Grilled Meat

On Sunday, I went over to KenTak's house to hang out with him, the GF and their gay dog Bruno. I brought along MikeT just because he did not seem to be doing much and also I figured bruno would crush hard on Mike's shaved head and plaid shirt. Totally nailed that one too...

KenTak apparently has not upgraded his OS for the summer, because his grilling skills were severely lacking. The GF of course, delivered across a number of dimensions. Baking cookies, keeping me from stepping on Bruno's doody rag and generally being a good hostess. The real hero of the day was Evil Twin 1 who showed up and dropped so BBQ-Fu that will be the talk of BBQs from NY to Boston for seasons to come. It got really interesting when she started flipping beef while doing the worm. WHAT TALENT!

Evil Twin #2 was also on sight. She and I had the best conversation.

her:"hey, how are you?"

me:"Great you?"

her:"I'm good!"

me:"really?"

her:"yeah why?"

me:"I read your blog"

her:"oh yeah...so you know how I'm really doing"

me: "right..."

her:"i'm ok. Things are getting better"

Our conversation moved on to what we have been up to for the last several months at one point i started something with "And then in Miami..."...She cut me off with a "oh yeah that was a great blog entry. I liked the part where..." I tuned her out...whats the point of talking when we can BLOG!

Not much else happened, I ate, there was a food coma, for some reason MTV came on and we settled into TRUE LIFE : I'M A JERSEY SHORE GIRL

There was one really friggin annoying guy there, who upon hearing that Evil Twin 2 was leaving her job went into this diatribe about the increasing demands by the market that large corporations divest of businesses and focus on core competencies, and somehow tried to analogize it to ET2 quiting a crappy lawyer job for a better one with more money. MikeT not know what to make of that said something sarcastic like "that was the most insightful thinking on business trends I've heard in quite some time, should I put that in my next analyst report?"

I wondered if someone left an economist at this dude's bbq. what a tool?

Musings on Revenge of the Sith...(SPOILER ALERT)

I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why Yoda quits towards the end of Revenge of the Sith. Why do he and Obi Wan agree that the only strategy is a retreat? Obi Wan has defeated Vader. Surely together Yoda and Obi Wan could stand against the Dark Lord, Siddious. I cam up with an idea that worked for me, you guys let me know what you think. When Shaft almost killed Palpatine, it was obvious to me that he used anger and darkness that he was in fact on the path towards the Dark Side. It’s an eerie foreshadowing to the same scene in Return of the Jedi, where Luke on the verge of defeating the Emperor was on the verge of succumbing to the dark side. Is it true then that any Jedi in order to defeat a true dark lord has to access the dark side, that there must always be a balance between the light and the dark, that there must always be a Dark Lord?

Vader is the fulcrum in both scenes. In RotS, he kills Shaft, thereby cementing his position as one of the two dark lords. In RotJ he kills the Emperor and thereby finally ending the reign of the Sith by keeping his son from succumbing to the dark side. The fact that Vader then dies naturally is the only cause for the end of the dark side, no Jedi had to access the darkness to defeat him. Also when you line these scenes up against each other, you realize that Vader is truly the focal point of the series. Lucas has often pointed out that the 6 films when viewed together are essentially the redemption of Anakin Skywalker. The crucial decision, the one he makes the “wrong choice: in RotS he handles quite differently in RotJ. What’s funny is that I don’t think Vader ever gives up the dark side. Vader, when he throws the Emperor over the scaffolding still working from a fear of loss, loss of his son. As Yoda, accurately points out fear of loss is a path towards the dark side. So I challenge Lucas’ set up of this series as the redemption of Anakin. Yes he “undoes” the damage he does by saving Luke, but he never finds his way to the Light of the Force, he uses the same tools he always used, anger, passion, frustration. I might be revisiting an old inconsistency here.

So viewed from this lens, we understand what’s happening. We understand that Yoda and Obi Wan can’t take the fight to the Emperor directly; doing so will take them to the Dark Side. The New Hope, then is that Vader’s son will somehow be able to influence Vader’s actions so he can fulfill his destiny and restore the light to the force.

Btw, it seems to me that Siddious explains to us the origin of Vader. It seems to me that Siddious’ master is this fellow he mentions to Anakin when he is attempting to seduce him to the Dark Side; the one who can manipulate midiclorians to shape life. Assuming Siddious is the pupil who kills that Dark Lord then we can now clearly account for the origin of Anakin.

Many were confused by the implication that Anakin was conceived immaculately. It’s the one counter point to Jon-El’s reasonably well thought out theory that Lucas fundamentally posits that science is the new religion in the second trilogy by trying to explain away the force as scientific fact like gravity, much unlike the earlier trilogy where it is all masked in mysticism. I actually think it’s a little different. I think he’s saying that the decay of society can most quickly be noticed in the decay of the knowledge that this society wields. The society in the Classic Star Wars Trilogy is most clearly in decay and as a result, a culture has re-emerged where the unknown rather than be properly explored is now simply mystified.

Cross/Up Selling

My first post on Ordinal Rule is up. You can read it by clicking here.

PLUS

We now have an RSS Feed for the Hose, all you information syndicators can now leverage the power of RSS. Click here to find out how to leverage this powerful tool.

Miami and other Gayness

At the airport, while waiting for the plane, I really didn’t know how the weekend would end up. I had no idea how much or how little sleep I would get. I had no idea if I had packed appropriately for the weather. I didn’t even know if I was flying down by myself or not. Jon-El was had been vacillating all week on whether or not he would appear, at last check he was not. But really, who was to say with any certainty.

Read more about xTian and Manolo in Miami here.

Manolo Gets Motivated

Did anybody watch the Simpsons or Family Guy this weekend? I must have stopped the shows 4-5 times because I was laughing so hard...

In the last episode of the Simpsons, Bart gets kicked out of Springfield elementary and they are having a family discussion around the dinner table and how they are going to have to send him to private school.

Then Homer goes:

“And if you get kicked out of that one, you are going straight into the army where you will be sent straight to America’s latest quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything is possible with Commander Cuckoo Bananas in charge.”

HAHAHAHA!!!!

Then, in Family Guy, the neighbors were having a discussion outside when all of a sudden; a giant chicken appears out of nowhere. The giant chicken and Peter Griffin then spend the next 10 minutes fighting all over town…he finally defeats the giant chicken, and appears all beaten up to renew the discussion he was having with his neighbors like nothing happened.

Hah! They are freaking geniuses…Where do they come up with that stuff?

I remember that there was one time where Xtian and Evil were trying to take the Hose of its doldrums existence and started targeting MTV and VH1 executives via personalized ads in Google. I don’t think it went anywhere as it seems the executives were not vain enough to “Google” themselves…what's wrong with them? How can we be part of “Best Week Ever” or “When _______ ruled the World” if we are still relying on metrics from the old hey-days of the dot com era? Eyeballs? Unique visitors? Wtf?

Anyways, the point of the story it’s that the Hose lacks such geniuses and everything at the Hose seems falls on my shoulders…I just hope that my discussions with Xtian this weekend and this post are a rallying cry for somebody to think outside the box...

Coming up next month: Top 10 Hose Posts (as voted by our readers)

A distinguished panel consisting mainly of ME will decide on 20-25 posts. Our readers will vote on them at a latter date via electronic voting (e-mail). These votes will then be discarded to the trash bin. I, in conjuction with my politically appointed cronnies will finally decide on the top 10 posts...

Dave Chappelle explains himself!

Hurry back!

We need you...

read the article here.

The Hose Makes a Friend or two

Evil Twins is a blog at least partially maintained by someone who has been referenced a few times on this blog, to the point where she earned a nickname, however ill-fitting...

Also, I'm a soon-to-be contributor to Ordinal Rule, a blog created by my friend and brother Weise-Son (better name to follow). Similar in mandate to the Hose, but with one caveat. It's list based.

Someone should point out to the future Mrs. Evil that she should update her friendster profile to say "In a Relationship" so Evil can stop hatching plots that he will never follow thru on.

Also, I finally finished this post from last month...

Manolo Prepares For The Invasion

Actually, Manolo WAS preparing for this weekend's invasion when Jon-El goes ahead and pulls one of his patented moves and decides to cancel on us at the last minute...

It seems that after seeing his name online in the previous post, or perhaps suffering from a slight bout of TBS (touchy bitch syndrome), Jon-El got scared...

What followed was a series of actions, one more drastic than the other, and mainly involving me whining like a girl via voicemails/emails to him, his wife and even his mother to convice Jon-El to come down to the Dirty South after all...It seems that he is afraid that this week is going to be too wild for his taste...

I have decided to post a reply email I sent to Evil back in July 2002 after a similar weekend visit by xTian aka Big Head aka Purple Mushroom and his brother aka Little Big Head aka the Bumpasaurus aka Pacey J. Witter aka Mo Vaughn...

As you can see, there was nothing wild about it...I just hope this alleviates his fears, and those of his significant others and that he will be able to join us after all.

My Mom hates me

My mother hates me.

She hated me a few weeks ago when I missed her birthday. I felt so down about it that I made up this story about surfing and getting a concussion and told everyone I knew just to convince myself it was the truth.

She hated me this past weekend when I failed to come thru again on Mother's Day. It was friday and I had no idea what to do, no one was able to deliver flowers to my mother...the hell?

Not knowing what else to do, I outsourced the responsiblity to a local resource, my brother, The Bumpasaurus - Pacey J. Witter. A recipe for disaster.

Sunday, I ring him eagerly at 10am

"what did my mother and grandmother think of the flowers?"

"I did not get them yet. the futbol is on"

"Can you take care of it now please?"

"Can you cut me a break? Give me an hour."

Not knowing what to do with myself I rung a few aunts. My youngest Aunt was my second call. Her husband picked up and passed the phone to her, yelling

"Miy! [xtian] is on the phone"

"hey, sweetie I'm talking to your mom on my cell phone. Hold on she's saying somehting to me"

"what?"

"she said "{explative], why don't you remind him he has a mother and that should be his first call..." and then she hung up"

"Oh"

Sometimes you just can't win :-(

xTian uses the Force

........TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A PINATA


Check all the faces of shock and awe!

(Either that or these guys are coming down off a heroin buzz...you decide)



Next xTian and Jon-El invade Manolo's Gay bachelor Pad
A wild weekend of singing 60s R&B hits, doing each other's hair and watching Jerry Maguire awaits...plus coke and hookers!!!

Manolo Reads The Paper

I was online and came across the following article...

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/03/health/03ugly.html?8hpib

Somehow, Big Head and Big Little Head and their growing up stories popped into my head...

three inch Package

COurtesy of Davey K


http://www.wackmcs.com/wackmcs/crispy.wmv

Manolo Gives You Some More Animal Trivia

I am back!!! The master plan is to write a day by day travelogue of my 2 week getaway to Spain...Please bear with me!! Hopefully it will be more interesting than the "Man Dates" post Xtian is currently working on...

In the meantime, did you know that the female bedbug has no vaginal opening? If you’re a male bedbug you have to rip open her abdomen with your penis to deposit sperm...nevertheless (and this is for Evil), that doesn't mean it shouldn’t be good for her too.

Man Dates

Periodically, I meet KenTak3 for lunch. its not as frequently as i would like but it happens often enough...It was a nice day so we sat outside a food bar I like on Maiden Lane called Zeytunas.

As is often the case on a weekday around noon, its pretty packed. But the same pretty blonde is always sitting there anxiously reading some document or case study or something.

Without letting KenTak know, I positioned us near the pretty blonde, intending to attract her to our conversation. Little did I know how far south we would have to go before she would even look our way.

KenTak is an engaged conversationalist but has low tolerance for self deprication or general depression. As a result he hardly ever talks to the rest of our study group from college. Mr Shoulders and Evil are just too far gone at this point. He's still amused by me, because like people at work, I have the potential to get it right at ANY GIVEN MOMENT. of course I don't. If I did then this blog would be duller than it is.

Our conversation that day mostly centered on women and mixed success in recent months. As someone in a committed relationship, KenTak is amused by my flailing and i think uses it a remind for how good he's got it.
Bored talking to myself, and not thinking it will attract the pretty blonde into our web. I shift the conversation from chicks I'm not banging to an article I had recently read in the NY Times about dudes who go on date like things, like going to the movies or going to a museum, just a couple of metros pumped for a night on the town. Mentioning this as we both sat there in shirts we spent far too much money was amusing. She was looking over and just kind of sizing us up and down.

Ken actually said something funny and our blonde friend snorted.

I looked over at her, and was all like "Would it be wierd if me and this dude had a nice dinner somewhere?"

"I dunno, I dunno what's acceptable anymore.."

"I'm pretty sure at any given moment, it will be acceptable for a straight dude to suck another straight dude's cock and still be straight"

"sucking cock" the quickest way to end a conversation with a random person...

The Prodigal Son Returns!!

It seems nothing has changed since I last posted a blog on this site. The writing is piss poor, Evil is horrible, X-tian is still playing with himself because no woman will touch him, and the stories are boring.

I must apologize for my inactivity on this blog. Life has dealt me the shittiest cards you could imagine. I won't go into details because frankly, I don't like any of you. I just wanted to let you know that my eye is on all of you.

Manolo Goes On Vacation

I will be out of touch from March 31st to Apri 14 (Spain, baby, Spain!!!). If you are looking for something to pass the time, you can either look at the Manolo archives or come back after April 15th where I hope to entertain you with some stories from my travels across Spain...

Of course, there will some other postings on The Hose from Xtian and Evil but we all know those aren't as good as mine...I suggest you read those just so you can feel better about yourself and thank your lucky stars that your life its not as sucky as theirs...

Manolo Goes On Another Date

I have a friend at work that is really smoking hot. In my business, the women usually are...

I was regaling my coworkers last week with stories from my last date (come on, who the heck doens't believe in evolution?) when she told me about a friend who she wanted to set me up with who was a lot of fun and "believed in evolution". At first I wasn’t interested since I am not a big fan of blind dates (this was my second...the last one involved a Jewish girl and the search for a chinese KOSHER restaurant in the Upper West Side of NYC) but then I figured, “Hot girls usually hang out with hot girls…if her friend is half as hot as he is, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

We agreed to meet at a bar. I get there early and was having a few beers when a midget walked in. I tried not to stare, but the midget was walking in my direction. I then giggled a bit because I started reminiscing about old 3 AM drunk conversations I had back in school (Casa Latina) involving midget tossing.

Anyways, she sat down right next to me, and we began chatting. That’s when I found out she was my date. Things were going pretty well, and feeling comfortable enough, I decided to ask her what it’s like to be a midget. She gave me funny look and then proceeded to knock me off my bar stool (shout out to John-El...inside story!). She then kicked me with her tiny feet as she screamed, “I am not a midget, you asshole! I’m a little person.”

A few bouncers surrounded us, but they decided to watch and laugh for a couple of minutes before they pulled the "little person" off me. The bartender, who was FULLY hot, felt bad and offered to get me drunk for free. It was a really embarrassing night, but at least I learned that a) literally, she was half as hot and b) midgets have feelings too.

A Scene from Someone’s Forthcoming Autobiography

She was plumper than he expected. It was a muscular plumpness so he didn’t mind.

Things progressed as they’re meant to. As is often the case, past experience has him cautious when it comes to removing another person’s clothing. A history of ripped pants and broken panties has him concerned that he’s stronger than he ever lets on.

As he clumsily tries to remove her top he stops half way and takes a deep breath and speaks….

“I’m going to need for you to not internalize it when I kick your ass out of here at 930 in the morning.”

She looked at the clock and that it was 5am. She pulled her top back down as if she was going to go.

“Who are you kidding?” the pained look on her face broke his bravado “nah, seriously stay, I’ll buy you a bagel before I toss you out…”

That ended that bit of the conversation and led to another different sort of communication…

Thursday Night

At the end of the night on thursday, I was not ready to go home. It occurred to me that Sangay was still out and about at Serena's, which is right near my apartment. Perfect....

I walked in and there was a hot indian chick staring me down...I walk over to her and am all like:

ME: "whats up"

HER: "hey"

ME: "do I know you?"

HER: "no"

ME: "oh you're looking pretty hard at me is all"

SOME OTHER DUDE: "you talking to my girl?"

ME: "wha...she's staring at me"

Then I found Sangay and stood around a for a few minutes. Then the dude walked over to us and did a little dance...I think he was challenging me to a dance off for his woman. Either that or he wanted to bang me. Regardless, I got freaked out and left...

Head to Head - Evil vs. Pat O'Brien

Check this article out...Pat O'Brien is apparently crazy!