Opening Monologue

Evil


Ellen DeGeneres is doing the opening monologue. She's wearing a red velvet suit. She keep stumbling on her words, but that's her shtick. Yeah, being a poor speaker is my shtick too. It's on purpose.

I gotta hand it to Ellen though. She's held up much better than Melissa Ethridge. They cut to a brief shot of her earlier. Melissa Ethridge looks like she's been tortured the past 5 years. Tortured by having Cheetos stuffed down her throat.