At the Seams

I seem to be coming apart again. Another apartment search and the realization that by staying in NYC I am actually losing ground in life has brought me to a new internal low.

I tried something dramatic the other day, I debated moving to the 'hood, and even looked at an apt way the hell up there in the legit 'hood. I don't belong in the 'hood. I am a mama's boy. Always have been, I got no business in the 'hood.

My friend is much more mature than me; she has been wiser about how she has handled her post grad school life. She needed someone to take over her lease as she just bought a place (see, suck it up live in the hood and buy a place...its that easy).

I suppose I can buy a place, but I anticipate another year of downward pressure on home purchases, so in the interim I am moving to Hoboken and building up a cash reserve. We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, as we were talking I dumped a lot of info on my friend and she didn't move. She didnt run away. She didn't ask me to leave. There I was, xTian Age 30ish/emotional age 19...just laying out all my crazy..."dude I'm old"..."dude, I suck" "dude, I'm bad at my job" "dude, I don't like any of my friends". Crazy from all angles...and all she just shifted uncomfortably on her couch thing. To be fair, i am not sure if it was me dumping all my insecurities on her or that my eyes shifted eagerly between trying to look up her skirt and down her tank top. The net of it was, she shifted self consciously and it was because of me whether it was frantic musings or my completely inappropriate leering it was all coming from me. Just between us loyal readers - nothing makes me hornier than my own insecurities.

But she went no where nor did she ask me to leave! What a giving person...
As she showed me out she suggested I think less about things...That's certainly not going to happen...if I don't dwell on this stuff I would have nothing to blog about.