No More Feeling Like This Guy

Evil


Listen, you. I don't care that your team just put the nail in their own coffin. So what that they had the most monumental collapse in baseball history. There's no excuse for looking to pathetic and feeling sorry for yourself. Happiness is all a state of mind. Go on. Be confident. There's always next year.

YAY! Jenny!

I met this girl over a year ago and now she has a video.

Dude, how do you field sitting down and sulking?!?!?!?

Get up F*CKER!

Ask Xtian (The Series)

Evil

Dear XTIAN- when does a girl become your girlfriend, officially? What are the necessary and sufficient criteria?

Moral Question

Evil

Here is the situation, please weigh in...

As you know, I left for two weeks in Turkey and didnt record a single show on DVR because I had stupidly unplugged all the electronics in my apartment. Most of the shows I dont care about so much, but I'd really like to catch the two episodes of The Pickup Artist that I missed. My plan was to download the episodes via Bit Torrent, but people have been telling me that it's wrong to do such a thing.

Is it really??!! I mean, I already pay for cable. And I was going to watch the shows anyway. The only hangup was that my DVR was unplugged. It's not like VH1 is losing any incremental money because of this.

Date Or Die: Over and Out?

I flinched right after I said it. For some reason, I reacted to saying it the same way I reacted to making fun of my mother's perm as a boy. Worth doing, but only if you duck for cover ASAP.

The words, though small, hung in the air. I sipped my drink, a stiff one mixed of and scotch and vermouth. I considered the glass for a second...plotting an escape that was not evident. There was no escape. I looked up.

She's smiling at me. I think when I stared at her, just 30 seconds prior, I said something to the effect of “I really like you…” which I attempted to redeem with “Is that ok to say?” and then the flinching started.

She enjoyed this awkwardness. Up to that second, I was in complete control, a man with a plan. On some level that was working for her, but on another it was not ringing fully true. xTian does have a kryptonite. It’s called honesty. (Long time readers should not be surprised) I’ll admit - I really loved that she’s enjoying it.

“I think its ok to say. Further, I’m down with that.” She says she’s “down with” things with a perfect cadence and without contracting any words. It’s quite charming. ”I like you to…in spite of…um…whatever”

Oh, no…it’s going off the rails. Self defeating nitwit that I am I press her. “In spite of what?”

“I really didn’t want to”

“Huh?”

“No, not like that. “ She’s playing with her mint julep. I really dig that she ordered straight bourbon with mint and sugar. “I just have so much going on I did not think I was in a place to meet someone new”

“oh…”

“But I really like you too…this is good”

Yes…yes it is…I’m now holding her hand. We’re an interesting sight, us in this dark bar... One question hangs in the air:

How do I keep from messing this up?

Outdated and Shallow Book Reviews

Evil

My friend The AY recently said to me, "Maybe if you left your apartment every once in a while and if you weren't always alone, reading, you might meet some new people." The apartment thing I was aware of, but the reading thing was news to me. I'm not a natural reader, but since she mentioned it, I guess it's true that I've been reading more than usual this year.

For the benefit of you Hosers, I figure I'd write an Outdated and Shallow Book Review for the books in my 2007 reading list...

My Life, by Bill Clinton
If I told stories like Bill Clinton, I bet I'd be getting BJs all the time too. Bill is a genius. Even though this book is almost 1000 long, it's a great read. Do it! (Bill, I miss you!)

All Too Human, by George Stephanopoulos
George Stephanopoulos is like Bill Clinton's pet doggie. Loyal... alway by his owner's side... and not all that bright. This book is mostly the author bitching about how stressful life was in the West Wing. Someone needs to toughen up!

It's Not About The Bike, by Lance Armstrong
The reviews say that this story is amazing and inspirational. I say that this book is boring and lacks real story telling. Lance Armstrong has only one ball. (Now you can skip this book.)

The Cracking Codebook, by Simon Singh
YAWN. It's a book about code breaking. Interesting concept in theory (especially if you were a Computer Science major, which is what I studied at university), but poorly executed.

Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson
So far, it's the only fiction book that I've read this year and well worth it. Marilynne Robinson is amazing. Her first book, Housekeeping, is still one of my favorite novels of all time. Thinking about Housekeeping makes my feel young again (it's about two children... orphans, runaways, vagrants). Reading Gilead makes me feel old (it's a story about a 76 year old man, near death, writing letters to his son) . Such is the beauty and skill of Marilynne Robinson.

The Killing Fields, by Christopher Hudson
A story about genocide. Who can resist?!

The Supremes' Greatest Hits, by Michael Trachtman
About 34 landmark US Supreme Court decisions. Great read for people who aren't legal experts.

The Supreme Court, by William Rehnquist
A surprising pleasant and interesting read. I thought this book might be a bore, just judging (har har!) by the looks of William Rehnquist. Even before he died, he looked like he had been dead for 10 years. Not true of his prose and story telling. It's actually quite lively!

The Majesty of the Law, by Sandra Day O'Connor
ARGH! Hugely disappointing. I thought this book was going to be good, because Sandra Day O'Connor played such an important role in the court (swing vote). She write like a lawyer though. Boooooo.

The Sushi Economy, by Sasha Issenberg
Eh, I though it was "just OK." All about tuna, which I find to be a cool topic. But story and facts fall a little flat.

The Game, by Neil Strass
Part of my new and intense obsession with VH1's "The Pickup Artist." Although Neil Strauss isn't on the show, this book is partly about Mystery, the guy on the show with the crazy tall hats and giant goggles. Even if you're not trying to pick up chicks, this book is a very entertaining read. Neil Strauss used to write for Rolling Stones and the NYT Style section, so he can actually write.

F-YOU, Environmentalists!

Evil


i'm back in town, biotches! thanks for not robbing my apartment (HAH! missed opportunity. suckers!) and not burning down The Hose. i'll post more about turkey later today, if i dont start drinking myself into a tizzy by 4pm. but in the meantime, i'd just like to say F-YOU to all guilt inducing environmentalists everywhere! you have caused me great distress and loss!!! let me explain: i get back to my apartment last night, plugged in all my electrical devices (chargers, lights, tv, etc) and sat down to enjoy 2 weeks worth of DVR'd shows! i mean, how great is that? 2 weeks worth of recorded shows... it's like the feeling that a glutton has in Cafe Lalo. but guess what? i had no recorded shows. DUH! how was my DVR supposed to record anything when every f'ing electrical device in my apartment was unplugged! i blame this all on the environmentalists... making me feel guilty for doing it and now suffering the consequences. among other things, i'm missing 2 episodes of The Pickup Artist on VH1. now there will be a permanent hole in my pickup game.

Cabbit (feat. C'mere by Interpol)

I went to an interpol concert last night. They played my favorite song "c'mere". It's awesome. check out this gay claymation movie someone made to the song on youtube...the concert was just like this but the complete opposite

Hope I Dont Dıe

Evıl

the last of my tıme ın turkey wıll be spent on a 45 foot boat ın the medıteranean. the boat ıs an old converted fıshıng boat that they take vacatıoners on. there wıll be 8 or so other passengers and a crew of 3. ı bet everyone there wıll know how to swım... except me. hopefully ı wont dıe because ı know that wıll make you all sad. but ıf ı do dıe, someone please take care of xtıan untıl he reaches maturıty.

New Poll!

That's RIGHT! Me am SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Road Trip!

I am just returned from a roadtrip that took me from from Dallas to SF. Here are the photos.

South by Southwest

You know, i need to work on my photo skills overall, several photos were lost...most prominent were

(1) the morning after photo of Rocky passed out on the floor in his motel room in salt lake city surrounded by empty vodka bottles and his subsequent destruction of said hotel room after realizing he dropped 500 on the Michigan game Saturday
(2) When we got to Reno and Rocky pulled a grand out of his kerchief and threw it on the table to go gamble.

The whole thing had a very "Less than Zero" feel to it with Rocky playing the Robert Downey Jr. character...I think that means I played the jaime gertz character...darn...

In addition to listening to the audio books to Maculloh's John Adams' biography, the complete david Sedaris and a biographyon pistol pete maravich we also constructed the perfect mix tape...that we never executed.

Going Back to Cali - Notorious BIG
California Love - 2pac/Dre
California Sun - The Ramones (cover)
Dani California - Red hot Chili Peppers
Southern California - Wax
Hotel California - Gypsy Kings (cover)
California Stars - Wilco
California Waiting - Kings of Leon
California - Phantom Planet

Trıp Report - Turkey

Evıl

was a bıt sweaty by the tıme ı got ınto ınstanbul, ıt was a bıt warm on the plane but otherwıse a smooth flıght. my flıght from new york touched down just before the AY's flıght from london. we met at ınternatıonal baggage claım wıthout a hıtch. ıt's amazıng when plans come together.

we dıd varıous thıngs ın ınstanbul but the best part was goıng to a real turkısh bath. there's nothıng lıke beıng worked over (hard!) by an almost-naked turkısh man. amıdst many other almost naked men - turkısh and otherwıse. goıng ın, ı had no ıdea how turkısh baths work. ıt's a faırly complıcated socıal order ın there, ınvolvıng havıng to move from room to room and also knowıng how to sıgnal for when you want to be servıced and when you want to be left alone to steam.

the funnıest part - at least for me - was when ı came out of the massage room and has an obvıous look on my face of 'ı am semı naked and ı dont know where to go next.' the old guy runnıng the joınt caught hold ıf thıs ımmdıately. he poınted rıght at me at uttered what ı assume was 'YOU!' ın turkısh. then he poınted to an adjacent doorway and saıd, 'DOUCHE! DOUCHE! DOUCHE!' haha.

left ıstanbul earlıer today. took at 630am flıght down to cappadocıa and explored cave mosques and other cave dwellıngs all day. goıng to bed now. bye!

More Results

Looks like the world has spoken and Evil should going a life quest with xtian and his dad. I'm sure xTian's dad will really help Evil put it all in perspective. I mean look at xTian, he totally has it together...

It's a bit surprising that rolling with our newest contributor, Bruno, did not garner more support, as near as I can tell that dude has a lot to say about a lot of things...

Gone Fishing...

Evil

Hello, loving Hosers. I'll be heading out of town for a couple of weeks, so I probably wont be posting and commenting as much as usual. Try not to miss me too much.

Before I go, I thought I would add another poll question (VOTE!), since the current one is closing soon. Play nice while I'm gone... especially you, Bruno. BTW- where has Mamacita been? Can she post once in a while or what?