Danger! Danger!

Evil

Have you ever had one of those days at the gym... where no matter how hard you try, you just cannot for the life of you, seem to avoid getting perilously close to some guy's dirty schlong in the locker room? I mean, wtf?! I had one of those days today. I felt more in danger than a U.S. Army PFC in Fallujah. I was trying to dodge penis like the Army tries to dodge car bombs.

To all the oafs who work out at the upper east side Equinox, I'd like to suggest the following:

1. If you're gonna take a full 5 minutes to blow dry your back hair, you might as well take 2 seconds to wrap a towel around your waist

2. You don't need to stand in the locker room naked and waggle your pee pee around while trying to place a limit order with your stock broker

3. If you really wanted to include squat thrusts in your workout, why didn't you do them BEFORE you came back to the locker room?