Redneck, not Yuppie

It was a big weekend in the KillerB's household. KillerB2 and I watched football, saw a movie, and conducted KillerB2's annual year end audit.

She has been doing this for several years, according to the spreadsheet she showed me, but this is the first year she has included me. Presumably a result of our marriage.

The spreadsheet is basically your standard balance sheet of assets and liabilities. As expected, I had a lot to contribute on the liability side - enough student loans to bankrupt a small nation. On the asset side I struggled. It turns out I don't really have assets aside from retirement accounts and the like. I don't own a car, I don't collect art, I drink whatever comes into the house, so there aren't any rare wines laying around - but under pressure to come up with something to fill those rows, the following 3 emerged as my most valuable tangible assets
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1) Pocket knife collection - rare Remington bullet series knives, and a few other odds and ends
2) Antique Winchester, over-under double barrel shotgun
3) 1.75 acres of surveyed but off-the-grid Florida swampland adjacent to Lake Okeechobee

The later I would not have included last year. Earlier this year, however, I received a letter from the Nature Conservancy offering to buy it from me. Turns out I'm fortunate enough to own land that 8 endangered species of birds call home. SCORE! Apparently my lot falls under their tier 1 priority. I learned this by Googleing my lot details, and found their planning document as a PDF. Negotiating 101: don't post your position online.

I didn't sell it though. I'm saving it to build my dream shanty on.

Knives + Guns + Swampland is basically the most perfect redneck formula ever. That's what I brought to the annual audit.