The Hose

Outdated Hurricane Review

I think I have been in hurricanes back when I lived in the islands but I was probably a little kid and really was oblivious to the weather related happenings of the world.

Last week Hurricane Frances had Miami on its sights and everyone was running around like a chicken without a head trying to stock up on the essentials. There were huge lines for gas, wood, water and those inventories promptly ran out. There was no electricity for a lot of people…I think all it needed to officially become a third world country was more Spanish people and maybe a messed up election or two…oh wait!!!

You couldn’t say the same thing about me. I was woefully under prepared and proud of it. My fuel gage was past the E mark and since I hardly ever drink water, I found no need to stand in line for 2 hours to buy H20. I had new hurricane impact resistant windows so there was no need for plywood or shutters.

You know what, I did go shopping. I went to the liquor store and bought some ice, vodka, whisky, rum, and tequila. I also visited Target but that was to stock up on a bunch of 3-ply toilet paper that was on special.

Since there is another hurricane around the corner, there were a couple of lessons learned that I will need to apply for this new one.

1) You need to have some sort of pre-hurricane party. Get really wasted so you are totally oblivious to what’s going on outside…
2) Create a schedule so you don’t suffer from “Cabin Fever.” Throw in Olympic events such as Dominoes, Pictionary, Monopoly and Twister.
3) Don’t buy condoms…you will just realize how lonely you are when you drink, get horny and start placing “booty calls.” Everyone I called was weathering the hurricane with “family or friends”…family and friends? what the f&@# is that?