The Hose

Evil

My new apartment is randomly smelly. I can't figure it out. Like, in the bedroom, the corner where the dresser is smells like very ripe papaya. It actually smells sort of nice for a second, but you can tell the papaya is 5 minutes away from rottenness. Except that there's no papaya. Where's that smell coming from?!

My kitchen in general smells like feet. Not my feet. But it's a generic feet smell. I bet no one's feet actually smells like that. But if someone engineered a Scratch-N-Sniff sticker of feet, it would smell like my kitchen. Not very appetizing, I know. I didn't invite you over for dinner though, so leave me alone.

The area near the stove smells like smoke and ash. Oh wait, that makes sense.

When I lie on my bed, the scent of dryer sheets lingers on the half of the bed that's empty. I think there's a laundry room right outside my window. It must be in the next building. There's no laundry room in this building. There's no drop off laundromat in a 5 block radius. I really have no idea what the laundry situation is. I've started wearing suits to work. That's the only thing that's still clean. At some point, I might start wearing suits to bed. At least my bed smells laundry fresh.