Random Thoughts on a Wednesday Evening

Evil

1. On the road again. Away from home. Sigh. Ordered room service. The guy bringing food shows up to my room. After a moment, he says, "Oh, just 1 person?" He takes the 2nd set of silverware off the tray and adds, "I didn't know whether this food was for 1 or 2." Man, am I eating too much?

2. The Latin Mass is coming back! WOOO! Thanks, Pope!

3. I'm on a longer losing streak than the New York Yankees. How do I snap out of this?

4. I just ordered an Apple TV. I don't even know why I did it. I don't know what to do with it when it arrives. I guess I just wanted to order it.

5. If I were an animal, what animal would I be?

I Never Feel Like This Guy

Evil



Why is Rudy Guiliani so happy?

Why is Rudy Guiliani so crazy?

Why is Rudy Guiliani in so much pain?

What the hell is going on in that picture? I can't believe this guy is the mayor of my city.

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil


This is a one eyed kitten. He was born with a single oversized eye, no eyelid, and no nose. Sadly, he only lived one day.

(I am sure that at some point, Manolo will author an extensive post on the reproductive cycle of one eyed cats.)

Outdated Movie Review: Pan's Labyrinth

Evil


According to Netflix, Pan's Labyrinth is a "fairy tale for adults." I was expecting something like Edward Scissorhands or even Beetle Juice. But noooo. Pan's Labrynth is a different type of movie altogether. First of all, it's not even in English. WTF? The entire movie is narrated in German. Or Mexican. Or something. Who the hell knows? Isn't English the official language of the great United States of America?

Back to the Netflix description, which adds: "10-year-old Ofelia (Ivana Baquero) stumbles on a decaying labyrinth..." Whoa! 10 years old? C'mon. This role was completely mis-casted. The girl had little boobies and child-bearing hips. It was quite uncomfortable, actually. When I watch a movie, I want no doubts as to whether I should be pants-on or pants-off. This movie was squarely in between. It sucked!

There's not much good stuff I can say about this movie. The characters are completely one dimensional, with no development that takes place over the course of the narration. The flat characters are epitomized by the Facist officer, Capeetan (Sergi Lopez). Why is that guy such a dick throughout the entire movie? I mean, cmon. Take a chill pill, dude.

Even if you're totally bored and have nothing better to do with your life and must absolutely get this movie on Netflix just to get your money's worth from your $21.95 membership (you cheap bastard), at the very least, avoid the DVD director's commentary at all cost! Holy crap! This director is the most self-absorbed douche bag this side of Dennis Miller. His commentary is unbearable. He comments on his movie as if he were the combination of George Lucas, Woody Allen, Jesus Christ, Albert Einstein, and Walt Disney. Two words aptly describe his commentary: mental masturbation. Someone hand me two Kleenex.

Overall, this movie gets 1 star (out of 5,000).

Memorial Day Plans

Evil

This is what happens when you don't have any friends. You end up with no plans for the long Memorial Day weekend. If anyone wants to reach me, you can find me in my apartment. I'll be busy moping, drinking myself into a hole, watching DVDs non-stop, surfing the internet for bomb-making tips, IMing with people I don't know that well, trying in vain (yet again) to write that most awesomest craigslist post that finally makes it onto the "best of" craigslist section, watching the Yankees lose, avoiding phone calls from my mom, contemplating why no girl wants to date me, eating pizza (large, please!), micro-managing my fantasy baseball team, going to the gym but not really working out that hard, sitting in starbucks and looking sad, trying to fix my broken vacuum cleaner, berating myself of my shortcomings ala Mr. Shoulders, failing to get out of bed before 11:30am, and generally wondering. Wondering about what? I don't really know.

Manolo Decides To Eliminate Someone?

My very dear old friend Yakov came into town this past weekend to celebrate his birthday (hopefully I will have some time to write some stories…) and to spend some quality time with dear old me. I do not mind that the least but that meant I had to put on hold my rather busy romantic life…That meant that this week was time to catch up...

Last night I invited this lady friend of mine who I had not seen like in two weeks came over for a romantic rendezvous. She is actually an older lady (in her mid 40s). I see her every now and then and it is just a pure sexual relationship. In fact, the only words spoken the whole night was through the gate intercom “I am here…can you open the door for me?”

This morning she sends me a text message which reads:

“U are amazing! I love being with u. I love u! Good thing that im very realistic about our relationship. Lovers forever. Besides, I know too much info. Kisses!”

This has me rather worried…what info is she talking about? Do you think she has a competing blog where she does a blow-by-blow (no pun intended) of the night festivities? Does that mean I can’t cut her off? What if I eventually meet someone I want to settle down with? Is she going to blackmail me? Am I still going to be forced to have sex with her on the side? Do I tell her that since she is old, our thing can only go until her fifties? What if I decide to run for President of the Parent Teacher Association or something? This is something my political operatives need to be aware of…I wonder if they have gotten their hands on any polonium 210…

American Idol Finale - RIGGED!

Evil

Holy crap. Watching the American Idol finale. They rigged this show!!! What a rip off. They totaly stacked the deck in Jordin's favor. Blake Lewis got a raw deal. They're gonna start calling him Blake "Hurricane" Lewis.

So get this, both Blake and Jordin had to sing the same song. The producers chose the song. It was the winning song in the song writing contest. That song totally played into Jordin's wheelhouse and did not work AT ALL for Blake. Why didn't they pick a song with all beat boxing and make Jordin sing it? Crap. The injustice makes me feel dirty.

Xtian's Romantic Date

evil

Check out what Xtian did this past weekend. He really hit it off with a lovely young lady. Their date was quite the rush.

Manolo Gets Shocking News

I have been trying to get into this young lady's underpants for the past few years. She is a friend of a friend and no longer lives in Miami. She would come into town every few months or so to see her old high school/college friends so I saw her sporadically and always in group settings. Every now and then, we would manage to sneak out for some mouth to mouth Mambo but never more than that…since she lived out of town and I hate the phone, our post lip wrestling relationship would quickly fizzle out.

About a month ago, she finally got instant messenger. This technology was of course quickly misused by both parties to engage in rather adult conversations…I found out why we never went past the old third base. Another thing I found out was her love of erotic material and her rather large collection. With this newly found knowledge and a new level of intimacy, she planned a trip where she got to Miami one day early to hang out with yours truly.

After picking her up at the airport and doing the whole dinner thing, we ended up at my apartment where things quickly progressed. I am not going to give you a play by play but I will tell you that everything was going rather fine and dandy. That is until she started caressing my buttocks and tried to do the male version of the shocker…I know some of you are into that (i.e. - Evil, Xtian) but that definitely killed the evening for me…

Anyway, the lesson of the day is that persistence pays off!!!

There is a bonus lesson though which is way more important...if a girl tells you she is into porn and in fact has a full fledged collection, make sure you find out what kind of porn she is into before you sign up for the voyage…

50 ways to leave your lover?