D-Bag of the Month

Bleeding all over the place

Seaver pitches to Piazza during the closing ceremony for Shea Staduim

I have this ongoing conversation with a coworker, a Phillies fan, about baseball. It's an infinite number of paper cuts.

We never got into each other's face about one team's success or the other's failure over a weekend or on a night. A three game sweep is relatively meaningless at any point in time in a baseball season. Any given loss feels horrible. However, the next day, you realize the impact was minor. There is always that night, where you have the chance to win and it will feel great. Of course, the next morning even that exuberance won't matter.

There are so many games, the notion of momentum or whatever gets washed out with a regression to the mean. Baseball ends up exactly where it is meant. The best teams rise to the top, bad teams on the bottom and a team's critical flaw will always be exposed. You get lucky...once...twice...ten times even...but never 162 times.

Anyway, the Mets had a great offense, solid defense, strong starting pitching and in the end, a good manager. They had a crappy bullpen...a theory that was tested night after night and verified several times a week.

That's that I guess...

See ya in Hell, Shea!

I'll be there bright eyed and bushy tailed for Citi Field in the Spring

Greetings from Portugal!

Thank you so much to everyone who has posted pictures of KenTak3 and Bruno Bear's recent nuptuals. Good job on capturing those touching moments! Luckily, I am getting the benefit of the vacation since the little guy doesn't travel so well.

KenTak3 and I are tearing up Portugal. So far, we have been traveling back and forth from the bar to the pool.

Yesterday, we thought we would take a little break and play some golf, only to find that you need a handicap of less than 28. If you can't prove this, you have to take a lesson and be evaluated on whether you are worthy to play on the course.

Booooo! Back to the bar, it is.

There are things here that remind us of the Hose constantly. We are trying to interact with the locals as much as possible to absorb some culture. Today, while sighseeing we came across some little boys. They seem pretty happy even though they were wearing plastic.

Stay tuned for more adventures.

What Do I Do?

Evil

XTIAN is in San Francisco this week... I have good reason to believe that XTIAN is Drapering the Snaggletooth Girl while he is out there. What do I do? What DO I DO???

Snubbed Again!

Evil

How did I NOT make this list of 20 People You Should Follow On FriendFeed? Alright people, if you are on FriendFeed, don't be shy. Feel free to follow me.

Wordle of the Week - Paulson's Proposal to Congress

Evil And Xtian Go To A Wedding

Evil


Xtian and I have innovated a great new wedding strategy: the half-date. The basis of the strategy is this: instead of bringing a full “+1” as a date, two guys share a date. This way, at any point in the evening a guy can look like he’s there with a woman (because it’s always easier to get a woman when you already have a woman – the jealously ploy works great because women tend to be shallow and jealous beings by nature), but since the woman is not a real date, she can be ditched at any time if a realistic hook-up potential arises. In the full +1 date scenario, even if you bring a friend, it would be rude to ditch that person entirely in favor of some random play, but in the half-date scenario, you still have another guy to keep the half-date company. Brilliant!

This weekend, we went to the wedding of KenTak3 and the Mamacita, with the AY as our half-date. The AY makes a great half-date because she fulfils the pre-requisite of being attractive and also, she doesn’t mind sitting with Xtian and me while we make random comments about “Drapering” so-and-so. (“Drapering” = F1ngerb*ng1ing for those of you scoring at home.)

The wedding itself was beautiful, classy, and a lot of great fun. I’ll leave it to Mamacita (or Bruno) to recap the wedding if they wish. I could never do it justice.

Many Hosers at the wedding, which added to the fun. The Killer B’s sat at our table. I (unintentionally) broke the news to Killer B #2 that Killer B #1 had invited me along on their trip to Ecuador in the spring of 2009. I saw a flash of rage in Killer B #2’s eyes as she heard this. I thought she was going to kill either me or her fiancé and then go back to being the lovable, sweet person that she is.

The Evil Twins were out in full force.

Evil Twin #1 arrived in a long dress and heels. I’ve never seen Evil Twin #1 dressed like a girl before and I must say, she looked very good. At one point, I sniffed Evil Twin #1 and she even smelled like she had showered within the past 24 hours. Amazing!

Evil Twin #2 arrived with her date, BF of Evil Twin #2. While BFofET#2 was off being distracted by the AY, I took the opportunity to put my arm around ET#2 and comment on how smooth her skin was. I remarked, “Your skin is so soft, just like STG's.” ET#2 smiled and graciously accepted the compliment. “Thanks! I moisturize!” she said. However, ET#1 for some reason reacted angrily, snarling at me as she said, “I hope you die. I hope die sad and lonely. Masturbating.”

ET#2 asked how her skin compares to R’s and I said that R’s skin is a little rough and she could use some electrolysis. ET#1 jumped in at this point, with nostrils flared and she yelled in my direction, “I hope you die! Lonely and masturbating!” What is ET#1’s fascination with death and masturbation? I didn’t realize she was so kinky.

R is great though. She was texting me little messages all weekend. I have SuperPoke on mobile, so I got her SuperPokes as well. During the wedding dinner, R SuperPoked me with the “flaming bag of poop.” But she followed it up with the “blown a kiss at you!” SuperPoke. (More on R in a future post.)

Even Mr. Shoulders was at the wedding! I was sad that Mr. Shoulders’ woman couldn’t make it to the wedding because I was really looking forward to meeting her. I mean, an actual female (who is human) who doesn’t mind being around Mr. Shoulders? This is a person I need to meet!

And who can forget Le Trois? Le Trois was being Le Trois at this wedding. Nevermind that his company was in the midst of a financial meltdown… that didn’t prevent Le Trois from double fisting and pounding down drinks til his obligatory grey-out.

Since I must respect the venerable old rule that “Whatever Happens in Newport, Stays in Newport,” I should be careful not to reveal too much. But I think it’s within bounds to leave you with one final photo… of Xtian humping a dead bear. For the sake of privacy and to spare the bear from unnecessary embarrassment, I’ve obscured his identity.

Blogging by proxy

Bruno just called me and he is NOT happy. He was too much in a rage to type with his clumsy little paws so instead he barked some instructions to me and asked me to post for all of you hosers to read.

Poor little guy is in newport but NOT at the wedding. So close! Yet so far away! Bruno is staying with kentak's family. All holed up! Bruno demands at least a web cam so he can follow along. Do we have an IT guy in the house?!

Anyone with real time blogging capabilities please blog for brunos sake. The little guy is bouncing off the walls with excitement. As we all are!

Big wedding weekend!

This is a big weekend and I'm pumped. We're here in newport for the wedding of kentak3 and the mamacita, with bruno as the best man. Or should I say best dog?

I drove up from new york with xtian and the AY. xtian is a terrible driver, so public service announcement: don't get in a car with him if you can help it. I might give him some driving lessons personally.

I'm chillin' at the hampton inn right now. Can't wait for ET #2 and the killer b's to show up. This hotel is gonna rock.

Xtian and le trois are staying at another hotel. They're away from people just in case they find a hookup at this wedding. Talk about wishful thinking! Come on!

A Study in Contrasts

Snoop's 1993 "DoggyStyle" Album complete lyrics - which is a form of "Date or Die" storytelling. As you see, Snoop and Xtian have very different approaches to dating, and how they share those experiences.

Date or Die History - 18 Posts Over 14 Months in 1 Picture

The most thoughtful media coverage of the great collapse of 2008

ICYMI - CNN - 2 Guys making-out in front of Lehman Bros. during Live Broadcast @ Yahoo! Video

I like to watch - Fringe

Come for the Pacey, stay for a show that looks to be the illegitimate lovechild of Alias and Lost.

JJ Abrams returns to baffle us with yet another mystery that he won't reveal very quickly. Yes there is a conspiracy afoot, but unlike Lost it won't take us 4 seasons to realize its there. Oddly enough the only people who can solve it are a super smart Joshua Jackson and his father, a schizophrenic genius who experimented on everything in the lat 70s. They are supported by Lance Reddick (The Wire, Lost) and a very untalented but pretty actress who I have never seen before. I can't reveal too much about the show itself. I will just say the two hour premiere was worth a watch.

In a recent article, JJ admitted that he has learned a lot about storytelling from working on Lost and is making a concerted effort to make this show more episodic, with a serial backdrop. That sound very X-Files to me. I approve so far.

Also, I am glad to see alums of the Wire doing so well. First, Tristan Wilds shows up as the new (black) Brandon Walsh on 90210 and now Reddick showing up here. Good to see these actors getting their due after toiling in obscurity for so long.


Fringe airs Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

I like to listen

This was outside Lehman today

Date or Die: xTian vs. Jesus

It's finally happened. My interests and those of my lord are savior Jesus Christ are no longer aligned. Two ships in the night. Peace brother, I love you.

I am too good at what I do. Standing on the street at a little before 1am in a warm sweat, I thought to myself
"This sort of thing just does not happen to me"

It really doesn't. I don't get this far and don't get to close the deal. I am really good at what I do. This doesn't happen to me...unless of course I am getting c*ckbl*ck*ed by a higher power. Thus the start of my feud with the Lord.

I am cranking on all cylinders with this girl. In fact, a few hours earlier, in the middle of our second date, she accused me of being disingenuous, because I seemed to say everything she wanted to hear just when she wanted to hear. It was so perfect. She did not believe. My reaction, outright laughter, was my first misstep in two dates. But even a misstep, so well timed, that it came exactly when she needed, even this she found fishy. I hate being challenged. However, I grinned and bore it. I did not lose my cool. There are far worse crimes than saying the right thing.

When I kissed her on the street she was into it, and slightly lost herself. Only regaining composure when the hem of her skirt found its way north of her bottom. We were standing in the street, desolate as it was.

I went back in, the gentle chastising leaving me unsure what to do with my hands. She laughed at this. The humor was not lost on me. Smiling, I hailed a taxi.

Outside her apartment we were still acting school aged. Heading towards the elevator I nearly knocked over a woman exiting with her bicycle.

At her door, she thanked me for a lovely evening. I laughed again as I drifted in.

She got more assertive but in an affectionate way. Since I had met her she made it clear that she was a good girl. Laughing, I moved towards the door. She held firm.

As I left I invited her out the following evening. She reminded me of some commitment and I realized her faith was something she took seriously.

xTian vs. Jesus, it was bound to happen.

Leak

Evil

Word has it that XTIAN is on a big date tonight. In fact, he's probably too big to be written about in a Date or Die column. An "Impregnate or Die" column is more like it. Will XTIAN real-time blog this one???

Recognize Me?

Evil

Mystery photo of the day... can anyone identify who this is? Put your guesses in the comments section.

Great Date?

If things continue going well for Xtian and 6-hour date girl, this might seal the deal - nothing signals "man" like bull riding.

Triumph at the RNC

The Lynn Swann bit was awesome