My Empire of Dirt

I don't know of you will laugh or cry or cringe...all reactions are appropriate.

I'm Home

Evil

I'm back now! Thanks to everyone who sent flowers and other gifts and various "I Miss You, Eviltom!" cards to my apartment. My doorman said he could barely keep up with all the deliveries coming in. You are all too much!

I just realized that I have 3 full weeks worth of DVR'd shows to catch up on. Better get hoppin'! If you don't hear from me for about 3 weeks, you know why.

Manolo Goes On Vacation Too

I just wanted to make everyone jealous and let you know that I am going on vacation to the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico for the next 10 days. I will be returning to Miami on April 2...

If anything interesting happens, I find it highly doubtful that I will post about it. I am not one of those losers that are on a trip to Southeast Asia and spend half the day trying to find some sort of Internet cafe so they can post about running to an old friend in some "nice little town with a lot of charm and [Spanish] colonial architecture still largely intact."

Anyway, I do need a volunteer to attend the baseball draft in my place and pick some good players for the Fantasy Baseball league...

I will miss you all...not really!

Manolo And The End Of Female Landscaping

I hope this will serve as some sort of informal poll and does not offend anyone...

I have always just assumed that after Sex and the City and as Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears have led me to believe, every woman out there has been maintaining their private parts free and clear. If there is anything left, it is something small like a lighting bolt or an arrow or a runway…

Anyway, when did women stop following the aforementioned ritual? It seems that anyone in the past weeks that has been letting me get close enough to inspect has let that general area run wild…

Am I wrong? Has it always run amok? Was it the company I was keeping and their hidden addiction to Brazilian waxes?

I don’t know…it just seems to add another layer to the proceedings...

MORE GUS JOHNSON!

COLLEGE BASKETBALL!!! CBS Sports!!! THIS...is March MADNESS!!!

This guy could make the hot dog eating contest engrossing!

Flu-Like Symptoms

Evil

I'm in Laos + bird flu is in Laos + I like to roll around in bird crap = formula for disaster and/or great fun. In all seriousness, there are chickens everywhere in country! They just roam around freely. I can't figure out how they keep track of whose chicken is whose. What's to preven someone from stealing their neighbor's chicken and cooking it for dinner and they saying, "maybe a car ran over your chicken? don't look at me dude!" The other day, I was riding a rented bike down the street and passed a street food vendor. The woman was sitting in front of a small grill... she was grilling chicken kabobs. Standing next to her was a chicken, staring at the whole process quite intensely. The chick sees his future and the future does not look good.

Posting Vicariously

Evil

Since I am a sucky poster, I will live live vicariously through someone else's post. Check my friend FZ's blog for an update on what I've been up to lately.

http://francie.wordpress.com/2007/03/17/hey-we-know-that-dude/

It's amazing what comes up when you google "Superman + Porn"

Check out more details here...

Random Run-Ins

Evil

While strolling down the street yesterday, I ran into my good friend FZ. This was in Luang Prabang, Laos. How random is that! Luang Prabang isn't even the capital city of Laos. It's not the most tourist-visited city either. It's a nice little town with a lot of charm and French colonial architecture still largely in tact. Anyway, I was really glad to see FZ. She's on week 10 of a 50 week trip through Asia. Needless to say, I didn't expect to see her here. In fact, I expected to NOT see her, since her travel blog said that she was due to be in Burma this month. But as it turns out, she enjoyed the beaches of Thailand so much that she stayed a few extra weeks (who's counting?), so that's why she in Laos now.

Who's Pooh for Today?

It's someone's birthday...

Wooooooo!

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Huge Intl Fan Following?

Evil

I'm at an internet cafe in Cambodia right now. I just set the default homepage on this computer to be The Hose!!! Will we have a huge international fan following in the near future??!!

Overheard in Bangkok

Evil

My cab driver in Bangkok asks if I've heard of the Ping Pong Show. The answer is no, but I'm also thinking, why the hell would I care. I mean, bring me to the arena so I can check out some Muay Thai or something. Those guys are tough. They could break a baseball bat with their shins! The cab driver says that mostly only cab drivers know about the Ping Pong Show. Turns out, it's not a Ping Pong match. But the main act does feature a ping pong ball. Another part of the act features an egg (which gets cracked). Yet another part of the act involves huge bananas.

This is Really Important!

While Evil and I have been putzing around on this stupid blog, mother f*cking Brody Jenner and Spencer Pratt have been making an international brand out of themselves.

Apparently, the douchebaggery on "The Hills" is totally contrived by them to make themselves famous and they are really proud of it.

Read this really important thing here!

I'll Be A-Seein' Ya (No I Won't)

Evil
I won't be around for a few weeks, people. Play nice while I'm away.

Manolo Gets His Heart Broken For The Last Time

For the past few months, I have been throwing a get together at my place in the lieu of happy hour. I invite all the neighbors, friends, well wishers, and other members of the Manolo entourage. This past Friday was "Bubbles and Berries" (TM) February. As the party was nearing its conclusion, my guests were already making plans with the leftover champagne. I told them to count me and my champagne out.

They couldn't understand why I couldn't go sailing with them on Saturday or why I couldn't attend that rap video shoot at the mansion in the beach. They didn't know that I have been expecting xTian since early January ever since he told me not to make any plans because he was coming for his cousin's wedding in late February.

Anyway, he calls-drunks me from the wedding and we make plans to meet Saturday. The plan is to have brunch by the pool. We are going to eat some eggs benedict and sip some Mimosas. Then we are going to make fun of Evil or Mr. Shoulders and we will reminisce about the good old days...

Saturday morning rolls around and I wake up from my champagne induced coma by the sound of a text message coming in. The message came in at 10:29 AM and it reads..."We had to go! See u next time."

I don't understand why there is always some sort of a 36-hour limit to any Miami-based xTian visit. Why can't they all be like that magical weekend of 2005...

It's always an excuse with you xTian, isn't it?. Always with the emails or 10 AM text messages trying to make up what you so dastardly destroy time and time again. Sorry it's not going to cut it this time. I will no longer play the role of your enabler. I won't let you walk over me anymore...