Scenes from a wedding...

(continued from last week)

Dr. Jay's wedding rocked! "Classic", "best of" wedding, right down a re-enactment of the scene from Godfather III where our large, unwieldly, extended family got together and posed for a massive family portrait. At one point during the picture I noticed that 60% of the wedding invitees were standing for this photo. Some of whom felt new to me. Are we multiplying? Is the Velez family tribble-like?

As discussed, I was related to most people at this wedding. Very few chicks in the mix. One was my escort for the evening. She was a redhead. 30 years into my life I still don't know if I find redheads attractive. it's foreign to me so its always interesting but I am never sure its good stuff. Not knowing what to do when i noticed her at the rehearsal dinner I made Bumpasaurus sit at their table while i acted like I needed to catch up with my little cousin. Upon returning, I made Bump explain whether she was hot or not...

Bump- "who? The old lady?"

You can always count on the Bump. For what? Only the little baby jesus knows...

But I digress, I'll admit she smelled odd. Well she did not actually smell odd, I just did not like her scent. Further, it was hot that day (like stupid hot) and so this scent that i was not a huge fan of was for, whatever reason, more pronounced. Still bored out of my mind, I engaged her in dancing. I explained to her that salsa is in triple and merengue was in duple. This is a fact, Jon-El has told me. I really have no idea what to do with this information myself but she nodded knowingly...like i was giving her great advise.

As we were getting drinks we had the following exchange


Her: "I need to get a phD, but i can't"
Me: "oh why?"
Her: "you would not understand, you're too young."
Me: "how old do you imagine i am"
Her: "i am guessing around Dr. Jay's age...just under 30"
Me: "good guess..."
Her: "too young"
Me: "huh"
Her: "i'm thirty-six"
Me: "goddamn.."
Her: "unlike [the bride] i have no one to support me, I'm by myself. I don't have a great guy like Dr. Jay to take care of me while i do this"
Me: "right, oh look there's my grandmother, I have to go say hi to her"

Later, on another woman grabbed me for a dance. She was the little sister of the best man, could not be older than 26ish...

Her: "thanks for dancing with me...you're pretty good"
Me: (to myself) "poor child, has she been surrounded by white people her whole life, I look ridiculous...I'm having fun"
Me: (to her) "thanks..you too"
Her: "I just really appreciate it"
Me: "Como?"
Her: "I come to these things and only dance with my girls...its no fun"
The Journey song - Don't stop Believin - comes on, we are now holding each other. this is suddenly a 3rd grade dance.
Little girls (8 and 6 were their ages)
Her: "these are my girls"
Me: "huh? Um...hello little girls"
the four of us danced for a minute. then thankfully the song ended.

Her: "are you going back to the hotel?"
Me: "nah, i am going home" I yelled to my brother "Bump go bring around the car"

Cowardice, thy name is xtian.

Earlier this week, I had lunch with a friend and I was telling her these stories. She asked why I mention all this. I noticed that it was because she smelled just like the bridesmaid who was looking for financial support. When challenged she promised she was wearing no scent. I blamed her moisturizer. Her eyes got LC like "big and pensive", she was judging my sanity.