Social Acceptibility Question

Evil

When you're getting a massage, and you happen to get an erection, is that OK? I always wonder what the massage therapist think of this. Does she mind? Or does she, as a professional, just brush it off as just another professional hazard. Sort of like, if you're a construction worker, you figure you might get hit on the head with a falling brick once in a while. Or if you're a line chef, you figure you're going to burn and/or cut yourself from time to time.

Lilke Gum and Nuts

I like the Kings of Leon. Or I did a few years ago. Youth and Young Manhood was my album of choice for about a year.

I also really like Ann Curry. I might go so far as to say I have crush on her, as much as I can have a crush on anyone born in 1956.

But sometimes two great tastes don't taste great together, as I discovered when I saw the video you'll find after the jump. They are pretending to enjoy playing at the ass-crack of dawn for a bunch of New Jersey mothers and midwestern tourists, and she's pretending to know who the hell they are.

Awkward.
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Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Things I Didn't Know About Glenn Beck...

... but found out while surfing Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glenn_Beck

* Glenn Beck is a Mormon!

* His mom and one of his brothers committed suicide. Another sibling had a fatal heart attack.

* He attended the same university as KillerB.

Joe Biden Sucks

Evil

Not that I ever liked Joe Biden much, but I like him less now that I know he went to a Beer Summit and chose an non-alcoholic brew. Not that being a non-drinker is bad. But if you're a non-drinker, don't go to a freakin' Beer Summit, OK?

Drinking a non-alcoholic brew at a Beer Summit is like watching online porn in low resolution.

Drinking a non-alcoholic brew at a Beer Summit is like being a teenager and dry humping.

Drinking a non-alcoholic brew at a Beer Summit is like ordering the chicken dish at a steakhouse.

Drinking a non-alcoholic brew at a Beer Summit is like buying a new computer but not getting Internet.

Drinking a non-alcoholic brew at a Beer Summit is like having a hooker, a basket, and a piece of rope all in the same room and not getting a basket job.

Beer Summits I Would Like To See

Following our President's lead, I would like to propose the following Beer Summits:

* KillerB and Glenn Beck

* Catjjy and John Mayer

* Xtian and any Latina chick he has ever gone on a date with

* Mamacita and Xtian

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy... Err... Car

Evil

Down in the dumps.

Bad Hosts

Evil

Why didn't these two jagoffs (Obama and Biden) or any of their staffers make the effort to tell their guests that jackets weren't required? How inconsiderate.

BTW- Some news outlets reports that Prof Gates drank a Sam Adams while others reported that he drank a Red Stripe. Which is it? The American public needs to know!

It was universally reported that Joe Biden drank a non-alcoholic brew. What a p*ssy!

For completeness: the Pres drank a Bud Light and the Sgt drank a Blue Moon.

Shorts: Swimming World Championships

Sparks and I have been having a few discussions at home about the new development in world class swimming: polyurethane suits. I'll let the expert discuss the relative merits of the suits, but one of the major problems is a major wardrobe malfunction.

NSFW!

Outdated Movie News: Green Lantern

I read a couple of weeks ago that there was a rather fraught casting process over which actor should get the franchise role of the Green Lantern. Like all big budget hero movies, this one has a lot riding on it. Will it be like Spiderman, a quality film with great direction and fun effects (for the day, of course)? Will it be like Ironman, with an actor so perfect for the role that he singlehandedly revived the middle aged superhero? Or, will it be like Superman, with a lead actor so handsome, so bland, that he bored everyone out of the theatre? No little boy or girl has Green Lantern on the top of his/her list as favorite superhero, but really, the cupboard is getting kind of bare. I am wondering how this movie is going to be compelling with a piece of jewelry as the critical plot device.

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So anyway, I'm not totally on board with the movie. Then the casting story came out that they were deciding between three people to be Hal Jordan (note: the Green Lantern is whoever wears the ring. Hal Jordan was one of the characters that eventually became the Green Lantern, but lots of people, including girls, have been the Green Lantern). This is sort of funny because the producers can easily recast the hero if the lead actor asks for too much money in the sequels. But anyway, back to the casting. Here were the finalists: Bradley Cooper, Justin Timberlake and Ryan Reynolds. Are you kidding me? Snooze, Snooze, Snooze.

I have only seen Bradley Cooper in "He's Just Not That Into You". He sort of looks like the Cheshire Cat. Justin Timberlake still looks sort of pre-pubescent to me. Ryan Reynolds is the best option, I guess, but even then, this guy doesn't have a lot of charisma working for him. Are we really at a point where "handsome 25-30 year old actor" gets us these guys? How depressing. I say, toss the whole casting, and chase Angelina Jolie for the Green Lantern. She can really wear jewelry AND is a bona fide star.

(Un) Funny People

There is probably a lot of enthusiasm out there for this movie. I mean its called "Funny People", it stars genuinely funny people like Adam Sandler, my hetero soul mate Seth Rogan and the Coppola from Rushmore! It's written, directed and produced by Judd Apatow who has written or produced every funny movie the history of mankind ever! All the makings of comedy gold - still I have my doubts.
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Some of Judd's movies have a habit of intermittently not being funny. Here's an example from Knocked Up. Paul Rudd's character is part of a fantasy baseball league. His wife, the totally lovely Leslie Mann, catches him in a lie about it while trailing him to see if he is cheating on her. She is crushed. They proceed to have one of the more gut wrenching arguments I have ever seen. In the end she feels totally betrayed. How could her husband take so small a lie and whip it up to a minor conspiracy? I remember sitting there perfectly still and uncomfortable for a long while. Eventually let off the awkward hook by a really well placed pink eye joke. The more I hear about Funny People, the more I am concerned that this movie will reverse the 80/20 rule of fart jokes/soul aches.

I don't know if you know this but its about Adam Sandler have some serious disease and realizing he's going to die. Hey! That's not funny

Not only that, but much like how I plan to react to eventual terminal disease, he becomes obsessed with what a mega douche he's been in his life and becomes fixated with fixing all his broken relations. I'm not going to lie, I am starting to feel really uncomfortable....

He's so alone in the world that he hires Seth Rogan to hang out while he waits to die. Wait a minute, if we make Seth a stripper with big fake boobs then....

ummm

Am I in a Dickens novel or something?

Breaking News!!!

As of 8:20 PM EST, the Cubs are back in first place. Go Cubbies!!!!!

Some Quickies Before Heading To Class

Evil

* Sparks suggested I take (and post) a pic of my relatively hot and athletic teacher. I'd like to do this, but how do I go about executing it? I can't try to sneak a photo, can I? She'll definitely catch me and that'll be creepy. Any suggestions?

* My relatively hot and athletic teacher has a whole bunch of biases. He was a history major in college, so she seems to know a lot about history. Although I'm not sure what being a "history" major in China entails. Do they learn real history or do they learn what the g0vt wants them to learn? Anyway, she totally has a bias against the Japanese. Crazy. The Japanese are so lovable. She also has a bias against the big-city Shanghai'ers (she's grew up in a small town) because she says they're so superficial.

KillerB = Losing It

I'm at my desk right now. I'm having a productive day. Just a few minutes ago I was putting a file folder together to take to the doctor's office so I'll have something to work on. I labeled the folder. I put some files in it. Then........I walked to the printer, and then the kitchen, and then back to my desk. And now I can't find it. I'm the only person in the office. I've now spent 20 minutes walking back and forth between my desk, the printer, and the kitchen - a distance of 40 feet. Can't find it. Now I'm looking in places where I know I didn't put it - the bathroom, other people's desks. This is crazy. I could have reprinted this stuff in 5 minutes - but now I just have to know. WHERE ARE YOU STUPID FILE FOLDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday morning quickies from the left coast

Good morning, everyone.
1. Saw a clip of William Shatner doing a poetic reading of Sarah Palin's verbatim farewell speech. He was, of course, more coherent than she was, but the clip was also linked to his "classic" reading of Rocket Man. Perhaps you have seen Stewie from Family Guy doing the same reading. This leads me to one of the contentious points of my relationship with Sparks: I CANNOT STAND THE FAMILY GUY. He loves it. I don't know why they can string together non sequiturs for an entire 22 minutes, and those nonsequiturs are frankly just STOLEN ideas from other sources. It kills me. I can't even be in the same room if he's watching an episode. He has the same problem with my proclivity towards bad reality television. Anyone catch More to Love last night?
More...2. I am a big fan of our local public library. Everyone likes the library, of course. A civic institution dedicated only to the betterment of each citizen's mind. It's been a long time since I've frequented a library. When Sparks and I were in graduate school, I used the university libraries a lot. But for my own reading pleasure, I must say that I have bought every single book I've read for the last 5 years or so. All this has changed since we have had the Cha. Did you know that a child's picture book is on average $16? And they have less than 30 pages each? And children consume books like cheerios? This was turning out to be a very expensive habit. So off to the library we trooped and I must say it's been lots of fun to randomly pick books off the shelf (lots of them are turkeys) but also to rediscover the books I used to like, or at least remember, from my youth. Do you have favorites? Harold the Purple Crayon, Little Bear, etc....I'm looking forward to the day when we can read Encyclopedia Brown together.

3. One of the family cars died last night. Battery dead because the Cha turned on one of the interior lights while he was playing in the car. Sparks likes to let the Cha drive the car into the garage from the end of the driveway. Do you find this an inappropriate action? Sparks grew up in a place where 8 year olds could drive to 7-11, but I am thinking maybe it's not so healthy for the Cha to think he can drive. As well, we realized we didn't have jumper cables. I then realized that I would not know how to jump a car if I had to. This qualifies as something everyone should know when they leave home. In the end, we borrowed one from the neighbors and all turned out fine.

4. An ongoing list of things one should know when they leave home: how to grill food. how to change a tire. how to jump a car. how to handle household finances. how to cook 3 meals. your suggestions welcome.

Oh Well...

Most good things don't last long... the poor Cubbies no longer in first place. :(

Who Do We Have to Blame for Our Trashy Banner Ads?

Has anyone else been getting a lot of "Evony" down the right side? Why is this temptress calling me "my lord"?

Who has an anti-virus software strong enough to consider signing up for this? Please report back.

Not A Jinx

Dont look now, but the CUBBIES ARE IN FIRST PLACE!!!

Baseball Question

There seem to be a couple of Hosers on here who think they know everything about baseball. Last night, I was watching baseball, and I saw something that I've seen many times before, which has never made sense to me. I could, of course, just look it up on the internet and find an answer. But I'm a blogger. We do things differently.

So, smartypantses, when a pitcher gets 1 out in an inning and is pulled, why does he only get credit for .2 innings in the stats?

I'm going to go ahead and throw the tag Sparks = Wrong on here because I'm pretty sure he doesn't know.

Death Pool, Anyone?

This was mentioned in a recent Hosecast, so I'll throw it out there... anyone interested in doing the Death Pool? We has such great success with the American Idol pool that I figure another pool would be good.

For those who dont know what a Death Pool is, here's the basic gist:

- each contestant picks a list of famous people they think will die in the next year.

- points are awarded upon each celebrity death. more points are awarded the younger the person is.

- person with most points at the end of the year wins.

Or for more detailed rules, I found a good reference here:

http://deathpoolers.com/rules_2007.html

I especially like the bonus points mentioned on that page: First Blood (First confirmed kill: +10 points), Solo Shot (Any kill that is unique to the group: +15 points), Last Gasp (Last confirmed kill of the game: +10 points).

Maybe there could even be a prize for the winner. Something like... win an oil massage performed by killerb.

How Genius Is the iTunes Genius Playlist?

Most, if not all, if you Hosers are more musically inclined than me, so I could use some input on a topic...

How Genius is the iTunes Genius feature anyway. I've used it many times now and in almost all cases, it disappoints me. According to Apple's marketing copy: "Genius creates a playlist of songs that go great together."

So I've always imagined that the Genius feature would be able to put together a playlist that I couldn't do myself. Like, it could figure out that a particular song goes well after a certain other song. Maybe it has some sort or heuristic about whether an uptempo song should go here, and then a slower song could go there. And maybe it can even an analysis of which keys each song is in and arrange them in some sensible order. I imagine all this because of the "songs that go great together" part of the marketing copy.

But I am invariably disappointed by Genius because all it really seems to do is pick out songs that are similar to each other. It seems very much like the collaborative filtering feature in the iTunes Store or on Amazon ("People who bought this song also bought these other songs..."). If that's all Genius is, then it's a big disappointment.

Or am I missing something. Anyone out there having great success using Genius?