Baseball Quickies

Evil

• I think there's no denying now that Omar Minaya is a racist against both whites and blacks. That wouldn't be a problem at all if he built a team that was any good. But as it is, the Mets BLOW! Omar needs to lose his job. Bring in Buck Showalter. That's the smart move.

• Here is an awesome trade that works for both sides: A-Rod for David "Strikeout King" Wright. The Yankees also agree to eat $50M from A-Rod's contract. A-Rod gets a fresh start with the Mets. He also automatically becomes the team leader, which he desperately wants to do. No more being in Derek Jeter's shadow. The Mets get the best player in baseball not named Pujols.

• Here's another possible trade: A-Rod for Jose Reyes. Yankees also eat $50M from A-Rod's contract. Reyes plays shortshop and Derek "Limited Range" Jeter moves to 3rd. A-Rod would move back to SS, his natural position, for the Mets.
  

Slash's American Idol Updates

Evil

Slash just tweeted that "Those AI kids can sing their asses off, especially Adam." (Follow Slash here.)

Adam Lambert would make an awesome frontman for Velvet Revolver, don't you think?

"Things That Have Me Confused" Quickies

Evil

• Just saw this "36 Hours in Oakland, CA" article in the NYT. What audience is this written for?! What kind of person is going to Oakland for vacation? I am not trying to be elitist or anything. Can anyone explain?

• Look at what Eli Manning has been up to. He's demo'ing Kenmore appliances at a Kitchen & Bath trade show! Eli, where has your dignity gone? You're a Super Bowl MVP for goodness sake. Can't you get a sports drink or razor or credit card sponsorship deal? By the way, your appearance on ESPN's "Mike and Mike" radio show to plug Kenmore's new lineup of fridges and stovetops was embarrasing. Peyton is going to give you a wedgie for that.
  

Upsetting The Locals

Evil

The Fabric Market in Shanghai is awesome. There are a couple of hundred little shops that sell every type of fabric you can imagine: cottons, linens, silks, cashmere, wool in every color, pattern, and texture. Most shops have tailors, so you can pick whichever type of fabric and have them make any type of custom clothing for you.

For example, if you wanted a custom cashmere hoodie made for your 5 year old chihuahua, that would be no problem.

Seeing as I dont have a dog, I went to the fabric market to get two suits made. After some serious haggling with the chick above, I was able to finalize on two suits:

* one is white linen. inside lining is salmon-colored silk.

* the other is powder blue. inside lining is white silk.

Price for both suits was 900 RMB ($132 USD). Not bad, if I do say so myself.

Scenes From My Cameraphone

Evil

The neighborhood photography studio displays various samples in their window as you would expect any photo studio would do... wedding photos, glamour head shots, baby photo books. The baby photo book above is one such sample. Check out the "sample text" they have on the cover! I am gonna guess that whoever did this layout had no idea what the text meant. (Click on the photo for a larger view.)

American Idol Bracket Update

Evil

Click here for the latest bracket standings. Poor KillerB2, it gets worse and worse for her every week. Just like the NY Mets. Poor GG/PP, they might have an awesome grandson, but they have no hope in the Idol Bracket.

In evaluating the forward-looking upside potential of each person's bracket, it seems pretty clear that MG is the front runner. He probably has a 50/50 chance of winning it all. I think I have an outside chance, maybe like 10 or 15%. Geez, can I win something for once in my life? I mean, CMON!

Remembering Doug Howard

I grew up in Indiana. I attended a very standard suburban public school, lived in a house with a yard, in a neighborhood with a lake, in a city with little more to notice than the final resting place of Johnny Appleseed. Which is what made it so memorable when Doug Howard moved in next door to me when I was in the 5th grade.
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Doug was much older than I was - he was a junior in high school. His aunt and uncle - the Griffins - lived next door. They were an older couple, and they had a collie named Tag. Doug was their nephew. They didn't have children of their own. Doug had grown up in Lafayette Indiana, but had always run with the wrong crowd. A crowd that included Axl Rose and Izzy Stradlin (who were themselves a few years older than Doug). Eventually Doug was kicked out of his high school in Lafayette, which is when his aunt and uncle agreed to take him in.

To say Doug didn't fit in with the preppy suburban kids is a huge understatement. He hated them. But for some reason - perhaps lack of other friends - he took a shine to me. Some days after school I would go to his house to shoot pool in the basement. Doug always had dip in his mouth. He dipped constantly even though it was a huge infraction at school, and not even legal for minors. I remember he would stack all of his empty Skoal cans on his desk in his room and I couldn't believe he didn't hide them from this aunt and uncle! But of course, what did he care. He was also the first person I ever saw play that game where you put your open hand on a book and as quickly as possible stab a knife between each of your fingers back and forth until you miss. He always carried a switchblade, which was of course also a big no-no in school. Doug also played electric guitar, which I thought was really cool. So, anyway - for at least a half-year, this is how I spent 2-3 afternoons a week. Afternoons with Doug, in the Griffin's house.

You won't be surprised to know that Doug eventually got kicked out of our school system. It all happened pretty fast, and overnight he was gone. His aunt and uncle sent him back to Lafayette. I'm sure it was hard on them. He never really respected them or their rules, and certainly disappointed them by getting kicked out of school. It must have been hard for them. They were older - in their early 60s or so, and since they never had children of their own were really not cut out for the situation. I remember they seemed to fluctuate between tough love and trying to be understanding - but what they probably never realized is that Doug just didn't care. Their suburban home, with the yard, and the lake, and the preppies all around was the last place he ever wanted to be. And so it was.

I never saw Doug Howard again. And really haven't thought about him much either. Reading these GnR posts today reminded me of him though. I loved Guns and Roses, and because Doug actually grew up with these rock and roll heroes, I thought of him in those same hero terms. Still do really.

More Slash On American Idol Preview

Oh man oh man oh man. This is going to be the best week of Idol ever. G-n-R was my first and last band crush. Twenty years ago, every inch of my wall was covered in posters of these sweaty, gnarly grown men. I don’t know what my parents must have thought of all that, but they were wise enough not to interfere.

I’ve spent the morning re-aquainting myself with their catalogue, with an eye towards picking songs that are Idol-worthy. First thought: Use Your Illusion was a really ambitious project. It also came out at the absolute apex of the music video genre. The videos for November Rain and Don’t Cry taken together are a stand alone rock opera.

Sadly, many of G-n-R’s songs don’t have enough vocal range and/or rely too heavily on a world-class guitar soloist to be interesting on this show. The exception is Sweet Child O’ Mine.



Predictions after the jump.

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In a perfect world, Adam and Allison would have to arm wrestle over who gets to sing this one. Either of them would absolutely kill with it. But here’s what I think will happen instead:

Kris “What Wife?” Allen will perform “Hey Jealousy” accompanied by a calypso steel drum, completely missing the point of Rock Week entirely. He’ll need a lot of 14 year old girls to save him this week, because he will be by far the worst performance.

Danny “Downy Jr.” Gokey will very competently pound out a power ballad that slyly reminds us all that he lost a young wife. “Faithfully” by Journey would be good, or “When I See Your Smile” by Bad English.

Allison “Reverting to a Brunette” Irahera should cover a male rock singer, but instead will go with a female rocker. She has two choices here. She can bring down the house with Blondie’s “Call Me,” or she can wail through an indifferent Heart song, probably “Alone.” Her track record suggests she’ll take the latter.

Adam “Winner” Lambert is in a bit of a pickle. As mentioned above, he should go with “Sweet Child,” but it doesn’t fit his strategy for two reasons. First, he’s at his best when he chooses interesting arrangements of relatively obscure songs (e.g., “Mad World”). Second, he alternates fast and slow every week, and this is a slow week. It’s hard to guess what he might do, but it will be something like “When the Children Cry” by White Lion.

Slash on American Idol! Preview Commentary...

Evil

As reported here earlier, Slash is gonna be on American Idol! How killer is that? Very impressed the Idol producers were able to pull it off.

With it being Rock Week, this basically spells the end for Whimpy Kris Allen. That guy has a vagina and a half. I'm pretty curious what song he's going to perform. It's a no-win situation for him. If he attempts to really rock out, he's gonna fall flat on his face. No authenticity. I say there's a good chance he's going the "rock ballad" route and perform with his acoustic guitar. Something along the lines of "More Than Words" (Extreme), although he probably doesn't have the vocal chops for that song. He could also go totally whitebread generic and do a Bon Jovi song. Maybe Kris should just full-on embrace his gayness and perform "Sweet Child O Mine"... the Sheryl Crow version!

Red-Headed Sex Pot Allison can go in a million directions for Rock Week. This is her bag, baby! By the way, is she losing weight week by week? She's looking better and better. I think a throwback choice like Cinderella could be cool. Granted, they are not the rockingest band out there, but she has that gravelly voice, which would be good for Cinderella songs.

Tricky week for Danny Downey Jr Gokey. Luckily for him, he'll suck less than Kris so it doesn't matter much what song he performs. If I were him, I'd go rock ballad. He could do a good rock ballad justice. Something like "Wild Horses" (Rolling Stones), "American Pie" (Don McLean), or any of the five dozen rock ballads by Aerosmith.

Now with Adam Lambert... if Adam performs a song NOT sung by either: Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach, Chris Cornell, or Steve Perry, I will be sooooo disappointed. He would kill a Journey song. And you know Randy will wet his pants with excitement because he can throw out the line, "I used to be in Journey..."

Gross Out Post of the Day

I played tennis last Saturday for the first time this season. It was a lot of fun, except for the time my opponent hit a drop shot, and I ran full speed to the net, and lunged, and made the shot, only to stumble and skid across the pavement on my knee and elbow for a few yards. Opponent then hits a winner past me.

Result: lost point, and a big gnarly scrape on my knee and elbow. Scrapes which have now become big gnarly scabs. Scabs I oddly find myself wanting to pick.

A few times today I've had to remind myself that I am an adult, and adults don't pick scabs. Or do they....?

The Hosecast: Episode 2 - Swine Flu Attack!

Add to my Page or subscribe via iTunes here.

This sound 85% better. You can understand the Bump this time! Woo

We break down the swine flu, Mark Sanchez, Sanjay Gupta before we lose ourselves in the darkness of Mike Tyson's existence.

MSW Rolls on - Mark Sanchez's Family

Check out this happy video of Mark and his awesome family BBQing. They're just like us!

They are all made for TV - his dad when asked about supporting his kid says "yes, I'm his biggest athletic supporter" with a wry grin!

We need an ESPN Deportes reality series on these people ASAP!

If this kid learns to merengue he will own NYC!

Things I Did Not Know About Until Older Than Imagined (TIDNKAUOTI)

In no particular order:

1. The Golem of Prague
2. Stinky Cheese
3. Economics
4. Mixed drinks
5. Food allergies
6. Birth control
7. Serious stupidity
8. Sacrifice
9. Credit
10. Hummus

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American Idol Rewind

We’re in!!

First off, a word about the episode theme: Rat Pack, although every single one seems to really be from a musical written by Cole Porter or Ira Gershwin in the ‘30s….so let’s call this show the American Songbook episode. EVERY song is durable, impeccably written, so that even we could sing it and you would still say, “wow, great song.” Note to husband: don’t ever sing me “My Funny Valentine”, which is the biggest backhanded compliment song ever written…”You’re ugly, but I love you, isn’t that funny?” Blech.

Also, what’s up with KB1 suddenly becoming an NBA fan? You think you know a guy after 7 years. NBA finals last like 4 months, so I assume he is out for the duration of Idol. Reviews after the jump.

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Kris “What Wife?” Allen – He picked perhaps the best song of the group, and chose the swingin’ Frank Sinatra arrangement. Smart move. He wore a nice suit. Catjjy thinks his stage presence is small. He’s in the bottom two of the remaining contestants in terms of actual singing ability, so he benefited mightily from going first this week. Did anyone else notice that he is building up his heart-throb cred? No mention of his young wife during that very romantic song. Not even a quick shot of her in the stands.

Allison “Transitioning Back to Brown Hair” Iraheta – Another very good song choice. Very loung-y, perhaps the next Diana Krall. She still feels like she is killing at a talent show, rather than headlining at the Bowry Ballroom.

Matt “What Mole?” Giraud – The judges say this is a very difficult song to sing. I’ll take their word for it. It certainly isn’t very fun to listen to, then or now. So long, Matt.

Danny “Downy Jr.” Gokey – Continues to compile his resume for Best Wedding Singer in the MidWest. KB1 made that comment weeks ago, a bit facetiously. We mean that as a real compliment. He’s going to get people out on the dance floor, wailing out “Brick House” and the like. But, again, we aren’t lining up to buy his first album.

Adam “Theater Queen” Lambert – Goes the full Liza this week: over-the-top Broadway camp. Love a man whose suit matches his teeth. We reiterate our comment that he seems to get preferential use of lighting and stage props. We can’t WAIT for the rock episode. And, of course, the forthcoming vampire puppet rock opera.

Come back next week, KB1!

We Interrupt This Broadcast......

Um..... I take my Idol blogging pretty seriously - meaning I do it most of the time, except when I can't. Tonight is one of those nights. Consider this:

• Game 6 of the Celtics and Bulls. Score is 62-61 right now.
• Game 7 of Rangers and Capitals. Score is tied 1-1 right now.
  

My hands are tied. Sorry folks. I suggest you all post your individual thoughts about Idol and we can look for beauty in the chaos. Godspeed.

Tuesday Quickies - Boston Edition

Yesterday I was in Boston meeting with various people around the city - 7 hours - 5 meetings - 5 different places - which made it feel like a really condensed episode of the amazing race. Some highlights.

• I took the Amtrak. The guy sitting across from me wore a purple tie on a purple shirt. Other than that he looked like any other professional on the Acela. WTF?
• I had the oldest, grumpiest, most foul-mouthed cab driver I've ever encountered. He was also a racist. I know because he told me. First thing.
• I found Chinatown. I've been to Boston a lot, and somehow always managed to miss it. I did not see Evil, however, which supports his claims of being in the real China.
  
• The combination of warmth, sun, and a weekend sweep of the Yankees seemed to create a perfect storm of uncommon friendliness, even to a visiting New Yorker. Thanks!
  
• I took the last flight on JetBlue home. That same douche in the purple on purple sat across from me again. Awkward.
  
• 2 girls on the plane were in med school - the same school that produced that hooker killer guy apparently. They talked really loud about him for the first half of the flight. I think they wanted people to hear them. They wanted us to say "ohhh, you KNOW him?!?! What's he like?!?!?!" I wasn't about to do that. Nice try.
  

MSW- Tuesday - Sanchez gets Dirty at Citi Field

Yesterday, the newly appointed King of NY made his presence felt!

Mark Sanchez brought his charisma, good looks, and leadership qualities to the CitiField to throw out the first pitch and lead the Mets the to an 8-1 victory over the first place Marlins! What leadership! What charisma! Can we fit him for a fur trench coat already?

That was after an action packed day of throwing footballs to his brothers at Baker Field and getting yelled at by the governmental overlords now running Citibank! Mark's Twitterfeed is after the jump!

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I Hate This Guy

Evil

I saw this picture and read the headline: "Florida High School Senior to Try for Fifth Consecutive No-Hitter" and automatically hated this guy. Look at his douchy face. Who pitches like that. Dude, what happened to sportsmanship? If you're so much better than everyone else in your league, go play in another league already. Going for your 5th straight no-hitter is an a-hole thing to do. I hope your arm snaps off while you pitch.

Poll Results - Lazy Ass Edition

Evil

My problem is that I'm too lazy. Too lazy to write any witty commentary. So I will crowdsource the commentary for this poll. Have at it, Hosers!

Thought Of The Day

Evil

All anyone needs is a good woman.