The OOs: TV Shows We Liked to Watch: #10

Following the same drill as before, I decided to highlight some of the shows that I thought were important in the last ten years. Same rules as before, but I liked Killer B #1's style so much I am going to do them one post at a time but with a twist. I am actually doing this countdown style. So I have 10 to get to, and sometime around December 31st I will unveil what I thought was the show of the decade
So without further ado...
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The Chappelle Show: No show soared higher or flamed out more quickly. White kids everywhere started declaring themselves Rick James, even though most had no idea who Rick James was. People were talking about it everywhere and almost entirely by accident in a way that no one ever talked about Half Baked, even though I always argued we should.

Everyone knows how this story ended. Dave had an incredibly successful second season and then was offered $50MM to do several additional seasons. An offer he accepted then ran away from as he became less comfortable with the show and the pressures of fame and fortune.

Of course, the weirdest thing about all this, was how aware Chappelle was of his undoing as seen is this clip below...

Chappelle's Show
Dave Has $55 Million
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

Pop Culture Images of the Decade

Oh Man. Who can forget this crazy lady, with her crazy eyes? Is she the craziest looking person ever?

So why was everyone so surprised when the "Runaway Bride" Jennifer Wilbanks disappeared in 2005? As you'll recall, she went out for a jog in her ritzy Atlanta neighborhood and disappeared.

I'm not certain, but I think this was kinda the kickoff to the news media's "missing white girl" fetish. Or maybe it was Chandra Levy? But that was more of a political thriller.

Anyway, Wilcox hadn't been abducted and taken to Albuquerque by a Hispanic man as she claimed. She had just gone nuts.

Amazing Photo!

Evil

If you want to see a photo if a croc biting off a person's arm, click here. (Warning: graphic image! Don't click if squeamish.) Amazingly, the arm was reattached. I find that hard to believe.

Pop Culture Images of the Decade

Ah - now this one is classic. Most of you will remember this as the famous Superbowl "wardrobe malfunction". Parents were outraged. JT was embarrassed. Janet Jackson was momentarily famous again. And, Evil came within an inch of seeing his first real boob ever.

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy (or Gal)

Evil

Re-ject-ed!!! :(

It's All Xtian's Fault

Evil

And now, scientific proof that XTIAN and his "geeky" ways scared off all the chicks while we were at university. Damn you, XTIAN. You suck.

Pop Culture Images of the Decade

Ah - Adorable Prince Harry, he's so cute and innocent..... WTF!!!, is he dressed like a Nazi?

Oh, Harry, you royal douchebag. You've lived such a sheltered life you really don't know what offends people. Some day you will grow up and make Grandpa Philip seem seem positively charming and compassionate by comparison.

The Evolution of Tiger Woods

Evil

First, he was a talented but petulant golfing great. Winning tournaments seemingly without trying but also dropping F-bombs to any photographer within 50 yards of him who dare snap a photo during his swing.

Then he was a shut-off, arrogant a-hole. After all that winning, Tiger didn't find it in his heart to give back to either the press or his adoring public. By "give back," I am not talking about material items. I'm talking about simply opening up to the press and sharing ANY genuine thoughts at all with his fans. Have you ever heard Tiger say anything interesting in a press conference? Never. He only gives generic, closed-off answers.

Then the car crash happened, followed by a rash of Clinton-era "bimbo eruptions." YIKES! Tiger suddenly became a wife-disrespecting philandering douche bag.

So what next? Where does Tiger go now? Apparently, the answer is... CRYBABY.

After rumors of Tiger taking HGH, he sent his agent to plead to a newspaper about to break the story:

"I would really ask that you guys don't write this? If Tiger is NOT implicated, and won't be, let's please give the kid a break."

First of all, Tiger... when a kid in the school yard punches you in the nose, do you run to mommy and/or your agent? Dick.

And what's with his agent saying "give the kid a break." Is he a kid anymore? And does a $1 Billion dollar worldwide athlete who's banged at least a dozen bimbos behind his wife's back deserve a break? I'm optimistic that this will be the end of Tiger for good. Don't need or want to see him ever again.

Go Phil! (Great golfer and a class act.)

Helping The Homeless... What A Scam!

Evil

In the midst of our difficult economic times, I'm glad to see that justice and order are both slowly being restored. Here's today's example:

Court Orders United Homeless Organization to Remove Tables

The state attorney general, Andrew M. Cuomo, obtained a court injunction on Tuesday ordering the United Homeless Organization to immediately remove its sidewalk donation tables pending the outcome of a civil lawsuit Mr. Cuomo's office has filed against the group, which he has called an elaborate sham that does not help the needy.

Luckily, I never donated to this group (or any group, for that matter, except for my college and high school alma mater), so I don't feel ripped off. Nevertheless, I'm glad to hear that others won't be ripped off in the future. Use the money to donate to your university's billion-dollar endowments, people!

Pop Culture Images of the Decade

I think we can all remember where we were and what we were doing when we first saw this one...but let's not elaborate.

For those who want to pretend they don't know what this is because their strict parents and sheltered upbringing requires them to squash any suggestion of prurient tendencies, this is what Paris Hilton looks like while having sex in the dark, when shot with a military grade night vision camera. In case you were wondering.

Shocking Fact Of The Day

Evil

In an otherwise grim report about service cuts in NYC public transportation, I learned this shocking fact:

"Handicapped riders who are now picked up at home and driven to destinations throughout the city would no longer be able to use the so-called door-to-door service under the plan. Instead, the authority would transport disabled riders to handicapped-accessible subway and bus stops, which is the minimum service required by federal law."

What the F have we been doing all this time?! Picking people up from their house and driving them to their destinations? That's not public transportation! It's private transportation!!! I am outraged that my taxpayer dollars have been used in this manner. Thank goodness for budget cuts so that we can now get back to a saner system.

Watch It, Obama

Evil

Oh no he di'int!!! Obama lashes out a "fat cat bankers"?! This anti-feline bias is unbecoming for our first post-racial president. If you start a war with the felines, you better be prepared to end it. Also be prepared for Bo to be a casualty of this war. I don't think you're ready for the consequences.

Pop Culture Images of the Decade

Michael Jackson made headlines twice this decade - this was the first time.

Worst Olympics Ever!

Evil

It's not good news for an Olympic host city when news outlets start publishing headlines like: "Rio's Olympic Task: Fighting Crime."

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

This is going to be the WORST OLYMPICS EVER!!! I don't fault Rio, though. It's not their fault they have such chaos on their streets. I blame the insufferable Europeans on the Olympic committee who did this just to give the USA a big ol' F-YOU.

On a related note, you should watch this video if for no other reason than because Erin Burnett is in it! Although what are the NBC bigwigs thinking, sending her on location in Rio?!? Erin is your cash cow, fools! She could have easily taken some shrapnel in the face... and then what?

Also, this video features a rare view of Erin Burnett in casual clothes, full body shot. Surprising revelation: her hips are growing out of control!!! Now, some people like the big hip / big ass look (I am partial to it myself), but I cannot imagine that a white girl like Erin Burnett is pleased with the rapid expansion of her lower half.

Pop Culture Images of the Decade

Introducing my contribution the The Hose's Decadendingpalooza - memorable pop moments caught on film.

Today I bring you Fonzworth Bentley, P-Diddy's personal valet, making an even bigger than usual jackass of himself, holding an umbrella over his client's head as they stroll back to Diddy's yacht, anchored off the coast of Dipshitolia.

Where Are They Now? - Family Ties Edition

Evil

Remember that cute little Brian Bonsall from Family Ties? OMG, look at him now!!! I've never been so scared of a white man before.

Music that Mattered to KillerB

I think X-tian did an impressive and concise walk down his memory lane with the music of the aughts.

Rather than trying to think about artists - I'm going to think about places - specifically, places I lived, and what I remember about the music I was listening to. Just as the Counting Crows and Snoop Dogg will forever be associated with my freshman dormroom, many artist of the 00's will always remind me of places.
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Place: Nashville - my first solo apartment at 2108 Hayes Street, right next to the legendary Exit-Inn. My 00's began in October 1999 when I saw Ryan Adams play a solo gig there. Then, when Heartbreaker was released in September 2000, the decade was on! When Gold was released 1 year later, New York, New York was a Friday night anthem of sorts. I remember coming home from a Super-T show one night, New York, New York blaring, car full of the happiest people ever. Super-T was also a big part of my Nashville years. Aging gym teacher by day - Superman costumed soul/funk/punk explosion by night.

In 2002 I moved to New Haven CT. When I wasn't watching the Paris Hilton sex tape I spent a lot of my time pulling White Stripes songs off of Napster. Seven Nation Army still gets me amped up. Then, in 2003 I went to the Austin City Music Festival. Kings of Leon weren't anybody yet - as evidenced by their Friday morning, 11Am slot on a side stage. They admitted not being awake yet - and then went apeshit berzerk for 45 minutes. I would wager that of the ~200 people there to see it, ~199 haven't seen anything like it since.

Johnny Cash had died a few days earlier. Roseanne Cash was supposed to play ACL, so instead the Drive-By-Truckers hosted a Johnny Cash tribute during her slot. For me, their 2003 Decoration Day was one of the best song-by-song albums of the decade. To kick off the tribute, they played video for Hurt, which is one of the most remarkable videos ever aired.



At that same festival, Conor Oberst fronted Bright Eyes played a respectible set from "Lifted or the Story is in the Soil, Keep your Ear to the Ground", but it was their 2005 "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning" that was their best contribution to the decade. I still put this CD on when I cook on Sunday nights. Too bad they diluted it with the simultaneously released "Digital Ash for a Digital Urn".

KillerB2 and I went to the Newport Folk Festival in 2005 and saw Conor Oberst play a really cool set with M Ward, who has also had some great contributions in the second half of the decade, both as a solo artist, as the Him to Zooey Deschanel's She, and in the Monsters of Folk with Oberst and Jim James (Yim Yames).

Lastly, I'll throw in someone I've been listening to for the last month - Somali born K'naan. He did a killer Tiny Desk Concert on NPR's all songs considered:





I kinda lost track of my "places" theme - but I'm not going to re-write this. I'm sloppy.

Update

Evil

The Well-Profiled Friend is getting married this weekend. It's the end of an era.

Evil Gets His Feelings Hurt

Evil

The place where I usually go to for massages is quite good. The place is clean, the prices are reasonable, and most importantly, it's the closest massage place relative to my apartment. So for someone as lazy as me, there really isn't any other choice.

But the place has this little quirk. I think they have an unwritten rule that the more skilled a massage therapist is, the more they are allowed to insult the customers. I've been there dozens of times and have encountered four different massage therapists who I consider to be really excellent. All four have insulted me!!! The rest are mostly decent and none of them have insulted me. I've encountered a few that were not very good at giving massages (weak hands), but they were the nicest, sweetest girls. I think there is some kind of inverse law going on here.

I went for a massage yesterday afternoon. Got a girl with strong hands and excellent technique. Needless to say, she was ruthless with her insults. Here are some highlights... err, lowlights:

- "You're the kind of person who works out very little but gets massages very often, arent you? I can feel it in your muscles."

- "You look like you're in shape, but your muscles are very soft. The truth is hard to listen to, isnt it?"

- "Oh my god, you're so pale. Dont you ever go out into the sunlight?"

- "You know, giving you a massage gives me enjoyment as well." ("Why?" I ask) "Because your muscles are so soft. It's relaxing on my hands."

Booo! Evil's feelings hurt.

The 00s: Music that Mattered to xTian

Coming up with a top 10 list was actually really hard. So I did not do that, instead I did this. I thought about some key musical acts that I felt represented the decade thematically (either in terms of their success over the decade or a music trend that they somehow started or ended) and jotted down thoughts around key songs that propelled them into the zeitgeist

Arrogant? Yes
Well Conceived? No
Well Executed? eh

...do your worst!

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Crazy In Love: Beyonce (with Jay-Z) - No one could avoid this song (thankfully I was out of the country for most of its dominance). Jay Z decided Beyonce was the hot one in Destiny's Child and a nation agreed to avoid mocking her unattractive legs even when she refused to hide them. If Beyonce were Michael Jordan this would be her 63 pt game in the playoffs against Bird and the Celtics.

Such Great Heights: Postal Service - Ben Gibbard takes a break from wallowing in self pity to wallow in some self pity with keyboards. Manic Depressives, sexually abused emo-punks, tech heads and Nintendo aficionados unite under one banner(!) and pave the way for the Howard Dean campaign and Radiohead's return to Ok, Computer levels of greatness. Finally, it re-energized everyone's love for synthesizers, a subversive touch that quietly snaked it way back into our collective consciousness and exploded like Aphrodite out of the water with the emergence of MGMT and other like minded acts.

New Slang: The Shins - Nerds and frat boys come together to discuss the isolation brought on by teenage binge drinking...and totally miss the point of this song. The band goes on an aggressive multi-album initiative to alienate all their mainstream fans and re-embrace their core fans - repressed lesbians, child abuse victims and kids who got stuffed in lockers in high school...

Last Night: The Strokes - A couple of rich kids with a lot of hair decide that goofing on lo-fi punk recordings from the mid 70s would be better than getting real jobs. Most of Europe (and xTian) gets sucked in. The growing trend of old things suddenly being really hip and the irony intrinsic to hipsterism are brought to the forefront of our cultural consciousness in a way that only Dov Charney could have ever imagined. Of course in Dov's dreams there are more half naked teens...

Banquet: Bloc Party/Evil: Interpol - Once the Strokes exhaust the 70s lo-fi vibe everyone from London to Brooklyn agrees to release re-interpretations of every Depeche Mode albums from 1980-1986. This all came to a crashing halt with the Bravery and everyone just wished these guys would all get on a bus and fall off the back of a steam ship.

Seven Nation Army: The White Stripes - A guy and girl decide to flummox America by creating confusion around whether they are married or siblings - distracting everyone from the real question - what are these white kids doing in Detroit? xTian sits in the Berkeley Greek Theater and wonders how two people can produce such amazing music...I also think they took the drum and bass movement to its logical conclusion. I spent most of the late 90s hearing people ruin everything with some really "great" drum and bass. They actually did it well, and all these other jokers got embarrassed and became bankers or something. You know, so they could go ruin something else. Go f*ck yourselves drum & bass/banker douches...

Where Is The Love: Black Eyed Peas - BEP, a somewhat underground break dancing crew with occasional rap albums in late 90s, unleash their master plan for world domination - Step 1 - kidnap a recovering meth addict with lovely lady lumps Step 2. Force her to sing hooks on the most banal childish songs conceivable Step 3. Become the biggest "band" in the world even though no one plays an instrument and only two people seem to "sing". Step 4. Actively support their puppet in his bid to become leader of the free world. Step 5. Rule the world with an iron (though lyrically banal) fist...You think you're sooo smart will.i.am but I see your game. Go bend a spoon, you Matrix watching motherf*cker.

Hey Ya: Outkast/The Seed 2.0: The Roots featuring Cody Chestnutt - Before they became Jimmy Fallon's band The Legendary Roots Crew toured the country 3-4 times a year bringing the most amazing hip hop party/jam session to every town they visited - proselytizing the notion that there was actually music to hip hop and making it more palatable to a broader audience. Their efforts made the Jay Z Unplugged album possible/marvelous and pushed HOV to a new level of cross over appeal. It also laid the ground work for the neo soul movement and could be considered the proud uncle of what became backpack hip-hop movement. This where Outkast came and took the backpack pack hip hop movement out of the very specific Buppie element and broadened it by introducing a level of showmanship that had heretofore not been seen. Now, white kids can love a Talib Kweli record without having to assume the self loathing that is implicit in half of Eminem's songs...This has since been taken to its logical conclusion by Kanye West...

Brighter Discontent: The Submarines - You all know Submarine songs. You do. They license their music to every product you have ever imagined and are perfectly happy to promote their songs through any TV show that will have them. You've heard them on Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Nip/Tuck and potentially my forthcoming web series about two young boys trying to get girls to come to their poorly advertised rainbow party. Everyone uses TV shows and commercials to market their product, but The Submarines are the most pervasive. Apropos of nothing I will mention that the female lead, Blake Hazzard, is actually F. Scott Fitzgerald's granddaughter. She is also totally lovely. ET #1 and I went to their concert last year and watched her finish her set and get behind the booth and start hocking CDs and t-shirts the most upbeat disposition. All reasons to love her.

Since You Been Gone: Kelly Clarkson - Kelly Clarkson is totally different than most other pop singers. Despite being the first product off the American Idol assembly line she feels completely genuine. This is true for several reasons - her construction (on American Idol) was completely transparent most of America can draw a line from what we started to her SYBG roscker girl act and no attempt to tart her up has been even remotely successful. She is exactly who she is - a little fat, overly perky, decidedly unsexy, and unwilling to be a cypher (as proved by her song writing which at times has proven to be career limiting; proof point - most of us were completely unaware of her third album). I am shocked she is still famous. It's all kind of amazing...and her continued commercial viability is the standard that future basket job victims like Adam Lambert have to live up too...

Almost Crimes: Broken Social Scene - The idea of a rock super group is fairly old so rather than pursue that, Toronto's BSS evolved as a rather meticulously conceived and hastily implemented jumble of rock noise - a concept perfected later by Montreal's Arcade Fire. Disappointingly, this rumble of musical enclaves failed to exacerbate Anglo/Franco tensions to a fever pitch we are all demanding. In my head, I envision a snowy bar in middle 2006 and one scarf wearing Quebecer getting into a heated exchange/debate with some Toronto hipster that yielded no punches and several "ehs". 10 minutes in, the entire conflict would dissolve - they would then agree to disagree, toast with Molsens and agree that each band is popular thanks to their hard work and earnest presentation. Dull story, just like every other story that takes place in Canada. Still their influence is plain. The biggest benefactor from BSS was contributor Leslie Feist. She found great success in the later part of the decade and managed to include her old friends whenever she could.

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa: Vampire Weekend - I think there is something to the idea of incorporating world music elements (like soukous) into modern rock. Beirut did this with less success (and much less aplomb) earlier in the decade...I am excited for where this trend will end up

I will think about TV sometime next week and post those comments as well...