Manolo Drinks Around The World

When I was very little, my parents used to tell me all the time “Dime con quién andas y te diré quién eres”. That literally translates to “tell me with whom you walk and I will tell you who you are.” I guess the best English version of this proverb would be “A man is known by the company he keeps.”

That is why I was super excited this weekend. Balls’ father (aka Balls Senior) emailed me about two weeks and told me he was going to be in Orlando for a week or so. I felt that this was a great opportunity to spend some quality time with Balls’ parents. I tend to have an excellent relationship with my buddies parents and strongly believe they would exchange their own son/daughter for a Manolo in heartbeat. I think the sole exception is Xtian’s Mom who never gave me a chance and thinks that I am gay and a probable drunkard...

Anyway, I leave the office on Saturday afternoon and get on the turnpike with my brother for the 4 hour car ride. At some junction, I started listening to a play list of punk rock songs that Xtian once helped me make back in 2000 for an Argentinean cocktail waitress from the local strip club.

We are minding our own business and “punking out” when an officer of the Florida Highway Patrol turns on his flashy lights and stops me for speeding. After lowering the volume on The Ramones “I Wanna Be Sedated”, he asks me a series of innocuous questions such as are you carrying any drugs and do you have any weapons. He then proceeds to issue me a ticket for $210 for going 92 mph in a 65 mph zone. This is injustice at the highest level which I am going to fight tooth and nail...

Since this injustice perpetrated against me happened almost at the end of my trip, we made it to Orlando from Miami in 3 ½ hours as opposed to the 4 hours estimated by MapQuest. (Suck it MapQuest). I think I could have made it in 3 hours if it hadn’t been for the fact that I had to go the last 45 minutes at the posted speed limit (very embarrassing to have senior citizens in their Mercury honking their horns and shaking their fists at you). I also got lost once I actually got to Disney World (that place is huge)…

After all my travails, I eventually made it to Disney’s Boardwalk Villas where Balls’ parents were staying. We went to a nice dinner with the Epcot fireworks exploding in the background (very romantic). The next day we went to the Polynesian Resort where we spent a few glorious hours baking under the sun while sipping on piña coladas and racing our own personal speed boats. I actually had to go back and exchange my watercraft three times until I found one that allowed me to keep up more or less with Balls’ Mom whose boat was possessed and kept leaving everyone on her wake. Of course, the Disney Coast Guard didn’t think she was going too fast. They didn’t have a problem though stopping me and telling ME to SLOW DOWN…

After a few more hours of relaxation we went to Epcot to partake in the grand old tradition of “Drinking Around The World.” For those not familiar with the tradition, you start at one end of the World Showcase at Epcot (I usually start with France) and you order a drink. You are supposed to finish your drink by the next country in the showcase. Usually by the time you get to Mexico, you have had 6-7 drinks and have a nice buzz going and are ready for the food from the local cantina. We did make it to Mexico but it seemed to take a few more drinks than usual. It seemed that Epcot was having some sort of Food and Wine Festival which meant that they added like 25 countries…Of course, I didn’t know this until I was ¾ done with the world…one or two more countries and I could have been ranked on the same level as Alexander the Great or Ghengis Khan!!!

The next day I parted ways with Balls’ parents. My brother and I went to Universal Studios and then drove home. The parental units went to Discovery Cove (Sea World) to swim with the dolphins. A little birdie told me that it seems one of the dolphins was jealous of Ball’s mom and proceeded to drag her to the bottom of the lagoon before she finally let go…

Anyway, they are still wrecking havoc in Orlando…I wonder if Balls Senior has conquered the countries I failed to conquer (Blast you Poland, blast you!!!)