vote for Obama, but I will vote for the Borg.

It's Not You, It's Me...

Evil

As you may already know, I'm the type of person who loves religion much more than politics. But this Presidential election cycle's got me thinking. I heard an interesting quip on TV the other day, about the two remaining candidates in the Democratic race. It went like this...

"The Democratic race is down to two Senators. One Senator represents New York, but was born in Illinois. The other Senator represents Illinois, but was born in a manger!"

The comment was said in jest and probably with some sarcasm and spite thrown in too. But oddly, I think it reflects what I feel -- or more aptly, what I don't feel -- for Obama.

Obama is undeniably a phenomenon. He sweeps people, even the reasonable ones, off their feet. He inspires. But he doesn't do that to me. I feel nothing for Obama. Except for a bit of annoyance sometimes. At the downward inflections in his speech. When he speaks like that, he reminds me of a college professor who I didn't particularly like. My ambivalence for Obama confuses me. I feel as though an important cultural train has left the station. All the cool kids are on it, but I'm still standing in town. I see them roll out and no one is even waving back at me.

Maybe it's the contrarian in me, but I think I'm rooting against Obama. Anyone But Obama. ABO.... ABO...

The Road To Damascus

Evil

I've had a change of heart. Now, I believe. Obama is real. His movement and his message are real. He speaks of hope in a voice that seems hardly to come from a man of ordinary flesh.

I might be going away for the next 5 weeks or so. My friend the AY is taking time off from her job to set up an Obama office in western Pennsylvania, a little bit outside Erie. I think I'm going to go with her to help the movement. Pennsylvania is going to be a bloody fight. Obama is strong in the cities, like Philly and Pittsburgh. But the more rural areas are Hillary country and Obama's people are still low on organization there. I think helping to set up this office can make a big difference. Obama's trailing in PA, but I think he can win it. I've gotta believe. We've all gotta believe.

Beginning Of The End for Obama?

Evil

An article in The New York Times could spell the beginning of the end for the Obama campaign. The article reveals pretty damning information about the young Obama... information that his campaign may not be able to spin their way out of. No, not the drug use. We knew that. No, not that he's half white. We knew that too, but just choose to ignore it. We learned from the article that the young Obama (pictured above) went by the name Barry. OMG! Self hater. Self hater. This is like Mr. Shoulders going by the name "Sal."

Taking It To The Next Level - Nobel Edition

Evil

If there's one thing that really puts a chubby in the pants of the International Elitist Intelligentsia, it's giving America the big "F YOU!" Witness what the International Olympic Committee (IOC) did to Barack Obama and the US recently. But alas! Perhaps the only thing stronger than their hatred of America is their White Man's Guilt. This week, the old European whities tried to right their wrong by tossing the Nobel Peace Prize Barack Obama's way. Nevermind that he didn't do anything to deserve it, but their guilt was just too overwhelming.

Well, you know what, whities? That's not enough!!! If you really want Barack and America to forgive you, you have to take it to the next level!!! We demand that Barack Obama gets all the Nobel Prizes. We have plenty of justification:

Nobel Peace Prize - Done!

Nobel Prize for Literature - No brainer! Barack has written two best-selling books and plenty of awesome speeches.

Nobel Prize for Medicine - He's going to reform our healthcare system!

Nobel Prize for Economics - He's going to pull us (no, the world!) out of this recession. Paul Krugman can suck it.

Nobel Prize for Chemistry - Joint award to Barack and Michelle Obama. They have awesome chemistry.

Nobel Prize for Physics - Another no brainer... the man can walk on water! Now if we can just productize this scientific breakthrough, we'll finally be energy independent.

Cmon, old European whities, make it happen!

The Bay Area breaks for Obama

Wooooo! 5pm in the West and the Bourbon is about to start flowing. Good for ABC to have the grapes to call Obama with so little of the vote in. Let the route begin!

Obama National Anthem

Here is another contender for the Obama Victory Theme Song.

Manolo Recaps Idol Gives Back

In my previous apartment, I had a built in entertainment center (picture shown) which though handy for all my crap, limited the size of my TV screen. I recently moved to a new place and first thing I did was to break down and buy a 52’’ LCD... Supposedly, you can see people Halle Berry and Jessica Alba in all their glory. On the other hand, you have to be careful you stay away from high def when watching people like Howard Stern or Keith Richards or Evil. Anyway, while waiting for my high-def porn shipment to arrive, I decided to watch one show stocked with celebrities to see how they looked. That lucky show was Idol Gives Back…

Since xTian and Evil are always talking about quality and about the high level of standard for The Hose, I found myself with the urge to do a recap in the spirit of Evil’s movie reviews or xTian’s live blogging about the Grammys (little secret between you and me, they are usually done from his bathroom)…

I wanted to get a feel for their style. You know, get the right amount of lameness so besides reading their stuff, I also read some of KillerB’s posts. I immediately fell asleep (reason why I am posting this today instead of last night). I didn’t get to finish watching the show live but thank goodness for my DVR. Is there anything that baby can’t do?

Anyway, below is my recap of Idol Gives Back. Please note that this is done in an Evil/xTian mindset….

-Show starts with some dancers, some of whom are amazingly hot. I wonder where they are from…People always have the hots for dancers. Think that they are going to move the same way when they are in bed. That is simply not true. I can’t dance for crap but I am a tiger in bed….grrrrrrr!!!! Idols are on the side of the stage. They clearly can’t compete with the dancers.

-They bring Nascar Champion Jimmy Johnson…good thing they tell me who he is because otherwise I would have been lost. Perhaps they should have told me he drives the Lowe’s car…

-George Lopez is trying to raise money from the Latino viewing audience. It is very unlikely that if you speak only Spanish, you will be watching American Idol. You are most likely watching Pasion, the tale of a woman who falls in love with the pirate that kidnapped her in XVIII Mexico. This is of course not true if you are a self-hating Latino like xTian.

-Kylie Minogue comes onstage….is she still a celebrity? She must have a new album coming out…

-Mariah Shriver goes on about how we are the ones we are waiting for. Reminds me of Obama and all his Obama-rama-ding-dongs…Anyway, she was wearing one of those blouses that under unusual or harsh lighting become see through. I was waiting for an Alex Kerry moment...and I have no idea why since I don’t think she is pretty. Oh wait, I know…ta-tas are ta-tas!!!

-Ben Stiller. I had a friend just like Ben Stiller’s character in Zoolander. I wonder what ever happened to him. One day he just stopped calling and writing. What’s even weirder is I still stay in touch with some of his sisters. They send me pictures, throw a sheep at me every so often on Facebook and give me the occasional life update (marriage, kids, etc) but no word whatsoever on their brother…I think Balls even sent him some pics of Baby Balls and still got no response…

-Jennifer Connely – I think she is so hot. Her eyebrows kind of freak me out so if we were to have sex, I would so avoid the face money shot. Oh by the way, she talks about getting clean drinking water for Africans…

-Snoop Dog performs with Charlie Wilson (don’t know who he is) – I love me some Snoopy Dog…guy is/was a hard core rapper…does a porno video but still comes across like a family man. I wonder if that diamond studded microphone is for real or if he has someone from his entourage just to bedazzle stuff…

-Kobe Bryant with probably huge zit on his face asks for money. Is he still married to Vanessa? I vaguely remember her being kind of hot…

-Triple H – Wrestling guy is a blast from the past. It makes me think back in the day when I shared an apt with xTian and Balls. You would not believe the girlish screams from xTian every time the Rock came on stage. And don’t forget about Balls. He would say over and over again “Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?”

-Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson - She looks short. If I were to have sex with her, I would really have to fight my deeply ingrained desire to partake in a game of midget tossing…They are talking about obese children which is funny given Randy’s hefty size. He seems to have lost some weight though…

-Carrie Underwood, Teri Hatcher and some plumber guy who is supposed to be her husband (Desperate Housewives?) – Didn’t watch American Idol the season Carrie Underwood won so I am not emotionally vested. She is kind of hot. Not my type though. I used to like Teri Hatcher back in the day when she was Lois. Teri goes onstage to sing with the Band from TV. I thought it was a joke and that Carrie Underwood was going to come out and sing but they are actually a band. Her breasts kept bouncing….they look real and they look spectacular – looks like she didn’t have any makeup though. She looks really old.

-Who the heck is Mary Murphy? Why is she so annoying? Reminds me of Evil….

-Don’t know who the Jonas brothers are! Are they the new Hanson? MMMBop!!!

-I don’t watch the Disney Channel but it seems that Miley Cyrus is pretty popular. Miley Cyrus and Billy Crystal have a schtick that goes on forever. I walk away to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich (hmmm, cheese) and they are still going back and forth…She sings something…

-Now they go to the studio where the Idols are manning the phones. They have Syesha Mercado front and center. She is remarkably cute given how ugly her folks are...it seems kids of mixed race always pick up the best traits of their parents. I had a huge crush on an Euroasian chick back in college. I have moved on…Anyway, Syesha lives in Miami so I will see if I track her down…maybe she can introduce me to Kristy Lee Cook or Carly Smithson.

-Bono comes on and talks about AIDS. He says they need more money. Who is he again? That guy should keep his glasses on…his eyes are freaking me out!

-Julianne Moore comes on asking for money. I have a thing for red heads and thought she was hot but my brand new TV shows her lip wrinkles. It leads me to count them as if they were tree rings and become quite the huge turnoff…

-Fergie comes out with John Legend. Never thought she was hot and the high def shows her with hairy arms. I am very choosy and I have a thing regarding hairy arms…this takes Fergie out of contention.

-Heart comes out. I don’t know a lot about pop culture and have no clue who they are. Fergie joins them in some leather pants. The whole time was spent looking for camel toe…

-John Cena is another wrestling dude. In the background, there was video of him in his wrestling glory. For the record, I was only looking checking his shirtless body to compare muscles.

-They are back to the studio where the Idols are manning the phones. I am thinking about donating so I can have phone sex with Amanda Overmyer.

-Adam sandler looks like he is 40…that guy is falling apart…at least comb your hair. He reminds me of xTian (the falling apart part).

-Peyton and Eli Maning talk about New Orleans. I can’t say anything about Eli…the guy wins a Super Bowl for my New York Giants while slaying the Patriots. Suck it Boston!!!

-Damn that high definition signal. David Beckman is flawless. I guess there is something to say for metrosexuality (are Metrosexuals still around? Do they prefer a different name? Hey xTian, let me know)…Victoria on the other hand is as skinny as a toothpick and her big head is not proportionate to her body…reminds me of xTian as well…

-Annie Lenox is crying on a video and then comes onstage to sing like nothing happened. I have no idea who she was so I googled her. “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This).” Woooooo! Now I know…

-Kiefer Sutherland – Love me Jack Bauer. Besides, I can’t say anything about him…that guy will track me down and waterboard me…by the way, who is down to go watch Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay?

-A clip of Celine Dion in Africa…that woman is all bones…I think some of the money will go to feed her…

- Jimmy Kimmel – He starts making fun of Simon and his man boobs. I see that guy and think of Sarah Silverman. I think she would be a wild cat in bed with all the cursing and bad language…

-They cut to a montage of Simon Cowell in NYC in a medical mobile that provides assistance to children without health insurance…Nothing to add here except that they could have used a more photogenic family…They cut back to him on the studio asking for money.

-Carrie Underwood goes onstage. As stated before, I never saw an episode from her season so I probably have only seen her 2-3 times on TV. Know some of her songs though. A LOT of close ups. I guess they know who they can zoom in with high def…

-Whoppi Goldberg asks for money. I noticed the tattoo by her breast…I wonder if she has a tramp stamp too…

-Ellen Degeneres pretends to be Oprah asking for money…

-Gloria Estefan comes out with Sheila E on drums (no clue who the latter is). I remember one time Gloria was one of the mentors and I think it was one of the worst shows ever. Sheila E knocks down the cymbals so just stays with the drums for the rest of the set

-Speak of the devil, there is Sarah Silverman. She is not that pretty but still willing to try the sex thingie. Also, malaria is not funny!

-Now we cut to Forrest Whitaker and his wife with a story about a little girl with malaria. Mosquito nets to prevent…is that so hard? Ooh….the Prime Minister of Great Britain Gordon Brown pledges to purchase 20 million mosquito nets for Africa…impressive but disappointing at the same time because all these governments pledge money and they fail to follow thru. Not to say anything about George W. Bush but I am always impressed at how eloquently British politicians speak. I need to double check if CSPAN still carry parliamentary debates…

-Keith Urban asks for money…

-Reese Witherspoon…I loved her on Election…she has a very pointy chin though…will have to deduct a point…

-The Idols perform “Seasons of Love.” Only reason I know it is because I recently saw the movie version of Rent. Has anyone seen Kids, Rosario Dawson’s first movie? Hard core stuff….I digress though…

-Dane Cook comes on…I never thought this guy was funny…I don’t understand how some people become famous and make tons of money while I toil day to day to make ends meet…

-Alicia Keys is in Africa. She is hot…man, I sound like Paris Hilton…

-Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens come on TV asking for money. Apparently, they are from the movie High School Musical. It seems I am missing a whole demographic. Time to start watching Disney….

-Speaking of Disney, Miley is back…does she have a new CD coming out? The whole show was about her…I think she stole Fergie’s pants….and Evil, she is 15…don’t go checking for camel toe…

-There is a montage of Billy Ray and Miley in rural Kentucky...Don’t go breaking my achy breaky heart….that guy is smart….riding the gravy train once again!!!

-Robin Williams comes out as the winner of Russian Idol…Is he trying to be Yakov Smirnoff? Simon is not amused…Neither am I!

-Rob Schneider – another comedian asking for money…

-Tyra Banks – does anybody watch her show besides xTian? By the way, “giving to charity is “fierce”

-David Spade – Hahaha….his whole 10 seconds onstage was to introduce Brad Pitt…reminds me of xTian and Evil’s relationship…

-They kept announcing Brad Pitt for the past 2 months, and all he did was to be on a short clip about Katrina for about 3 seconds…Besides, Katrina is so 2 years ago…Yes we know, Bush doesn’t care about black people…

-Brad Pitt comes onstage and got huge cheers. His mike didn’t work …more cheers...waiting to get a new one…okay…what is he going to say? He goes on to introduce Chris Daughtry who is then shown in a video of himself in Uganda…

That’s it…seems “Idol Gives Back” when longer than its allotted 2 ½ hours and my Tivo stopped recording…

Besides, all this typing should have pushed my enemies' posts beyond the first page...

What The F, Europe?

Evil

I do not know much about world history. In fact, I've only taken one history class and that was in high school and I slept through most of it. (Though to be fair, I think the teacher himself slept through most of it.)

I saw this headline in the NYT: "Europe Still Likes Obama, But Doubts Creep In"

The article is about how Europe is still not happy with Obama / The US in one way or another.

Can someone please explain to me what the F is wrong with the f'ing Euros? All they seem to do is bitch about one thing or another, while never stepping up to do the manly thing, like fight the war on terror. (Except for England. I think they've been OK.)

Scene Stealer

Evil

Some people are good at posting about features they want to launch, while others actually launch new features.

New feature for you, Hosers! I call this one called "Scene Stealer." From time to time, I'll post pics that I rip off from various sources on the Internet. Think of this feature as "photographic quickies."

First up... a doggie washing machine! How awesome is this contraption? Too bad that little dog looks like he's being tortured. Waterboarding, anyone? Still, I might just have to get one in order to make fox terrier maintenance a little easier. (Source: Time Magazine)


Next up: very nice photoshopping job by the New York Times... check out Barak Obama as a Ferengi!

I kid! I kid! All the Star Trek nerds just had an aneurysm. This is Barak Obama as a Vulcan. It comes from a Maureen Dowd column that's not worth reading, as is the case with all Maureen Dowd columns. (Source: NYT)

BONUS! (Added a little after the original post was published)...

Wow, those innovative Japanese have figured out how to grow heart-shaped watermelons! I wonder if KenTak3 bought one of these for Mamacita on their recent trip to Japan? (Source: InventorSpot)

Getting Political

Evil

The election is only 2 weeks away and it looks like Obama is going to take it without much difficulty. Also, the Democrats are looking forward to big gains in Congress, in both the House and the Senate. It's possible that they'll end up with 60 seats in the Senate, which will give Democrats a filibuster-proof majority. Over the next 4 years... heck, let's be realistic... 8 years of the Obama administration, he'll also likely appoint 3 new members of the Supreme Court.

That's a huge sea change: Democrats in the White House, Democrats in the House, Democrats in the Senate, and a more liberal Supreme Court. Which has me thinking: will we finally see legalization of marijuana in America? Or at the very least, legalization of industrial hemp.

Potatoe

I have posting privileges, so my thoughts need not be relegated to the comments section.

1. Last night Barak Obama gave perhaps the best political speech I’ve ever heard. The news media is nuts not to pay more attention to it. I think this will get more credit in hindsight.

2. As a media spectacle, this was an enormous success. Apparently, in addition to the 80k in the stadium, 38 million people tuned in to watch. That’s more than the any given day of the Olympics (including opening ceremonies), more than the last American Idol finale. Rove must be off sweating somewhere. McCain can’t be looking forward to the debates.

3. The attack aspect was a nice nod to the Dem’s 2004 convention. Kerry did everything he could to seem positive and enthusiastic ("reporting for duty!"). He took the high road, and did not attack. A week later at the GOP convention, the Repuplicans tore him a new one. Good job being preemptive this time.

4. McCain’s VP decision seems positively Quayle-esque. It’s such a ham-handed gesture to disgruntled Hillary supporters (which I think is more of a media sensation than an actual block of voters). Meanwhile he’s got someone who won’t add one lick to his administration, doesn’t shore up a single weak spot in his candidacy, and effectively gives away the experience line of attack on Sen. Obama. Where are all the qualified Republican women? Is Condi not returning his calls? PS – Gov. Palin’s husband looks like a total d-bag, even for a professional snowmobiler, whatever that is.

5. I’m also not looking forward to the GOP convention. I think it is going to be a real downer. All of the speakers will come out swaggering and attacking – swinging wildly and hoping something hits. It will all be a bit pathetic. I think if you drink every time you hear the word “surge,” you’ll be dead by day 2.

Ask xTian: The Speech

All day people have been coming up to me asking me the same question "xTian, President Obama's speech was not very great. I mean there was no '...but fear itself' line in there at all. What gives?"

A few immediate reactions
It is my position that history will tell us if there was a great line of any sort. It is unclear if anyone knows what they are watching when it happens. Apparently, one of the few notable exceptions was Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. Of course it had the benefit of following some cornball who banged on for one hour reliving the battle and reading his "honey-do" list. By the way, I might be alone here but I've been thinking to myself that there are a lot of similarities between Lincoln and Obama. I do not understand why the media has not picked up on this more and discussed it.

There were more allusions than I knew what to do with, it was like a foreclosure sale on history (beat). What did Washington at Valley Forge have to do with anything? I guess it was cold out today...

The speech was demonstrably muted. We all know he can get a crowd to its feet. My theory is that he simply chose not to. People are using the word "sober".I think that's a good word to use especially in light of all the excess of the last 8 years. Everybody needs to sober up and go help your fellow man or something. While you're at it stop hoping some dude is going to walk in and lift your spirits every other week. He's busy trying to save the country you self involved goons.

The whole idea of "our better history" was neat. It also gave him a chance to rail on our recent history. Ronald Reagan tried to "starve the beast" and mostly succeeded. He was so successful that the next time the Democrats came in, there was no more talk of a "Great Society". All the sudden we started balancing budgets and talking about how "The Era of Big Government is over". WTF? Way to roll over Bill! Of course, if these months of bail outs and crises have shown us anything, it's that this was all hogwash. Thankfully, Barack took back the baton and reasserted the potential to do good with government. As dessert to that main course,he made sure to remind everyone that the US has a leadership role and slapped our GWB for his unilateralism and occasionally reckless foreign policy. Jimmy Carter was there to, but the President did not poke at him at all. Poor Jimmy, always getting ignored...

If there is a lesson in all this its this. Don't walk up to me in a Starbucks and ask me about stuff like this. Your coffee will get cold while you politely stand there listening to me bang on endlessly.

BTW- I am looking for a picture of George H W Bush and his wife Barbara. First off, 41 was sporting a nifty hat. He and his wife wore matching purple scarves. They looked great on TV.

Three cheers for big ears

More for the POTUS/FLOTUS hotness debate: Barack Obama is our hottest president and, dare I say, hot for a non-president. This article in Slate talks about how a woman should focus not on looks or wealth, because Obama, for example had neither of those as a young student or community organizer. I disagree! He was good looking then! Am I crazy or have people's sense of attractiveness become completely wonky?

Switch Channels!

NBC is calling things left and right. Obama has 340 electoral votes, McCain has 300. It's madness.

The Cha just said "Obama"! Very cute. Anyone who wants to hear a 1.5 year get brainwashed by his parents, give us a call.

Taking It To The Next Level

Evil

From time to time, I will comment on current trends and predict where things are heading. I call this series "Taking It To The Next Level."

Let's start with the status of the Office Of The President. As we all know, Presidential prestige has been in decline for decades now. The downgrade of Presidential prestige started innocently enough when Jimmy Carter got the shit scared out of him by... WAIT FOR IT... a rabbit! There was no way he was going to win re-election after that.

So in comes President George HW Bush. He lessens the status of our country's Head of State going to a foreign land (Japan) and vomiting on its's Prime Minister. Not really his fault, since it was probably bad sushi. Those sneaky Japanese! But still, a blow the Office Of The President nonetheless.

Once Bill Clinton takes the Oval Office, things start to get really crazy. Jizzing on an intern's dress and cigar-banging her. Not that these acts are bad, necessarily. The main problem was that the entire fiasco played out on 24 hour cable news.

George W Bush... actually, under his watch, the status of the Office Of The President got a temporary reprieve. Big ups to "W" for doing it old school and upholding the prestige of his office.

We all know the latest incident, where Congressman Joe Wilson yells out "You lie!" to Barack Obama during an address to a joint session of Congress.

So what can we expect for the rest of the Obama administration and beyond? What would be Taking It To The Next Level? I predict that during a future State Of The Union Address, the cameras will cut to the audience and we'll catch some random Congressman from some lame-ass Gerrymandered district rolling his eyes and making a "jerk off" motion with his hand. Yes, that's what it's coming down to.

The Hosecast: Episode 6 and 7 - The Return of Evil

EVIL IS BACK (!) and the Hosecast has him here for a double dip.

Listen to Part 1 here. Evil tells xTian all about China, the underbelly of economic hyper expansion and basket jobs.

In Part 2 xTian and Evil go over the changes to the Hose since Evil went off the grid. Evil unable to help himself picks a fight with a fan favorite Catjjy, explains why Michelle Obama is not sexy, and clears up the entire Marisa Tomei issue once and for all.

Part 2 is a doozy - A listener's guide is available after the jump
More...

Evil and xTian realize that it was Catjjy who started this whole attainable business with regards to Marisa Tomei. They find the proof here.

How sexy is Michelle Obama exactly? Evil and xTian had strong opinions here. Recognizing there was no competition for her in the "First Ladies" bucket. They guys moved her to a new one - female ESPN personalities - just to see where she would fall.

Where would you stack her up against Pam Oliver (=sex), Hannah Storm, Suzy Kolber, Collen Dominguez and Michelle Tafoya?

In other news, I was listening to Adam Carolla's podcast today, and they can't get Skype to work clean either! Big ups to our IT Staff.

Apologies for not getting one in last week, between the Memorial Day holiday and the Bump's flakiness I was not able to get one up.

Subscribe via iTunes here

Evil's Ignorant Political Commentary

Evil

Hold on to your hats, political world... The Hose is about to have a bigger say in who gets elected to public office and who doesn't. Why the change now...?

Earlier this week, in a landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled that the government cannot ban corporate entities from spending money to weigh in on candidate elections. So for example, if Obama is going after the so-called "fatcat bankers," said fatcat bankers can pool their money together and start running ads bashing Obama. On a smaller scale, you can really see how money from corporations and unions can really influence a bunch of Senate and House races.

And in steps The Hose... with our corporate coffers brimming, we're in a position to support candidates who uphold the values of The Hose. I, for one, demand that anti-depressants be covered at 100% w/ no co-pay in any healthcare reform bill. I think Xtian will demand an allotment of morning-after pills every quarter. Manolo will demand amnesty. KillerB is lobbying for government-subsidized back hair removal. Sparks is trying to line himself up with a high-paying, low-responsibility government post, something like being the U.S. Ambassador to Martini-kistan.

Watch It, Obama

Evil

Oh no he di'int!!! Obama lashes out a "fat cat bankers"?! This anti-feline bias is unbecoming for our first post-racial president. If you start a war with the felines, you better be prepared to end it. Also be prepared for Bo to be a casualty of this war. I don't think you're ready for the consequences.