Evil, Your Social Coordinator

Evil

Hello, this is Evil, your social coordinator. Here's a cool thing to do tonight... an old friend, Iris, will be launching her magazine at a gallery downtown. All are invited. If you don't already know Iris, go hear her read and say hi.

warm hands and x-ray specs

Evil

I don't know about anyone else, but I sure think a shuttle driver for a car dealership is really the most qualified person to give a breast exam. I really don't blame the women who got fooled by him, one look at how thick those glasses are and they probably thought he could see inside them.

PS - Why didn't *I* get into Harvard?

Nicknames

Evil

I love nicknames. When I become King, my first decree will be that all in my kingdom shall have nicknames. Nicknames are just more fun. They're more secure too. For example, when I refer to "Manolo," the government doesn't have to know that I'm actually talking about Carlos Olivares, but you all know. That's the beauty of it. Nicknames are also practical and help to avoid confusion. For example, my friend The AY and I both have good friends named Chris. But we never say, "Chris." It's either "Big Head" or "The Seducer of Young Asian Girls," but never "Chris." See? Avoids confusion!

Recently, I've found myself giving nicknames to random people I encounter. You know, like the guy who stood next to me on the subway ride home today ("Fatty McFrenchFries") or the guy in the orange shirt who ran in front of me in the park ("Mr. Security Cone Man"). I don't know what this means or why it suddenly started to happen. I'll keep you all posted.

Running, running

Evil

Inspired by Evil Twin #2's recent ass kicking of the Boston Marathon ("Oh, we've passed Heartbreak Hill? I didn't even notice."), I went for a short run in the park after work today. Just did the inner 4, but it felt nice to stretch the legs a bit.

On an unrelated note, I still have about 10 Vicodin pills left. Can't wait for this weekend! Hahaha.

Pleasant Surprise

Evil

I was reviewing my company's health insurance plan today and I found something very, very interesting. Under the current plan, Tommy John Surgery is covered at 95%! Not only that, but the coolest thing is that they'll cover the procedure as a preventative measure. Now that's cool. I think I'm going to do it.

Scenes from a Bar

There was a convergence of sorts this past saturday evening. Kentak3 and Evil Twin 2 threw a joint birthday party in NYC. Several members of the Hose community were in attendance...xTian, Evil, Mr. Shoulder, Evil Twins #1 and #2, Bruno, Les Troisièm, The Mamacita, Ball s and his wife and sister in law (who dont have a a mildly applicable, semi-derogatroy nickname unlike the other members...should I work on that?)

I introduced Les Troisièm to Balls with the following:
"[balls] Meet another proper NEer. This is my roommate [Les Troisièm]"
"oh hi"
"we've been dating for 6 months"
"oh..."
45...46...47...48...
"just kidding'
"hahahaha

I made it a point to shove as many shots down the birthday girls as humanly possible. The BF was amused, The Mamacita was not...Bruno was probably licking himself indifferenetly in Brooklyn.

ET2 did not make a good showing of it and at one point after an extended trip to the rest room walked out and collapsed on me...i did the right thing and slid her back to wards the BF...who did the rightt thing too...he held her hair...

KentTak3 made it thru in better form, but at one point was like "where's my [mamacita]...where's my [mamacita]" and she was like standing behind him...

The next day...I called KenTak to see if he was ok...The Mamacita grabbed the phone and asked the following

"are you comfortable?"
"I'm sorry?"
"is my dog house comfortable for you?"

Witty...

Alone in the Dark with Someone Next to Me

This woman I know rang me yesterday and invited me to a charity wine tasting. The intuitive answer to such an invitation is always "yes". However, occasionally, its with pause. It was Monday after all, and I had to go read with little children early on Tuesday morning.

When she followed up her invite with "Come on, its in our neighborhood" well, let's just say I was in.

I always dig this girl when I see her. Yes, she's batsh*t but you gotta lover her cameron diaz like looks and rock hard "oh, no way you're white" butt. Still I always seem to come across her at very low times in her life. Semi-depressed on a subway platform...that sort of thing. So I keep a distance.

En route to the restaurant (near the scene in the west chelsea club district) we walked passed a few flower gardens that had been recently planted in front of some public housing. We agreed that these few months are the only ones worth bothering with in NY. As we passed an errant vegstable garden, I suggested we scale the Ford Bronco parked up against the fence, jump down and steal some vegstables. She was game...as I said, she's batsh*t but she rocks....

Prior to last night, I have only spent time with her in her apartment. Never in a social setting. I always imagined her to be a ridiculous flirt in public and my insecure inner xTian not being able to deal with the glancing shots at my manhood. All a fabrication of course, I mean who cares. I'm not dating her.

Instead, it was fun...several random comments came out over the course of the evening

"I want to make babies" (said matter of factly not a request for performance)
"you're too cool for school, with your jeans, blazer, faux nerd glasses, height and dark hair"
(sighing)"i've never dated a guy who could afford to buy me dinner"
"i'm a cheap date, I get drunk easy" (guzzling wine)

Somehow, I found this all very charming, even though they were delivered as as a series of non-sequeters used to possibly avoid my very real questions like "hey, how do you pay your rent?"

Later, we found ourselves in the east village with her using my legs for a pillow in an outdoor garden. As we sat there staring at the lack of stars. I wondered what (if anything) I was getting myself into...I would have asked her, but I think she was still trying to decide for herself...

It's been 20 years since 1986!

This is awesome!

Manolo Decides To Try Online Dating

A reason I don't share as many stories as I want with our loyal Hose readers is the lack of personal time in the office to sit down and write. Who do these corporate fools think they are making me work like that?

Anyways, given the fact that my work life seems to be taking a larger and larger part of my day, my personal life has taken a hit. I spend more hours in the office and less time in the real world. This means that I don't interact socially as much as I want to which translates to me meeting less people therefore reducing the probability of me having intercourse with a real life woman from 0.005% to actually 0%.

Therefore, I have decided to either get involve or update my profile with all the different online social networks. I will also plop down some money to join Yahoo Personals or Match.com and hopefully get some a$$ that way...

This is where all of you come in...its audience participation time. I am going to need your help writing my bio/profile, one that will aptly describe me as a person and be "sweet/sincere/honest/funny" enough to allow me to take off their panties with as less work as possible...

Thank you for your participation.

P.S.- Your just reward will be day-after anecdotes, for better or for worse.

HONEST SUBMISSIONS PLEASE!!!

I missed this show

Christopher: "Allegra?" Ain't that a cold medicine?
Paulie: It means "happiness" in Italian.
Christopher: (pauses) What the fuck's that got to do with cold medicine?

Separated At Birth?

Shout Out 2

Evil

Yesterday, my shakey little friend Bruno turned 2 years old. Happy Birthday! Hope you didn't drink too much, kiddo.

Shout Out

Evil



I've been running a stats tracker on The Hose for the last 5 days and I think I'm addicted to checking stats. Anyway, I just wanted to give a shout out to Evil Twins for being the number 1 referrer of traffic to The Hose (if you don't count people who type in our URL directly and the traffic that comes from random Google searches). Thanks, ET#1 and ET#2.

This is also where I discard all dignity and begs for some links. The Hose only has PageRank of 3. :( Some love, people... some love?

Hips Don't Lie

I have been driving thru central jersey the last few days for work. I like these hour long drives because I get to listen to crappy radio stations. At home, one can't rationalize listening to crappy radio any more. It just doesn't happen. So radio stations have customized themselves to deal with commuters who are in the car a litle under 30 minutes at a pop and need their. It's why radio stations like z100 have 4 songs on their play list.

But I don't spend any time listening to that, I'm not schizo enough to process listening to Kelly Clarkson, 3-6 Mafia and Shakira in a row. It's just too much...even though I love "poppin my collar" while driving.

What I do love is listening to two completely different radio stations

Jack FM

While listening to Jack (a bunch of Journey, Billy Joel, Meatloaf, and like Mettalica back to back to). I get happy. I don't know why "Don't stop believin" makes me happy but it does. It makes me want to not stop believing. I roll up the windows (so no one can hear) and sing "Paradise by a dashboard light" (male and female parts in the same falsetto) (WOOOOOOOO!)

After watching the first couple of episodes of the Sopranos (especially where he was in the coma and Carmela was playing CDs for him) I feel like Jack FM was designed for anybody who ever rode around in a car thru NJ in 1982. Anybody who does not know the words to "Rosalita" just might not get it.

102.7 Classic Dance Mix

I imagine that whatever is going on at the RawHide Saloon (17th and 8th), its being done with this station playing over the loud speaker. I'm a total queer for music by le Chiq and other late seventies Disco. Barry White was almost ruined for me by that stupid show with the skinny soundtrack but almost is not actually. So yesterday I was threw my voice in a baritone (which sounds remarkably close to my falsetto) and sang along to that too..

Damn i love driving!

Btw, I can't get "Hips Don't Lie" out of head. Also I want to bang Shakira (still).
Checkout this video. Not the fans only version the other one

Insensitive

KenTak3, are you going to take this??!!

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Roger Clemens was discussing his future Tuesday at the Astros season opener when he responded to a question about his health after the World Baseball Classic with a comment that some might consider racially insensitive.

Clemens, who broke down late last season with injuries, said he felt fine after the WBC and left the tournament impressed by the quality of the international teams.

But he made a questionable comment when speaking about the devotion of the Japanese and South Korean fans.

"None of the dry cleaners were open, they were all at the game, Japan and Korea," Clemens said. "So we couldn't get any dry cleaning done out there, but I guess the neatest thing is that 50,000 of them were at Anaheim Stadium."
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BOOZE

A friend of mine is doing something rather impressive. Most dullards start some sort of new media play around social networks or suping search *yawn* Its all very obvious I think.

My boy, David, though has decided to start a liquor company!

www.curiousformore.com

There is a launch party coming up...more info to follow!

Grown Men Will Hug!

On the southeast corner of 27th and 7th, facing north, there is a billboard on top of a building saying "Grown Men Will Hug" and encouraging people to buy tickets to to a NY Mets game.

Is anyone else wondering what about the NY Mets will make grown men hug? Is it the disappointment we will deal with when they eventually disappoint?