Manolo Has Hurt Feelings

Over the weekend, I called Xtian for our twice a year phone call…After making fun of Evil for about 10 minutes, we proceeded to talk about life. That conversation lasted about 2 minutes (which I think is a personal record for us). We promptly changed our conversation to the Hose which at this juncture WAS the only thing keeping our friendship together….

I said WAS because xTian and Evil staged are guilty of staging a coup d’état. I didn’t think they had it in them but I am to give credit where credit is due. It is almost genius the way they did it. First, Evil took the Hose as his own personal diary. He started posting every day with these lame posts about leaving [his old job], having sex with Mystery, and flying to India to become the next Siddhartha…

That was around the last time I read the Hose because besides being unbelievably boring, xTian and Evil got their cronies in Wall Street to crash the real estate market. I have been working non-stop to salvage what’s left of my real estate empire…Do you know how time consuming and exhausting it is to kick people out of their homes? You have to involve lawyers, get an eviction notice, and then get the sheriff to throw all those bums out…You give them plenty of time (5 minutes) to gather their papers and most important belongings and they still complain. They also have no control of their kids. You think they will find one minute in those five to tell their kids to stop crying. And another thing, those kids are freaking retards…they always leave their favorite blanket or toy behind. Hey kid, you ever stopped to think that maybe if you didn’t spend your five minutes crying, you could have gotten your Tickle Me Elmo…

Then, xTian and Evil go and draft some elementary school superstar thinking he is the next Kobe Bryant or LeBron James. They don’t tell poor DullerBiatch that he will be playing with the big boys and that his WeeWee skills won’t get him anywhere. Next step involves hosting an election about my future without telling me. I didn’t know there was a vote taking place until Monday with an hour left before polls closed. You know how little time that is to make an informed decision and vote. Luckily, I was able to access six computers and make my voice heard…otherwise I would have lost by a bigger margin. All I wanted was a chance…You don’t think I would have been wooing Hose readers like super delegates at the Democratic Convention, or working on a way to get access to more computers…

Don’t you know how hard I fought for the Hose? I made this place what it is. I can count on three fingers the people I have brought in…What about the times the Hose was left for dead and I went ahead and made a fool of myself for your amusement. I wanted the chance to partake in something greater than myself and you have crushed my dream…Now I will crush you…