Dear Hose,

Long time reader, 3rd time posting....What has happened? When did this blogspot became Evil's blogspot...my god, hardly anybody else writes and all he does is rant about something or other....Doesn't he have anything else to do? Doesn't he have like a job or something? Oh wait....

Anyways, even if Friends its a foreign concept or if you feel uncomfortable watching Will & Grace for whatever Metrosexual reasons you may have, I implore everybody to start watching Coupling on NBC. Rena Sofer is freaking hot and I can't keep popping my "Keeping the Faith" DVD just to see her in action...



Hey Xtian...you remember rushing to Astoria to catch "Ed" on Wednesday nights...yeah yeah!!!

Perfect Gentlemen

Back in Winter of 2001 I was living in Astoria with Manolo and Bad Will Hunting. On ocassion one of Manolo's pimpalicious friends would show up and drag us with him to Flashdancers. Manolo went far more often than I did, a fact I discovered only after I accidently thought his credit card bill was mine.

Anywho, going to FDs is kind of a slippery slope. Once you start its kind of hard to stop and it becomes the fall back plan for any night that is shaping up to be pretty lame.
Manolo and I had this running joke

10pm (any night of the week)

Me: what are you up to?

Manolo: I dunno. what are you up to?

Me: Nothing. That's why I was wondering what you were up to

Manolo: Nah,man not me. I got nothing.

Then we would book for the door and try to hail a cab and hit FDs. In our defense we probably only got out the door, maybe 2-3 times. But the other 20 times we both knew we wanted to go but neither of us wanted to be the one actually responsbile for spendig all that money.

But like I admitted earlier. We went and pretty often. Besides, for us Astoria types it was really easy. you're in a cab, you're going to midtown anyway because that's where the 59th St Bridge (Queensbridge for y'all who know) is and you know, its a quick right instead of a quick left and BAM! boobage!

These days, 2.5 years later, I am seeing similarly disturbing patterns emerging.
I'm just minding my own, when i hear a few clowns doing a quick exchange:

"New Century?"

"New Century."

(Cut to the Batmoble)
Not that I am actively participating in it. In fact at this point in my life I might be disgusted with the whole scene or maybe just the place that some friends of mine like to go to. I have only been once. When you enter you are given a large fountain cup and when you walk into the joint there is a fountain machine, where you can drink as much HiC or Coke as you want. CLASSY! I have only been once but these cats are rolling over there on the regular. Bit much for my tastes.

As Mr. Shoulders used to say whenever he swung through FDs
"I'll take the Go-Go-Rama on rt 35 any day!"

Evil
SLEEVE: I know you posted this one!

Evil
Hey yo. I haven't been around. Just got back from a detox center in Florida. I did happen to catch the California debate on JetBlue last nite tho. I think it's officially over for California. When is Bill Clinton going to step in and save the day?

What else?

Oh, after living most of my life in New York, I spotted a celebrity for the first time last week. I was going in to a meeting at 1440 Broadway and saw P. Diddy at the elevator banks. He was dishing out a bunch of demands to his crew. I tried to get in to the same elevator car as him, but these two goons were not going to have any of it. (Turns out that the Sean John offices are in 1440 Broadway, but that's not why I was there.)

What else?

Kentaro has been very quiet lately. What's going on? Has Ken been putting in some extra hours as Theo Epstien's right hand man? Engineering the Red Sox's post-season run?

What else?

Sorry I'm a little late on the news, but remember the Guantanamo army chaplain who got was accused of spying? His name is Captain James Yee. C'mon now... doesn't he look like any one of 4 or 5 people who you know? That guy could be anyone. I think he sort of looks like this kid Noph from Columbia.

Backlash what?

Stacy Pressman, who is really hot, goes off on metrosexuals in ESPN. Read it here!

The summer finale of the OC was pre-empted last night so they could show some stupid baseball game. Who can care about Barry when Seth, Eminem and the gang were going to T.J.????

Bay area freaks??

Evil
Mesmerize yourself with this for a few seconds...

Jets

This year the Jets are 0-2

Last year the Jets, Started the season 1-3 but Vinny went down and was replaced by the Chad. Who led the NFL in QB rating and made late season run into the Playoffs, embarrasing the Colts on their way to getting pushed around by the Raiders in the second round of the playoffs.

In 2001, The NY Football Jets started the season 1-2 (i think) before coming back, heating up and making a late play off run.

In 2000, the Jets finished 9-7 in the a season that included the monday Night Miracle and 3 wins early where they were outplayed embarrasingly until Al Groh finally cut loose Vinny and the Spread (eagle) offense.

In 1999, Vinny went down in game 1 and the Jets started the season horribly. After surviving the Rick Mirir debacle they brought in Big Play Ray Lucas, who earned himself a decent contract by leading the Jets to a respectable 8-8 record after some major upsets including smacking the Dolphins around something awful on a monday that I proudly recall.

In 1998, the J-E-T-S started the season with Glenn Foley who went down in Game 3, and was replaced by Vinny who led the team to a 12-4 record and an appearance in the AFC Championship game.

Where am I going with this...not sure....except that the Jets have not figured out how to start a season to save their life in the last 5 years.

Evil
A taco eating competition... hmm. Sounds intriguing, but you know what... I'll have to pass. I do enjoy some taco once in a while, but I don't see myself munching on a long line of them. Who knows where they've been? Those eating competitions never really look like they meet the minimum bar for cleanliness. Besides, I hate eating something and feeling bad about it afterwards. You chicks in the audience are probably familiar with that feeling, right? The second you are done swallowing, that guilt smacks you in the face. It's all about self love. Speaking of which... Shout out to MR. SHOULDERS. Just making sure he's still alive.

Paul Krugman has a pretty good Op-Ed piece in the Times today which better communicates my feelings watching the President's speech than I could. Normally I think Paul goes a bit far but I found this right on.

I am vibing with Wes Clark right now, anyone with a title that includes the phrase "supreme allied commander" is pretty cool. Still backing Howard Dean though...

Linen should generally only be worn while sailing or possibly at a BBQ. I know NYers tend to just wear it whenever its not cold but I am pretty sure that is overkill. The stuff wrinkles to easily and where can you walk around being wrinkled and not look dumb.

I usually keep it in the closet unless there is a polo match to attend.

This commercial seems to be part of some MBA backlash that I did not know existed. Its funny, i mean Jeremy Shockey backlash I understand, the guy is totally over exposed but are MBAs really that over exposed?

Wierd...

Speaking of backlash there is already some to my unfortunate Haasweek column, The Hustle, which is going to be a weekly feature. As soon as it gets posted on the Haasweek site, I will post a link. For those of you who don't know it will focus on my work to find a job. So far I have put zero effort into it, so imagine what the first article will be about. I have a wednesday deadline and I have nothing to write about. Sad.

More later

Evil
I think that X-TIAN should write a Metrosexual advice column. Why do I think that? Because sometimes I need the good advice of a metrosexual. As such, I am submitting the first question to X-TIAN's advice column in hopes that he'll answer it.

Dear X-TIAN,

People say that you can't wear white pants after Labor Day. But is it OK to wear linen pants after Labor Day? (Non-white ones, of course.) I don't feel as tho I've worn enough linen this year and want to get in a few more linen days before it becomes ass cold in NYC.

Unrelated...

I never did get that fly. Damn fly.

Evil
GOAL OF THE DAY

There is this damn fly that keeps landing on me. It's touch and go. Touch and go. The fly is pissing me off. He just landed on my nose, as if taunting me to smack my own face. I didn't fall for it. So HAH. My goal of the day is to smack this damn fly. I'll keep you all posted...

Evil


Let's do a little mental exercise, shall we? C'mon, it'll be fun!

The picture above is that of a baby walker. I trust you've all seen one of these contraptions in action at one point or another (despite the meagerness of your lives). Now try to imagine a similar jig... not for babies, but for dogs! Doggie slips into a little harness supported by a lightweight aluminum frame. The whole thing is on wheels and doggy scoots along the ground with the effective body weight of a mutt on the moon. Can you see it?

Well get this. I saw a woman walking her dog in such a contraption today! (I wish I had my camera with me, but I didn't.) The little dog was scooting along free and easy. Barely an effort.

When I caught hold of this, I did what came most naturally to me. Now, those of you who know me probably know that sometimes I say out loud thoughts that are in my head. You might also know that sometimes I have no idea how loud I'm talking, despite the fact that I'm talking really damn loud. As this woman and her pooch cross in front of me, I go: "DAMN WOMAN, YOUR DOG NEEDS TO TOUGHEN UP!"

She shot a nasty glare in my direction, as if to say, "Go put on a rice hat and build me a railroad, Chinaman." Okay, maybe I was overly-defensive there. But in any event, there I was... standing next to a woman whom I had clearly just insulted. I weighed my options:

1. Pretend I never said anything in the first place and give the woman a bewildered look. Bank on the fact that her being a white, older woman from the upper east side also makes her cuh-ray-zee. See if she will crumble under her own self doubt.

2. Think of a witty follow-up line to diffuse the tension. The downside of this option is that I have to think of a witty follow-up line.

3. Run away.

In that moment of truth, I went with Option 3. I think my mom, my friends, my minister, every teacher I've had from Kindergarten thru 12th grade, and my parole officer would all be proud of me.

Evil
The bugs are eating me alive. I swear. The past two nights I've hardly slept because when I'm not furiously scratching my feet, legs, arms, neck, and other places, I am lying still, feeling little insect nibbles on my skin.

This morning, I woke up with a tube of toothpaste beside my pillow. My feet and ankles were smeared with a flouridey-fresh tartar control formula. (Yay!) But why? In fact, I noticed that my legs, both elbows, parts of my forearm, my stomach, upper left thigh, and neck all sported clumsily applied circles of toothpaste. Apparently, my semi-conscious self wandered to the bathroom during the night to find a cure for these crazy bug bites.

Is my bed really THAT dirty? I never eat on it or anything. What can it be? Is my blood just that much better tasting than my neighbors' blood? There is a girl who lives one floor below me and she's quite the chubster. Hey bugs, if you're reading this... GO SUCK ON HER! Leave me alone. Please.

One Word

Bukkake!

Evil
Weird dreams last night.

In the first one, I heard the chattering of several teenage girls outside my bedroom window. I lifted the shade and peered outside. It was five or six teenage girls, all black, gathered on the fire escape for a quick smoke and a chat. They didn't see me. In the dream, I wondered to myself why I had never before noticed that huge fire escape.

In the second dream, I was still in my bedroom, still in bed. I heard the rickety door to the fire escape swing open. I lifted the shade and peered outside. It was a single teenage girl, still black, but in a light-skinned sort of way. The fire escape is no longer huge, but it's now much closer to my window. In fact, it's right at my window. I see the girl. She see me. She is embarrassed, stomps out her cigarette, and goes back inside.

I live on the 5th floor. The living room window of my apartment faces a small office building. One of the offices has sheets of shatterproof plastic installed on the outside of their windows. I noticed late last night that when the lights are out in the office, when it's dark outside, when it's dark inside my apartment, I have a clear and illuminated view of the apartment directly beneath me, reflected from the sheets of shatterproof plastic. That is, when the girl who lives in there has her halogen lamp on, as she did last night.

She is blonde. Last night, she wore a tight beige top that wrapped her tight body. I didn't see anyone else in her apartment but I'm not sure if she lives alone. When she went to the bathroom, she closed the door behind her. She watches TV with a severe forward lean. I wonder what drew her attention so. She sews. I watched as she pulled thread through cloth with slender outstretched arms. Who sews these days? Apparently, she does.

DAMN
	ouch, apparently Chad is out for 12 weeks and fantasy football GMs everywhere are scramble to take Chad off the depth chart and debate if Dante Culpepper will have a good year. What about Vinny? Who knows....he looked done last year but reports say he is in awesome condition. It might be over.

On Saturday, I checked out the Sprite Liquid Mix Tour in Concord, CA. Boy was it hot!. The bill was Talib Kweli, The Roots, O.A.R. and the headliners N.E.R.D.

I know its strange, how does N.E.R.D. headline over The Roots and what are the alt-southern frat rockers O.A.R even doing on that bill.

Not sure, all i know is that Pharrell is the Biggest Popstar out...and little girls were screaming their heads off singing along to "Brain" a rap about bj. Very interesting and a great show.

Evil
Where is X-TIAN? Clearly, this place falls apart when a certain Big Head is not around. Personally, I am too busy with my 12-step program to spend much time with you tool boxes. But I couldn't resist posting these pics:



WOW! Sexy.

(And that Kournikova chick isn't too shabby herself.)

Evil
Actually, thirteen year old girls have the advantage when it comes to writing screenplays. They just crank out something that might or might not be junk but every 27 year old with a Joey Tribbiani haircut is running out to see it under the assumption that the movie is about a thirteen year old girl who falls in with the wrong crowd and subsequently gets her vag poked (repeatedly). Oh, that IS what this movie is about?