Evil

The snow storm kept me from getting back to New York this weekend, which was great because I stayed in the Bay Area an extra day and got to hang with X-TIAN at a party in SoMa. The party was in a packed lounge and it took all of 30 seconds for X-TIAN and EVIL to revive our two-man pickup routine from the mid-to-late 90's. Our act is not like The Eagles or The Rolling Stones, where the material stands up to the test of time. Come to think of it, I'm not sure that we got much success (err, ANY success) of out the act during its orginal run, but hey. I think we're much more like Whitesnake because as Saturday night proved yet again, when the team of X-TIAN and EVIL work a bar scene, things are sure to go down in flames.

The night's festivities started with me driving from South Bay up to the city. In amazing defiance of the odds, there were three accidents on US-101 between Mountain View and San Francisco and none of them involved ME! Bay area people are SO not tough, it's embarrassing. Granted, a torrential downpour left the roads wet and obsured some visibility, but bay area people just freak out and start crashing into medians. Crazy stuff. Being the tough Northeasterner that I am, I cruised up to the city unscathed, ready for an evening of partying or clownery, whichever came first.

I bop in to the lounge with my tall Chinese friend in tow. I have this theory that being seen with a spectacularly tall Chinese girl will bring me more cred when I work the scene, but somehow that hasn't panned out. We grab drinks and go look for a Giant Head in the crowd. That takes only a few seconds.

X-TIAN and I break into some banter that involves making fun of these two blonde girls who are right behind us. They get up and leave and throw disgusted glances in our direction. That's the old magic working right there. We haven't lost a thing, lemme tell you.

Basically, repeat the part about grabbing drinks and receiving disgusted looks and that pretty much sums up the evening. A good time was had by all!

By the way, I should mention that I almost got a bit of the ol' Sex that evening. Yes, it's true. The place was so packed that were it not for the fact that I was wearing pants, I'm pretty sure I would have scored. Sure, it would have been Sex via Incidental Contact, but hey, no one needs to get all technical on me. I did get rubbed by boobage from a dozen different girls, so that was cool too. Yes, I have the mentality of an 8th grader.

All in all, this makes me think that we should bring Team Rachel back together for the traditional President's Day weekend in Vegas. ("Traditional" meaning that we did it once and X-TIAN wasn't even there. HAH.) This time though, being older and wiser and because Mr. Shoulders and Kentaro make more money than they know what to do with, we will raise the stakes. I am proposing that we get our hands on some cocaine and hire a hooker so that Mr. Shoulders can re-enact the infamous scene from Gia where a coked-up hooker get punched in the stomach while trying to score her next fix. That's classic stuff. Real classic stuff.

Evil

FIGHTING THE WRONG FIGHTS

I have a bruise on my head. My left ribs are sore. I am fighting the wrong fights.

The car door did it to me. You see, I am in California this week and the lady at the car rental place gave me a brand new car. It's a less than dynamic Chevy Cavalier with all of 6 miles on it. The engine isn't quite broken in so the ride is not great, but I sort of expected that. What I didn't expect was that the doors would have super f'ing strong springy hinges. Or that each door weighs 67 pounds. Combine those two things and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I've been getting battered by a car door all week long. (For all you rocket scientists in the audience: we're talking a force of 1.69 x 10^9 Newtons. Yes, that's some serious shit.) This is what happens every time I try to get out of the car:

1. Evil shuts off car engine and swings door open.
2. Evil moves body (160 pounds) toward outside of car.
3. Car door (67 pounds) swings out and springs back in with amazing force.
4. Freak collision.

This is bad. I'm going to go cry now. Bye.

The Simple Life

Couple of points I came up with:
(1) Pretty, rich girls are pretty boring
(2) Ugly, rich girls are mind numbingly so
(3) Hicks, being poor, probably under-educated, and probably beaten by life, are just not funny
(4) Just because you go to Regis, doesn't mean you're smart. Evil, who went to Stuy, has probably believed this for quite some time.
(5) Paris like Jessica Simpson before her, is pretty dumb, but unlike JS, she is someone that's really easy to hate.
(6) Paris is really pretty but has an unattractive ass, because its so flat. She has a pretty face but man her legs are like bow-legged

I am thru watching until someone double teams a farm hand or a farm animal!

Evil

THANKSGIVING AND MY FAMILY (Part 2 of 2)

Over dinner, my dad and I had somewhat of an awkward conversation. Not that we were discussing an uncomfortable topic or anything… it's just that all our conversations are awkward. We are not a socially graceful crew. This reminds me of the time that I saw my dad hold his grandson (my nephew) for the first time. He looked so awkward that I thought to myself, "That man has never held a baby before." But then I realized that he had 3 kids himself and must have held at least one of us at least once, right?

When we do talk, my dad often surprises me with how much he actually knows or how utterly stupid he is. It's weird. There's usually no middle ground. He was at both ends of the spectrum over Thanksgiving dinner. It went something like this:

Dad: So how's your new job going?

Evil: It's good. Beats my last job by a lot.

Dad: What do you do there?

Evil: You know, sales.

Dad: You're selling advertising now?

Mind you, I work at a search engine company. I bet at least 99% of the people who have heard of it know it as a search engine company. Frankly, before I started working there, I hardly had a clue how they were making money. But for some reason, it appears that my dad is familiar with the company's business model. Crazy! Anyway, the conversation continues like this…

Evil: Well no. I don't personally sell anything. I work on sales strategy in general.

Dad: I see. Have you ever thought of getting a federal job?

Evil: What?

Dad: You know, work for the government. They're always looking for people to do networking or programming or whatever.

Now, what's this crap all about? I have a cushy sales strategy job at pre-IPO search engine company that's so hot it receives over 1000 resumes a day and my dad is suggesting that I try to get job coding HTML for the Housing and Urban Development website or something. As if we were still living in Confucian times (that's 500 BC to you westerners) and the most noble occupation in all of The Middle Kingdom is to serve as an official of the state.

All in all though, I'm glad I had Thanksgiving with family this year. In previous years, I've gone around telling people that I'm an orphan and guilt-tripping them into inviting me over for Thanksgiving dinner. Boy, I gotta say, those meals were great. But someone once told me, "You jackass, Thanksgiving is for family," He was right of course. Even though I had to spend time with my crazy uncles and my brilliant / retarded dad, I was glad I did it.

Evil

You know how sometimes you're drunk and you'll say a bunch of stuff that you don't really mean? Or you'll email someone a bunch of stuff and in the morning wish you hadn't? Well, I had that type of moment the other night. I hopped on Friendster and wrote a drunked Testimonial for our old friend, Columbia. You can check it out on the site, of you can just read below, you lazy ass.

Well well well, Columbia. Funny that we should run into each other here. You look good. Really, you do. It's been what, over 5 years now. Is that right? Wow, it's been that long. Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you're now #11 on U.S. News and World report for undergraduate universities. What ranking were you when we met, Columbia? Number 7 or 8 and headed for Top 5, wasn't that right? Anyway, who pays attention to those rankings? I still remember you fondly, Columbia... Like the night that I explored your tunnels for the first time. Wow, I was really drunk that night, but I recall that you not only took me, but 4 of my friends as well. I learned a lot when we were together. You know that. You know you made me a better person. You know that, right? Columbia, OK, I'll won't beat around the bush. I'll just say it: I want us to be together again. Think about that. How great would that be? Take me back, Columbia. Take me back for business school. Think about two more years together. It'll be like old times again, except that we'll both be a little smarter and wiser. I have more money now! More for you to take! C'mon, what do you say? Call me, Columbia. Better yet, send me a big, thick envelope and include all the details of our rekindled relationship. Write me soon!

Outdated Movie Review

I caught Jon Favreau's new movie, ELF today. Well, its not really that new at all...now is it. I got to admit, for a kiddie movie/hollywood fluff there was a lot there to stare at. The north pole scenes made me think of those old ass stop motion animation Christmas specials that they used to show on CBS when i was a kid and that took me back into all these childhood memories about Christmas. Like the time I bitched to my parents that they didn't even try that Santa Claus gag with me, and the next morning (like december 3rd) there was a gift from Santa under the tree. Or that time my mom took me to Toys-r-Us and asked me which toys I would like for christmas, promptly bought them all, wrapped them, threw them under the tree and handed them out to all my cousins on Christmas, while she handed me some socks or underwear...(f*** YOU, dude! I want Zartan!)

Where was I? Oh yeah, the movie! So what I liked. I liked Zoey Deschanel! She rocks. She is really attractive in a japanese anime kind of way. I like her being cynical and with a slouched back, in my wierd fantasies that's usually how she is. I liked the cameo by Amy Sedaris (sister of David) and the shout out to David Sedaris' book Santa Land Diaries , " Did Crumpet send you?". Nice, subtle. Well played. But what was not subtle and what saved the movie is Will Ferrell. I have decided that will be in my movie when i make it and he's going to play my brother. Damn that dude is great. Hah!

Evil

THANKSGIVING AND MY FAMILY (PART 1)

For the most part, my family doesn't eat together at the table anymore. It started years back -- I had just entered college at the time -- and my parents moved from Jackson Heights to Flushing. The new house had a dining room, but from the start my dad claimed it as his office space. Besides, with me leaving the house, my sister already in college, my dad with his erratic work schedule, it only made sense to use the dining room for something practical. On occasions when we did get together as a family, we would just eat scattered about the house and that seemed fine to everyone.

I mention this bit of history because I spent Thanksgiving with my parents and grandparents. My uncles, aunts, and cousins were there too. This was at my grandparents' house so they actually had a dining room table and as such, I sat down to a meal with family for the first time in quite a while. My dad made me sit next to him, which I guess was fine because it beats sitting next to any of my strange uncles.

We have this one uncle, Second Uncle, who was in the military for many years and fought on the front lines in Vietnam. We're all pretty sure that the experience made him somewhat crazy. He's unmarried, works in a factory, and has several gold teeth -- old school style. He likes to talk about "the war" and offer to break out the old black and white photos of him in his army uniform.

And then there's Third Uncle, but everyone calls him Fat Uncle because, well, because he's fat. My family is creative like that. But anyway, I try to avoid Fat Uncle as much as possible because he's always pestering me to mentor his son, who of course, is my cousin. My cousin is 2 years younger than me and has been trying to complete his undergraduate degree going on 7 years now. He's declared and undeclared majors in business management, American literature, and international relations. He lives in his parents' basement and emerges into the light only to play networked games on the PC. I mean really, what am I supposed to do for this kid?

Lastly, there's Fourth Uncle, but since he's the last, we call him Small Uncle. In his youth, Small Uncle dreamed of being the biggest pop star in all of Vietnam. He's 36 now and in some ways, he's still holding on to that dream. About once or twice a month, he'll work a gig at a Vietnamese wedding, doing the MC'ing and singing. Apparently (according to my dad), there's quite a demand for Small Uncle in the Vietnamese wedding circles. Who knew?

One time, my dad told me that Small Uncle has promised to sing at my wedding and my immediate reaction was to make this gesture of a noose going around my neck and snapping taut. My dad was so disappointed at my outright disrespect that he simply lowered his eyelids and shook his head. My mom caught hold of the entire exchange but she kept in the background, as she was nearly doubled over in laughter. My mom does a lot of that stuff -- hanging in the background and laughing at other people (mostly at family).

Part 2... coming soon.

Road Trip!!!

In a couple of hours, I will be leaving for O-Town, Orlando for those not familiar with the "Dirty South." I am going to be hanging out with my former roomate Bad Will Hunting and his brother (his fantasy baseball league team name was CreamOfSomeYoungThai).

I think we are ready to start scouring the Magic Kingdom for some boobage...I am ready to try one of those patented moves I read here in the blog a while back, you know, the one where you just grab the girls arm or something or other.

If you get a collect call from Orlando, please take the call. Its probably me calling for bail money because Minnie is pressing charges.

I just hope its not as lame as when Los Bros. Barrera invaded Miami.

Big Head / Little Big Head

Yo, are you guys going to be in town for Thanksgiving?...I have been meaning to pay a visit to that hot spot of Orlando's nightlife, what is it called? Oh yeah, Rachel's Steak and Gentlemen Club...Give me a call on my cell if you want to hang...

I just spent two hours editing video of myself conducting an interview with a Product Manager at a company called WindRiver (they do embedded systems).

First off, I am one ugly mofo...and apparently (according to the interview) I am also quite dumb asking inane questions, like Charlie Rose, only with a much poorer vocabulary.

Excuse me, I msut go drink...

Happy Thanksgiving!



[courtesy of www.ocfan.blogspot.com]

Xtian, your previous post is titled "morning wood" and the content refers to myself as well as Steve. Hmmm...which one of us does your subject line refer to? We don't know whether to be honored or worried. Actually, Steve is really hoping its about him. I don't want to have to food-fight him over your attention.

morning wood

I think i have found my soulmate and her name is Rina. Rina, check out my Friendster photos, I'm good stuff. I just have less time on my hands than Sleeve does.

BTW Sleeve, nice job with the photoshop. It would be funnier if you cropped out Paris' face and crop mine in...WTF???

I wholeheartedly agree with Xtian's rant concerning TV characters who just get too f**king lucky. Its screws up our youth.
Do you remember when Saved By the Bell's Zach - a moron who couldn't even think of clever schemes to avoid detention or that horny psycopath Screech- got a near perfect SAT score and was recruiruited by Harvard? Godamn Harvard, people. Zach Morris would not even be capable of handling ITT Tech.
I blame shows like this for scewing my vision of reality and contributing to my breakdown when I ate ding-dongs, watched the Nanny, and played foosball during senior year instead of studying and was then rejected by Harvard. "Zach got in - so why can't I?"
I'm so sick of situations working out for TV characters. Although I love them, I kind've want to see them suffer [is that normal?]

However, I disagree with you XTian concerning Kelly. I want to see more of 90210 Kelly Taylors -- pretty girls who get shot at, burned, robbed, abused, kidnapped, cheated on 18 times, in addition to getting drawn into a cult by lesbians [Dec. Season five]. Now that's refreshing and entertaining.

BRITNEY SPEARS PERFORMING ARTS FOUNDATION CAMP APPLICATION:


NAME: Rina [last name withheld by COB]
AGE: 21
LOCATION: 200 [street name withheld by COB], New York, NY
TALENT: Being just like Britney
DID YOU INCLUDE $25 APPLICATION FEE? Yes, and one of my favorite thongs as well

PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY YOU ARE QUALIFIED AND WANT TO JOIN CAMP BRITNEY:


When I first performed on Star Search, I remember losing to some Ku Klux Klan 10 -year old pimply shithead who sang Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." After he kicked me in the groin, infected me with Type 2 cooties, and stole my candy machine money, I held my arm out to heaven and swore as God as my witness, I'll never let white trash win again. To me, that's what Britney embodies - not letting trash like Christina Aguilera or Willa Ford prevail in the radio-airwave battle for pop music icons. Over the past years, I’ve studied and emulated Britney's strategic moves: pigtails, wearing slutty clothing while claiming to be wholesome, lying about my sexual history, dancing erotically, dating a gay pop singer, and kissing older women.


I've taken numerous belly-dancing and stripper dance classes at New York’s esteemed Baby Doll Gentlemen’s Club in addition to training with zoo snakes and sea lions in preparation for my future MTV VMA skanky dance performance. Whenever I wrap a baby seal around my shoulders and swing my hips back in forth while singing "I'm a Slave For You," I can strongly feel the presence of Britney's spirit. I think of how Britney overcame her leg injury and gathered the courage to pose virtually topless in Esquire and it gives me the strength to venture sans-bra to the corner supermarket to pick up some Campbell's canned tomato soup. I understand the incredible impact Britney has on my generation and I want to join the forces of Britney's PR campaign to help transform more young pre-pubescent girls into her hot-ass image.



At Camp Britney, I intend to express my singing and acting talents and hopefully pick up a nasally Southern drawl - just like my BritBrit. In addition to performing in my 2nd grade "Hanukkah Maccabe spectacular," I also hum the Beverly Hills 90210 theme every time I drive in L.A. and know all 23 Old Navy commercial jingles by heart. In addition, I have recorded, on my Hello Kitty personal tape recorder, my very own version of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" called "Brit's got a rack"

I hope you will consider me as a candidate for Camp Britney as I look forward to spreading the gospel of Pop's Princess to those less fortunate without MTV or Access Hollywood.
I can't wait to have naked pillowfights and roast nuts Brit! See you soon!
XOXO,
Rina

TV Educations

Had a pretty long breakfast conversatin about Party of Five this morning with one of my roommates. After a while we realized that neither one of us remembered anything about season 6. Although I do recall a lot about the ill-fated, Time of Your Life spin off that featured Jennifer Love Hewitt's character.

Anyway, interest pequed I hit TvTome to figure out what fate befell the poor Salinger family, kids that could never catch a break.

Apparently, Julia wrote a book (the hell? wasn;t she like a stripper? and what about Griffen? Was he still working as a grease monkey?)
Charlie married Kirstin (i guess it stuck that time)
Claudia went to Stanford (over Julliard...weren't these kids left orphan?? are they actually the descedants of JD Salinger?)
Here's the kicker....freaking Baily, useless quiter, boozer baily who managed to flunk out of San Fran Community State College (or was it Pen.) somehow moved to Philly to attend the Wharton School of Business????

The hell??? that's bullsh*t. In a rage, I checked with Scooter about this. He was amused and confused as well, but also pointed out that 90210 ended with boozer, coke head, cultist, Kelly leaving the zip code we all don't know but love for the warm embrace of morningside heights, to attend Grad school AT COLUMBIA!!!

Are you kidding me?
Are there any other shows where characters get cut a break on the season finale just so no one has to worry about them anymore? what a cop out! write me if you can think of another one...

See that's what made Buffy the Vampire Slayer a superior show, most characters (Zandar, Cordelia) didn't even get into college (freaking Oz got held back!!!) and those that did (Buffy and Willow) quickly flunked out admist a wave of slaying, lesbianism, S&M and addiction....that's reality (well except the vampires maybe)

A Man of Limited means and talent...

can still put it on Big Dog style when he needs to.



Fill in your own backstory. Here's mine:

His suit looks sharp, but its bargain basement from a Ralph Lauren Outlet store. It was one of those rare finds. You know how it goes at the Outlets, you walk from rack to rack, sticking your hand in there and fishing about, bogarting every old lady within 5 ft of you. Most times you come empty handed, every once in a while you find a sharp pinstripe suit and somehow run out with it. The shirt looks decent too, except our hero neglects to tell anyone its a Today's Man knock off of a far more expensive shirt. The cigar is of the low end on a good brand.

The whole look costs 200 bucks at most....what a posuer

While we're on the subject, why are his eyes closed? Like I said, posuer...

Green Hue

I had a dream last night, it was The Chad throwing a slant to Santana and then doing a fade to the back of the endzone to this guy.

Evil
Yo X-TIAN... stop hating women. Who are you, Mr. Shoulders?

Fighting Crime


What's her super hero name?
Dirty Ho?

Evil

A conversation between Bill Singer (Mets special assistant) and Kim Ng (Dodgers assistant general manager), according to the New York Times:

Singer -- "What are you doing here?"

Ng -- "I'm working."

Singer -- "What are you doing here?"

Ng -- "I'm working. I'm the Dodger assistant general manager."

Singer -- "Where are you from?"

Ng -- "I was born in Indiana and grew up in New York."

Singer -- "Where are you from?"

Ng -- "My family's from China."

Singer -- Nonsensically mock Chinese, then "What country in China?"

Dude! That is sooo right out of second grade. People need to grow up. Besides, is Bill Singer gay or what? (Personally, I think the entire Mets organization is gay, but that's another topic altogether...) Kim Ng is a 31 year old chick who's assistant GM of the Dodgers. When she was 29, she was assistant GM of the Yankees. That chick sounds like a winner. If I ever met her, I'd be busy trying to hitch my wagon to her star instead of making fun of her.

Kim Ng, if you're reading this: email me or link up on Friendster, yo!

A Decade of Deviance...10 years of Hard Ons


There's a new No Doubt CD coming out, well a compilation of their hits actually,The Singles, 1992-2003 and its been 10 years of me wanting to bang Gwen Stefani! The compilation has all those songs you pretend you don't like but can't get out of your head and includes a new track, well a cover of It's my Life, a Talk Talk song from the early 80s that even a 9 year old X-Tian could not get out of his gigantic head. I visualize myself wearing karate shoes for no reason and a preposterously tight shirt singing along. Then I started thinking back on the decade and got back to the first time I realized Gwen was like the hottest chick ever! It was the Don't Speak video. Granted it was not their first video, but it was the first time i was like "damn, i wanna bang this chick" I was living with Weber on Riverside drive and it was the first time in my life I had cable. DAMN! This continued on till I read somewhere that she and Gavin Rosedale liked having sex to my favorite At The Drive In CD, Relationship of Command. After that, my love only grew stronger! And now even at the age of 34, I swear to god, I think she looks even better.

Annecdotal Evidence

Messr. Evil is speaking entirely from second sources on this whole B School Busines. But as someone who is living it, I must agree wholeheartedly. In Haasweek (home of the Hustle, published weekly!) at the beginning of the year there were over 2 pages full of wedding photos. Everyone in site with a rack to speak of was getting married. Now Haas, is an interesting scenario because there are not a lot of women here, but the women in general lean towards the attractive (well, far more so than Columbia Engineering did, with the possible of exception fo sexpot Janice...and maybe the short friend, on a very good day) The one thing that blows you away though, is the first week, you're walking around eager to make a pitch, and bam! you get poked in the eye with an engagement ring. Some of these things are so big, I expect Chad Pennington himself, to line up, take the snap and throw these things 15 yds. Its all about insecurity. Its like the dude is sitting there playing his playstion one day peaks up and realizes his GF is leafing through B School apps. One thought races through the mind.

"Holy Sh*t, this girl could meet and marry a banker at any moment!"

Next thing you know, the dude is overcompensating for his penis size with an engagement ring! Ladies, if you are at the point where its "shit or get off the pot" time with you man, just request some b school apps from Kellogg, Columbia and Wharton (and of course Haas...GO BEARS!) and just leave them around. Quickest way to close the deal I ever heard of.

Of course, if the lady does accept your work doesn't end there. My friend just started school and I dunno what her man is waiting on, but he has not produced the ring yet. Something about "the moment" or some crap. Dude, hurry up, there's a line forming yo! I mean sh*t I'm running around here hitting on everything in site, engaged chicks, single chicks, lesbians...(so sad)

On the ROI issue, its a good question, at least these Google chicks are going to generate some cash. Sounds great. These B School chicks are just racking up debt...debt and potential suitors for when you screw up. It's a loose loose situation. Fellas, think twice!

Evil

IPO FEVER

I've been at my new job for three weeks now and one thing is clear: IPO Fever is in the air. Now, all this IPO talk is pure speculation (and sooo 1999 at that), but a lot of people are really into it. Specifically, the boyfriends of females in the company.

Since I started work there, I've noticed a rash of marriage proposals. Every Monday, multiple chicks come in to the office wearing huge rings and bigger smiles. Clearly, their boyfriends are locking them up before the big IPO.

I guess it's like buying options on a stock. You don't actually own the stock (that would be marriage), but you own the option to buy. I think the boyfriends are making a smart play here, for several reasons:

For one thing, once a chick knows she's getting married, she starts working out like a maniac. Gotta look stunning in that wedding dress right? If you ask me, that's just an excuse for being vain. But hey, what man doesn't want his girl to lose a little chub off her thighs?

Secondly, the engagement ties her up until IPO time. If the IPO goes well, then marriage is obvious. If the IPO bombs, then... no commitments right? Isn't that what engagement is all about? Seeing if things will work out BEFORE getting married?

This situation in general also reminds me of dudes who propose to their girlfriends who are about to enter bschool. I mean, because everyone knows that bschool is a sausage factory and any girl who is unattached going in will surely have sausages waving at her face. I'd just like to point out that while the pre-IPO proposal is a good play, the pre-bschool proposal is risky at best. It's not like buying options. It's more like a venture capital investment. That stuff is so early stage, it's really hard to predict how things are going to turn out. But more importantly, remember the "capital" in venture capital. While your girl is back in school, guess who's paying for her Louis Vuitton handbag and other junk of the next two years? Yes, you! The VC game isn't for everyone, kiddies. How many John Doerr's are out there?

By the way, if there are any chicks out there reading this, I'm sure you've noticed that I'm quite the sensitive and caring guy. And oh, I'm pre-IPO!!! Drop me and email and a picture. You don't have to be naked in the picture, but it's preferable because if you're not, I'm just going to assume that you have bad stretch marks.

Here is an excerpt from next week's edition of the Hustle (appearing weekly in HaasWeek)

You know it’s bad when you can’t see.

Here I was sitting in this air-conditioned cab wondering where exactly this cab driver was taking me, becoming more and more convinced that he was more interested in taking me on a tour of Ft Lauderdale rather getting me back to my hotel in a timely fashion.

My excuse is the drinking. Somewhere between being sober and being drunk I’m just paranoid. As he sits there telling me stories about Nigeria and driving at his own pace, my mind is racing. Trying to figure out if I had seen any of this strip the night before or if I was anywhere near my hotel. At one point he slows down looking for my hotel in an area that I KNOW is not my hotel. That’s it. Party over.

“Let me out here”

“Sir, its no safe here”

“Shut up, pull over and let me out. You don’t know where I’m even going.”

“Sir I go to the address I gave you…”

This goes on for another block; I shove some bills at him and tell him to [expletive] off. This goes on back and forth for a minute as I get out of the car. The second I do the humidity in the air causes condensation to form on my glasses and they mist up something awful.

Like I said, you know it’s bad when you can’t see.

Anyway, now I am just pissed off and he drives away I drive home the meaning of my hand gestures with a series of disparaging comments about the Nigerian National futbol team.

As I wipe my glasses I evaluate the situation, I have no idea where I am and start walking. I dial 411 and narrow down what hotel I am staying at and get some directions. Apparently, the cab driver did sort of know where he was going, I just have 10 more blocks to go. En route, I interrupt a drug bust to ask the police officer if I am heading the right way.

I survey the detainee and ask him if he’s Haitian, the cop seems more than a little bothered by the fact that some possibly drunk dude who has managed to sweat straight through a wool suit is interrupting his bust. I tell the cat to “stay strong” and bop off towards to my hotel.

To read more, Please visit my site after Friday.

Evil

Today, I spent two solid hours sitting in on a conference call where people were throwing out issues left and right and nothing was getting done. It was the best two hours I've spent in a long time. Possibly, the best two hours ever! Let me explain...

I was in a conference room, the long-ass kind, where they put the long-ass table. You know, like a 20-foot table or something. The conference room has a row of windows that look out onto a skinny little hallway. The only reason why anyone would be in the skinny hallway is to get to the women's bathroom. During the entire conference call, I was looking into the hallway, but I couldn't see everything... because the window shades were pulled half-way down to make the room dark for the projector. As a result, all I could see was a little 18-inch sliver that extends from a normal person's waist up to that person's shoulders.

Is this all coming together? I spent the entire two hour call watching an endless parade of breasts saunter past the window. Breasts and breasts only. No head. No legs. Just jugs. Some great ones at that.

Having seen all this, I now realize what a tool I was to spend the last 3+ years of my life in the telecom industry. I should have been in the advertising industry all along. What scenery. Damn.

Evil
I saw on the news today that the unemployment rate dropped by 6% last month, which is pretty great news I think. The indicators are pointing toward an economic recovery. And even though I'm typically skeptical about these things, something happened last week to finally convince me.

I caught Sleave on IM and asked him is Falling Apart Index. Sleave reports that he's at 90. Then I caught X-TIAN, who reported that he's at a whopping 101 on the Index. Dude, X-TIAN is literally off the scale. I would have figured that living in a loser state like California (crazy Governor, out of control fires, the Oakland Raiders, etc.) would automatically knock 5 points off your FA Index, but apparently not. Pretty amazing stuff.

Then I thought about myself. As much as I like to claim that I'm falling apart, it's been a pretty good few weeks. For one thing, I'm part of the 6% who no longer wake up at noon and spend the day scratching our collective balls. That was fun the first 3 or 4 months, but you can only scratch so much before developing some bruising. Really. Take my word for it.

The other thing is that I actually managed to do that marathon thing last week. I don't really know why I decided to do it in the first place. I mean, I'm the type of person who won't get off the couch to pick up the remote control if I've knocked it to the floor. Instead, I'll try to change the channels with my toes. I've gotten decently good at it, actually. But anyway, now that the marathon is done with, I can do things that I enjoy, like resume my alcoholism. Boy, I really miss sitting on my living room floor on a Saturday night and popping open cans and cans of Natty Lights. Strictly a class operation.

So if you're watching Moneyline with Lou Dobbs and he throws a bunch of economic indicators your way, take all that stuff with a grain of salt. If you really want to know where the economy is headed, ask Sleave, X-TIAN, and me for the current FA Index measurements. (For the record, I am at 85.)

Evil
Every once in a while, people will insinuate that I'm a bad person. I hate that. You be the judge... this conversation took place recently, the night before the NYC Marathon:

Frog: It says here that the wheelchair record for the marathon is one hour something.
Evil: Big f'ing deal. Those guys don't need to do any work on the downhill. They get half the race for free!
Frog: I'm sure they'd trade that in for the use of their legs.
Evil: Oh.

Gay Cruise???

So I just recently spent a few days in the Caribbean, and boy oh boy, are my arms tired! (rim shot)…

Anyways, I was on a 10 day cruise through the Bahamas, Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands. Good times, good times!!!

And no Mr. Evil, it was not a gay cruise!!!

A few general warnings though for anyone thinking of taking a cruise…

1) Make sure you hit the gym before taking a cruise…I don’t mean you need to be all Adonis like but it’s a fact that you will gain 15-20 pounds when everything is said and over. There is food left and right and you really never stop eating. I think I hit my low point when I took my pent-up aggression against the French and their lack of support for the war in Iraq by eating all by myself a 4 feet tall chocolate Eiffel Tower...(picture to come later).

2) Do not talk to old ladies…As we were leaving port one day, we were buffeted by huge gusts of wind. Anyways, there was this old woman holding on to her hat for dear life which meant that her flower dress was flapping in the winds, and yes, she had no underwear on. I assume she didn’t know what kind of show she was putting on so I politely informed her of the fact. She resentfully turned to me and stated “Listen SONNY, this is a new hat and I am not letting it go. What I have down there is 82 years old and if you or anybody else on this boat gets off by staring at my 82 year-old pu$$&, there is really nothing I can do about it."

3) Please be aware that any mirrors you see are two-way mirrors and is a good indication of where the security office is. After 9/11, they take security very seriously. If you see a door marked “Crew”, do not feel inclined to walk in looking for the crew’s night club/bar. Otherwise, you will find yourself behind one of the aforementioned two-way mirrors watching people pick their nose…

4) And finally, at no point ask a crew member when the next chimp knife fights or the bullfights are going to start…They don’t really get to watch the Simpsons that often on TV and don’t find it funny as you or I….


Yankee Fan in South Florida

The last week or so have been really tough for this Yankee fan…I am still shell shocked that the Yankees lost…I will be honest and tell you that I didn’t mind it Saturday night that much. Perhaps it was because the loss was still too fresh or that the good people of South Beach decided to strip and run naked down Ocean Drive…

I was really upset this past Tuesday though as I had to constantly waltz past all these new found Marlins fans. The Marlins have fans coming out of the woodworks like little cockroaches… I will bury them cockroaches...

With the possible exception of Venezuela who fields a baseball team during the winter league season, I am especially upset at the South Americans…Freaking Ecuadorians and Colombians and Peruvians and Brazilians walking around Calle Ocho waving their flags like they won the World Cup or something. Xtian, you were in Brazil this summer…did you see any kids playing baseball in the means streets of Rio de Janeiro???

I doubt it very much...

Evil
I really can't think of a gayer thing for X-TIAN and SLEEVE to do than to think about me spanking my monkey. In any event, do need clarification on one thing X-TIAN posted:

Evil has been abstaining from not masturbating for about 10 years.

Did you mean to have that "not" in there? Because I don't really understand what you're trying to say.

On an unrelated note... the NYC Marathon is this Sunday. I'm considering fasting from now until then just to clear up my entire intestinal tract. I don't want any weird accidents at mile #22 or whatnot.

Evil has been abstaining from not masturbating for about 10 years. I know for reasons I would rather not get into right now.

Evil does have a good point though, Jane Campion's new film In the Cut apparently stars Meg Ryan's feet not Meg Ryan as the trailer would lead you to believe...kinky.

Additionally, American Psycho was directed by Mary Herron and I can't think of a more erotic movie from the last ten years...

Evil
OUTDATED MOVIE REVIEW

I caught Sofia Coppola's film --Lost in Translation-- over the weekend. The movie posters show Bill Murray sitting on a bed. He's wearing a robe and bath slippers. Someone really missed the boat on marketing this film. The female lead, Scarlett Johansson is a HOT piece of ass. And I mean that literally. The film opens with an tight shot of her tight ass in see-thru panties. A good 60 seconds of ass camera work.

The thing about this movie is that I had a hell of a time keeping my hands out of my pants. Not only that, I had to really fight off the urge to give myself a happy ending right there in the theater. Hey, it's dark right? But anyway, I'm pretty sure this has something to do with female directors. They pace a movie differently than male directors. They build up tension very differently. I felt very manipulated (emotionally, that is) several times during the movie, including at the end. The tension of this movie reminds me of The Piano, which was directed by Jane Campion. The cinematography couldn't be more different between the two but the emotional ebb and flows are the same. Hey, I worked in the word "flow" while discussing a female issue. Woooo!

Anyway, all this analysis makes me want to do something pants-less. Please excuse me. Laters...

Evil
I was doing a sales call with some creatives at Fox yesterday. Weird meeting. I was trying to sell them stuff, but they had a completely different agenda. This chick at Fox couldn't stop hyping up The OC Blog. C'mon, lady. There are starving children in the world. Half the world has a serious AIDS problem. The Middle East is a powderkeg.

Oh, by the way... please buy the stuff I'm trying to sell. Dammit.

Evil

[Editor's note: this is f*cking Hilarious..what is Evil doing on the Mets Website? Isn't it a little early for him to jump off the Yankee Bandwagon.]

So I looooooooooooooove Spike Jonze videos, they are pretty cool and disturbing...
Check it out...
The Work of Director Spike Jonze

I am ready to be addicted.
Born Rich

Evil

BASEBALL RECAP

The Yankees couldn't manage to score more than 0 runs last night? That reminds me of Winter 2002, when I couldn't manage to roll out of bed anytime before 11:30am. Rough patch. That's what happened to the Yankees.

Joe Torre should have called on me to pinch hit. I could have driven in a run or two. I'm sorry to disappoint everyone who was looking for me to get in the game. Actually, I was also surprised that X-TIAN didn't get any game action for the Marlins, seeing as he's a flexible switch hitter and all. (Yes, X-TIAN plays for the other team.)

Oh well. Whatever. The Yankees will re-sign Paul O'Neill and everything will be alright again.

Evil
Holy smokes! Dammit. I think X-TIAN framed me in the post below. Yes, that IM log was Verbatim... but somehow I come off looking like the angry tool. WTF?

evil: dude
evil: you have a lot of anger
evil: do you need to go punch a hooker in the stomach
evil: i think you do
evil: why dont you drive over to oakland and find a hooker who's down on her luck
evil: give her a lincoln and punch her in the gut
x-tian: lincoln?
evil: $5
x-tian: oh
x-tian: i thought you meant like a navigator
evil: oh
evil: if you had a navigator, you could drive over her
evil: and then laugh
evil: yo, whats with the anger
x-tian: true
x-tian: i wish i knew
evil: nothing a plate of hot wings and 6 beers couldnt fix
x-tian: good point

Evil
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A Japanese businessman who was ordered to stay away from Britney Spears sued the pop star in Los Angeles federal court on Thursday, accusing her security guards of brandishing a gun at him and causing "extreme emotional distress."

A "Japanese businessman" eh? Hmmm...

HEH! Fun article on the Coach, Bill Parcells

ESPN.com - NFL - Garber: Real or not?

Evil

Seriously procrastinating here... I've got 6 more days to wrap up this business school application but I can't seem to overcome this desire to sit around shirtless and scratch my belly. I think I'm channeling some Jack Black. That guy is my new hero maybe. He's like the poor man's Robert Downey Jr. Super talented, minus the heroine.

Has anyone been watching the World Series? I've watched mostly with my pants off and even then it wasn't that exciting. Last night I found myself flipping thru the channels and watching The Bachelor during commercial breaks. This season's Bachelor is somewhat interesting because the bachelor is a Former Fat Guy. He's all self-deprecating and stuff. He's the type of guy who gets his wallet lifted in the subway and then spends a good 30 minutes verbally berating himself in public.

Wait, I was commenting about the World Series. Yes... Has anyone noticed the complexity of Ugeth Urbina's facial hair? There's no way that guy isn't a fruitcake. (Sleeve, I checked the MLB.com photo gallery for a recent pic of Urbina but couldn't find one. What's up with that?!)

Someone in the apartment below me is playing the tuba. Who even plays a tuba anymore? This person isn't actually playing anything with a melody, just a bunch of scales. Over and over. This might drive me insane pretty soon.

damn, we lost another one today...f*ck John Ritter, this dude was the real...

Herald.com - Your Miami Everything Guide

Elliot Smith is dead!!! NOOOOOOOO
love Elliot Smith, damn...might have to go play Baby Britain when i get home tonight....

Songwriter Elliott Smith Is Dead at 34: "Smith subsequently signed with DreamWorks Records and recorded two albums; ``XO'' (1998) and ``Figure 8'' (2000) continued his critical winning streak, and took him to the middle reaches of Billboard's Top 200 albums chart."

Murder on the Dance Floor
There is this FREAKING AWESOME RADIO STATION in the Bay Area, 92.7 Party!! that one of my friends put me onto recently. Its so great. They don't seem to have a website so you can't stream which is odd. Even odder, they don't seem to play ads, just killer dance music. The old Party 95.5 in Orlando was like that but then they just started playing hip-hop...which makes no sense to me, becuase i mean seriously, its not like hip-hop is all over the top 10 Billboard charts or anything (oh um...right)

Evil

RANDOM THOUGHTS WHILE HAVING MY MORNING COFFEE

One. Obligatory comment about last night's baseball game: Thank goodness I don't have to watch the Red Sox anymore. I developed OCD somewhere around game 3 and I'm hoping it'll wear off at some point. What's with Nomar's insane wrist tapping between every pitch? I dunno, but I find it very addictive. Every time he comes to the plate, I find myself tapping my own wrists just like he does. I was driving myself insane.

Two. Why are my people putzing around in space? I get ragged on because I use the phrase "That's my bag, baby!" at least once a day and Austin Powers is a 6 year old movie. Sending people into space is so JFK-esque, but then again, all of China's political leaders are the same age as what JFK would be today. If you ask me, China should allocate 100% of its scientific resources toward genetically engineering more Yao Ming's. How much would that rock. I'm pretty sure that Yao himself is genetically engineered but he's just a prototype. The production model is expected to feature: better peripheral vision for passing, greater overall athleticism, and a suave British accent.

Three. I used to think that the high school I went to, Stuyvesant HS in New York City, was for smart kids. That's what they kept telling us. After reading this article in the New York Times, I've determined that I went to a clown high school. Some outtakes from the article:

At Stuyvesant High School, the tales are similar. "Someone brought in a universal remote and walked through the halls turning on all the TV's in classrooms," one Stuyvesant junior said. ... another added that her friend often used a minilaser pointer to put a moving red dot on the teacher's backside whenever he turned away from the class.

C'mon now. Next thing you know, kids are going to be pelting their classmates in the back of the head with Skittles.

Collection of Columns from the School Paper

I have been writing a weekly column about my job search in the school paper, Haasweek. Its pretty low stress i turn something in sometime thursday and it gets published after the language gets cleaned up a bit. Apparently my school paper allows all sorts of curse words to be published. Who knew.

Since the website for haasweek has not been updated since April, I have taken to posting unedited (as in unedited for grammar and misspelling erros) versions here.

All good in the 'hood?

For long time friends, you know i used to have a kick ass apt in Washington Heights.

I basically treat it as my adopted neighborhood mostly because I hated most people that lived in Yorkville or Astoria (except for the roommates of course, One love, guys!)

Joe Lavin is sort of my spiritual mentor

I have been reading Joe Lavin's stuff for a long time. He's great because he's so freaking funny but does not seem to make any money off his genius. He apparently has written a book, which he might publish himself, at kinkos, on an order by order basis. Anyway, he's awesome and he's prolific and he writes and he has a website here.

Really, if he's not a father for the principles behind blogging, he's definitely the dirty uncle that showed that showed it porn and taught it about picking up girls.

KIll Chris



Dude I dug this movie something aweful. Every once in a while, I go watch a movie and think the guy is making it just for me. I had that feeling in this movie.

From the opening with the "Old Klingon Proverb" (which is not actually an old Klingon Proverb it comes from Pierre Ambroise Francois Choderios de LaClos (1741-1803). He originally said it in French in his 1782 book Les Liasons Dangereuses (translates to english- Dangerous Liasons))

To the Anime "origin story" of Lucy Lui's character

To the very cool homages to Spagetti westerns, old Kung Fu movies and even the Matrix (kinda...see picture above)

Plus its about Chicks who kick ass, which if you read my friendster entry is what i am all about.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Evil
I am sweating BBQ sauce from my pores. I think I am self-defeating. I ran 20 miles today. Then came home. Called up Dallas BBQ. Hello. Delivery please. Ribs and Chicken combo. Dark meat, please. Umm, I'll go with the fries. And a half order of Hot Wings. How long? Ok, cool. Thanks.

I also get corn bread with the order. The corn bread from Dallas BBQ rocks.

What now? Not sure. Passing out...

Felt like sharing...

In case you were wondering if I made my summer up, check this out.


While, we're on the subject, Shout to to Keith (aka K-Banger), who I have known forever (well, since i was 5) if you're in the tri-state area check out his show.

While we're on that subject, heh!

ZIM



The way i see it, you gotta toss 1 red sox...maybe manny for rushing a pitch that was no where near his head and then also toss Zim for trying to sucker punch the other team's starting pitcher. I would probably ban Zimmer from the series.

Evil
Being that I might be the only Asian around here, it's possible that no one else would find this amusing, but hey, I'm all about me. Check out this funny quote from a female pro golfer:

In the course of answering Kessler's questions about the LPGA's marketing problems, Stephenson said: "This is probably going to get me in trouble, but the Asians are killing our tour. Absolutely killing it. Their lack of emotion, their refusal to speak English when they can speak English. They rarely speak. (Full article.)

The lack of emotion part is especially funny because that's essentially Kentaro, aka The Machine, aka KenTak3. Woooo!

Evil
WOW!

COWBOY UP, YO
Pedro is truth!


Anybody else pumped about Kill Bill?

Wednesday I was at Bar of the Week with a bunch of classmates. Normally, I sit these things out because I would much rather, sit around, watch Angel and dwell on some classic thought (Kant, St. Augustine...you name it)
But I had run into a first year who was a friend of mine from before when we worked together. She claimed to have never gone to a BOW. I felt obligated to correct that so I dragged her along as I made my presence felt.
Immediately i gravitated towards the TV. Pedro was done after 135 pitches. Someone from New England looked at me judgingly and asked me where my alligences lay. I thought about it for a second...

Because I am a Mets fan
I hate the Yankees
Because I hate the Yankees
I like to see the Yankees loose.
There are lots of Yankee haters in Boston
I like rooting for Manny and Pedro for reasons I have never really figured out
I live in the East Bay about 5 minutes from where the As play
I am rooting for the Red Sox over the As?

Yeah I'm not sure why either. F****ing Yankees!

Generic East Bay Plan #1

My saturday drifted dangerously towards Swingers territory.

I was on a panel in the early morning so most of my day was shot. I spent a ridiculous amount of the afternoon drifting from my bed to the couch and back finding new ways to fall asleep. I managed to sleep thru most of A's vs Red Sox Game
(go sox?!?!?!)

Just as Trot Nixon hit the game winning homerun a friend of mine showed up. I never asked but I imagined his girlfriend was out of town and that's why he was coming through. He was kicking himself for coming between innings. i was kicking myself for sleeping through it . I was also trying to find some lucidity. He asked who hit it, looking at the screen I said "Mueller, no...Miller...Varitek?"

"Oh, Trot Nixon...huh?"

He, one of my roommates and I decided we would come up with a plan for the evening as I basked in the glow of a Red Sox win and wondered if Pedro would pitch again.

We ended up at Le Cheval for dinner and sat around and stared at two distinct groups of people. Since Le Cheval is upscale Vietnamese, its mostly upscale east bay asians. however, in the mix were a crowd of single, six ft tall white women. My roommate found it strange and sad, in a way that a table of 3 single upscale males eating dinner together is also strange. Additionally there was a couple there where a woman had her entire arm adorned with a huge elaborate tatoo.

After dinner we swung over the Lucky Lounge which at best looks like a swinging singles joint from the seventies and at worst looks like a dive with ratty couches.

Me in the 97 Jetta parked in between an A8 and a Lamborgini.

We walked in and stood around trying to attract attention.

Eventually the same two crowds of people that we had spied at Le Cheval showed up. Biker Chick and the Lonely Hearts Club invaded the Lucky Lounge to over pay for drinks and pretend they live in NY.

Was this the generic East Bay plan? Apparently...who knew...good thing i live close to the city.

if you're like me you wonder what the hell you are doing watching Newlyweds Nick & Jessica when it comes on.
There is a pretty interesting article available here.

If you're not at all like me you probably aren't watching it and don't care.

Evil
Yo Manolo, whatup man? I thought you had love for me. What's going on?

Anyhoo... As most of you know, I'm planning to run the NYC Marathon, which is about a month from now. But did you also know that P. Diddy is also doing it? Yes, kiddies. Check out his website (not to mention the wack domain name).

Apparently, he's been training for... 3 weeks! I don't care WHAT Jimmy The Greek says. I better not finish behind anyone who's been training for only 3 weeks.

What else?

Hmmm... well, I just got back from Cambridge. Visited Sloan all day Tuesday and HBS all day Wednesday. Here's what I learned while visiting business schools:

1. The stupidest looking person at the info session always asks the stupidest question.

2. Someone who has been accused of being a bad driver and also having no direction sense really has no business driving around Boston.

3. Errr...

Okay fine. I didn't learn a lot. What do you want from me?

hehe

Pedro

Pedro vs. Hudson Tonight!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A little bit of truth. The only pitcher I can bear to watch on TV is Pedro Martinez. He throws a compelling 1-0 game. The only two non playoff games I have sat through on TV in the last 4 years is Pedro vs the Yanks.

Dear Hose,

Long time reader, 3rd time posting....What has happened? When did this blogspot became Evil's blogspot...my god, hardly anybody else writes and all he does is rant about something or other....Doesn't he have anything else to do? Doesn't he have like a job or something? Oh wait....

Anyways, even if Friends its a foreign concept or if you feel uncomfortable watching Will & Grace for whatever Metrosexual reasons you may have, I implore everybody to start watching Coupling on NBC. Rena Sofer is freaking hot and I can't keep popping my "Keeping the Faith" DVD just to see her in action...



Hey Xtian...you remember rushing to Astoria to catch "Ed" on Wednesday nights...yeah yeah!!!

Perfect Gentlemen

Back in Winter of 2001 I was living in Astoria with Manolo and Bad Will Hunting. On ocassion one of Manolo's pimpalicious friends would show up and drag us with him to Flashdancers. Manolo went far more often than I did, a fact I discovered only after I accidently thought his credit card bill was mine.

Anywho, going to FDs is kind of a slippery slope. Once you start its kind of hard to stop and it becomes the fall back plan for any night that is shaping up to be pretty lame.
Manolo and I had this running joke

10pm (any night of the week)

Me: what are you up to?

Manolo: I dunno. what are you up to?

Me: Nothing. That's why I was wondering what you were up to

Manolo: Nah,man not me. I got nothing.

Then we would book for the door and try to hail a cab and hit FDs. In our defense we probably only got out the door, maybe 2-3 times. But the other 20 times we both knew we wanted to go but neither of us wanted to be the one actually responsbile for spendig all that money.

But like I admitted earlier. We went and pretty often. Besides, for us Astoria types it was really easy. you're in a cab, you're going to midtown anyway because that's where the 59th St Bridge (Queensbridge for y'all who know) is and you know, its a quick right instead of a quick left and BAM! boobage!

These days, 2.5 years later, I am seeing similarly disturbing patterns emerging.
I'm just minding my own, when i hear a few clowns doing a quick exchange:

"New Century?"

"New Century."

(Cut to the Batmoble)
Not that I am actively participating in it. In fact at this point in my life I might be disgusted with the whole scene or maybe just the place that some friends of mine like to go to. I have only been once. When you enter you are given a large fountain cup and when you walk into the joint there is a fountain machine, where you can drink as much HiC or Coke as you want. CLASSY! I have only been once but these cats are rolling over there on the regular. Bit much for my tastes.

As Mr. Shoulders used to say whenever he swung through FDs
"I'll take the Go-Go-Rama on rt 35 any day!"

Evil
SLEEVE: I know you posted this one!

Evil
Hey yo. I haven't been around. Just got back from a detox center in Florida. I did happen to catch the California debate on JetBlue last nite tho. I think it's officially over for California. When is Bill Clinton going to step in and save the day?

What else?

Oh, after living most of my life in New York, I spotted a celebrity for the first time last week. I was going in to a meeting at 1440 Broadway and saw P. Diddy at the elevator banks. He was dishing out a bunch of demands to his crew. I tried to get in to the same elevator car as him, but these two goons were not going to have any of it. (Turns out that the Sean John offices are in 1440 Broadway, but that's not why I was there.)

What else?

Kentaro has been very quiet lately. What's going on? Has Ken been putting in some extra hours as Theo Epstien's right hand man? Engineering the Red Sox's post-season run?

What else?

Sorry I'm a little late on the news, but remember the Guantanamo army chaplain who got was accused of spying? His name is Captain James Yee. C'mon now... doesn't he look like any one of 4 or 5 people who you know? That guy could be anyone. I think he sort of looks like this kid Noph from Columbia.

Backlash what?

Stacy Pressman, who is really hot, goes off on metrosexuals in ESPN. Read it here!

The summer finale of the OC was pre-empted last night so they could show some stupid baseball game. Who can care about Barry when Seth, Eminem and the gang were going to T.J.????

Bay area freaks??

Evil
Mesmerize yourself with this for a few seconds...

Jets

This year the Jets are 0-2

Last year the Jets, Started the season 1-3 but Vinny went down and was replaced by the Chad. Who led the NFL in QB rating and made late season run into the Playoffs, embarrasing the Colts on their way to getting pushed around by the Raiders in the second round of the playoffs.

In 2001, The NY Football Jets started the season 1-2 (i think) before coming back, heating up and making a late play off run.

In 2000, the Jets finished 9-7 in the a season that included the monday Night Miracle and 3 wins early where they were outplayed embarrasingly until Al Groh finally cut loose Vinny and the Spread (eagle) offense.

In 1999, Vinny went down in game 1 and the Jets started the season horribly. After surviving the Rick Mirir debacle they brought in Big Play Ray Lucas, who earned himself a decent contract by leading the Jets to a respectable 8-8 record after some major upsets including smacking the Dolphins around something awful on a monday that I proudly recall.

In 1998, the J-E-T-S started the season with Glenn Foley who went down in Game 3, and was replaced by Vinny who led the team to a 12-4 record and an appearance in the AFC Championship game.

Where am I going with this...not sure....except that the Jets have not figured out how to start a season to save their life in the last 5 years.

Evil
A taco eating competition... hmm. Sounds intriguing, but you know what... I'll have to pass. I do enjoy some taco once in a while, but I don't see myself munching on a long line of them. Who knows where they've been? Those eating competitions never really look like they meet the minimum bar for cleanliness. Besides, I hate eating something and feeling bad about it afterwards. You chicks in the audience are probably familiar with that feeling, right? The second you are done swallowing, that guilt smacks you in the face. It's all about self love. Speaking of which... Shout out to MR. SHOULDERS. Just making sure he's still alive.

Paul Krugman has a pretty good Op-Ed piece in the Times today which better communicates my feelings watching the President's speech than I could. Normally I think Paul goes a bit far but I found this right on.

I am vibing with Wes Clark right now, anyone with a title that includes the phrase "supreme allied commander" is pretty cool. Still backing Howard Dean though...

Linen should generally only be worn while sailing or possibly at a BBQ. I know NYers tend to just wear it whenever its not cold but I am pretty sure that is overkill. The stuff wrinkles to easily and where can you walk around being wrinkled and not look dumb.

I usually keep it in the closet unless there is a polo match to attend.

This commercial seems to be part of some MBA backlash that I did not know existed. Its funny, i mean Jeremy Shockey backlash I understand, the guy is totally over exposed but are MBAs really that over exposed?

Wierd...

Speaking of backlash there is already some to my unfortunate Haasweek column, The Hustle, which is going to be a weekly feature. As soon as it gets posted on the Haasweek site, I will post a link. For those of you who don't know it will focus on my work to find a job. So far I have put zero effort into it, so imagine what the first article will be about. I have a wednesday deadline and I have nothing to write about. Sad.

More later

Evil
I think that X-TIAN should write a Metrosexual advice column. Why do I think that? Because sometimes I need the good advice of a metrosexual. As such, I am submitting the first question to X-TIAN's advice column in hopes that he'll answer it.

Dear X-TIAN,

People say that you can't wear white pants after Labor Day. But is it OK to wear linen pants after Labor Day? (Non-white ones, of course.) I don't feel as tho I've worn enough linen this year and want to get in a few more linen days before it becomes ass cold in NYC.

Unrelated...

I never did get that fly. Damn fly.

Evil
GOAL OF THE DAY

There is this damn fly that keeps landing on me. It's touch and go. Touch and go. The fly is pissing me off. He just landed on my nose, as if taunting me to smack my own face. I didn't fall for it. So HAH. My goal of the day is to smack this damn fly. I'll keep you all posted...

Evil


Let's do a little mental exercise, shall we? C'mon, it'll be fun!

The picture above is that of a baby walker. I trust you've all seen one of these contraptions in action at one point or another (despite the meagerness of your lives). Now try to imagine a similar jig... not for babies, but for dogs! Doggie slips into a little harness supported by a lightweight aluminum frame. The whole thing is on wheels and doggy scoots along the ground with the effective body weight of a mutt on the moon. Can you see it?

Well get this. I saw a woman walking her dog in such a contraption today! (I wish I had my camera with me, but I didn't.) The little dog was scooting along free and easy. Barely an effort.

When I caught hold of this, I did what came most naturally to me. Now, those of you who know me probably know that sometimes I say out loud thoughts that are in my head. You might also know that sometimes I have no idea how loud I'm talking, despite the fact that I'm talking really damn loud. As this woman and her pooch cross in front of me, I go: "DAMN WOMAN, YOUR DOG NEEDS TO TOUGHEN UP!"

She shot a nasty glare in my direction, as if to say, "Go put on a rice hat and build me a railroad, Chinaman." Okay, maybe I was overly-defensive there. But in any event, there I was... standing next to a woman whom I had clearly just insulted. I weighed my options:

1. Pretend I never said anything in the first place and give the woman a bewildered look. Bank on the fact that her being a white, older woman from the upper east side also makes her cuh-ray-zee. See if she will crumble under her own self doubt.

2. Think of a witty follow-up line to diffuse the tension. The downside of this option is that I have to think of a witty follow-up line.

3. Run away.

In that moment of truth, I went with Option 3. I think my mom, my friends, my minister, every teacher I've had from Kindergarten thru 12th grade, and my parole officer would all be proud of me.

Evil
The bugs are eating me alive. I swear. The past two nights I've hardly slept because when I'm not furiously scratching my feet, legs, arms, neck, and other places, I am lying still, feeling little insect nibbles on my skin.

This morning, I woke up with a tube of toothpaste beside my pillow. My feet and ankles were smeared with a flouridey-fresh tartar control formula. (Yay!) But why? In fact, I noticed that my legs, both elbows, parts of my forearm, my stomach, upper left thigh, and neck all sported clumsily applied circles of toothpaste. Apparently, my semi-conscious self wandered to the bathroom during the night to find a cure for these crazy bug bites.

Is my bed really THAT dirty? I never eat on it or anything. What can it be? Is my blood just that much better tasting than my neighbors' blood? There is a girl who lives one floor below me and she's quite the chubster. Hey bugs, if you're reading this... GO SUCK ON HER! Leave me alone. Please.

One Word

Bukkake!

Evil
Weird dreams last night.

In the first one, I heard the chattering of several teenage girls outside my bedroom window. I lifted the shade and peered outside. It was five or six teenage girls, all black, gathered on the fire escape for a quick smoke and a chat. They didn't see me. In the dream, I wondered to myself why I had never before noticed that huge fire escape.

In the second dream, I was still in my bedroom, still in bed. I heard the rickety door to the fire escape swing open. I lifted the shade and peered outside. It was a single teenage girl, still black, but in a light-skinned sort of way. The fire escape is no longer huge, but it's now much closer to my window. In fact, it's right at my window. I see the girl. She see me. She is embarrassed, stomps out her cigarette, and goes back inside.

I live on the 5th floor. The living room window of my apartment faces a small office building. One of the offices has sheets of shatterproof plastic installed on the outside of their windows. I noticed late last night that when the lights are out in the office, when it's dark outside, when it's dark inside my apartment, I have a clear and illuminated view of the apartment directly beneath me, reflected from the sheets of shatterproof plastic. That is, when the girl who lives in there has her halogen lamp on, as she did last night.

She is blonde. Last night, she wore a tight beige top that wrapped her tight body. I didn't see anyone else in her apartment but I'm not sure if she lives alone. When she went to the bathroom, she closed the door behind her. She watches TV with a severe forward lean. I wonder what drew her attention so. She sews. I watched as she pulled thread through cloth with slender outstretched arms. Who sews these days? Apparently, she does.

DAMN
	ouch, apparently Chad is out for 12 weeks and fantasy football GMs everywhere are scramble to take Chad off the depth chart and debate if Dante Culpepper will have a good year. What about Vinny? Who knows....he looked done last year but reports say he is in awesome condition. It might be over.

On Saturday, I checked out the Sprite Liquid Mix Tour in Concord, CA. Boy was it hot!. The bill was Talib Kweli, The Roots, O.A.R. and the headliners N.E.R.D.

I know its strange, how does N.E.R.D. headline over The Roots and what are the alt-southern frat rockers O.A.R even doing on that bill.

Not sure, all i know is that Pharrell is the Biggest Popstar out...and little girls were screaming their heads off singing along to "Brain" a rap about bj. Very interesting and a great show.

Evil
Where is X-TIAN? Clearly, this place falls apart when a certain Big Head is not around. Personally, I am too busy with my 12-step program to spend much time with you tool boxes. But I couldn't resist posting these pics:



WOW! Sexy.

(And that Kournikova chick isn't too shabby herself.)

Evil
Actually, thirteen year old girls have the advantage when it comes to writing screenplays. They just crank out something that might or might not be junk but every 27 year old with a Joey Tribbiani haircut is running out to see it under the assumption that the movie is about a thirteen year old girl who falls in with the wrong crowd and subsequently gets her vag poked (repeatedly). Oh, that IS what this movie is about?

Thirteen


In case you have not noticed I have been speeding to catch up ever since I got back from Brazil. I was kind of so busy down there I have not had a chance to sync up with simple stuff (say the California Recall etc or the new fall season of TV or the movies!)
I have been meaning to watch "Swimming Pool" but have not gotten around to it yet. However i think before I watch that I will watch thirteen from Fox Searchlight.

Apparently its about some thirteen year old girls freaking off, which would normally be enough for me to sign up but when you add in the advertisements I have been seeing in the Times and the NY Times Magazine Article I read today with Nikki Reed (the cowriter and co-star) it seems like a legitimate film.

Btw, Evil and I should be embarrased. Some thirteen year old girl cranked out a movie script and he and I are tooling around trying to find character motivations for some of the characters in our opus, At the Seems.

Good to be Home
For those of you who don't know, I have been laying low in O-Town for the last few days because its nice and hot and muggy down here and I needed to compress my entire summer into one week (its technically winter in Brazil where I was all summer so really I missed out on summer. Does that sentence make sense?)

Yesterday, for kicks, my mom threw in some home video from the mid eighties, in between making fun of my mom's hair style I slid in that I resembled something not unlike an ewok (just so no one would be mad at me for making fun of their hair). Of course, then my mother blew across the screen in something that might best be described as a silver jumpsuit and a rather intense perm. My brother commented that she also belonged some where far far away, battling the empire.

Before anyone got popped in the face for having a smart lip I went off to the outlet stores and did some shopping.
Purchases included

Assorted work out gear
Red Fitted short sleeved shirt
Linen Pants
2 containers of Body Wash

My mother looking over the spoils of my shopping victory quickly asked where the blue ascot was.

Good times....

How Old Are these People

Watch With Kristen today told me that the ratings for The O.C. though strong, were probably not where they should be. Which bummed me out because I think its a great show staring the guy with the scary eye brows, the guy who played Dave Rygaski (the asian fetishist, christian guitar rocker on Gilmore Girls) and assorted actors who look to old to be in high school. Check these people out.

Lets be serious are these actors who play Ryan and Marissa, respectively, really supposed to be in High School. Now before you all hit the IMDB and tell me that Mischa Baron's entry says she was born in 1986, let me just say, I know and I checked. But one should also note that she was born in England, which would probably make her British and everyone knows that Brits age quicker than most (Nigella Lawson aside). Anyway, I no longer remember my point except these people don't look like high schoolers, still the show rocks hard.

In addition to the O.C. I will be adding either Jake 2.0 or Tru Calling ( I haven't seen either yet, but one or both will be worth watching) as shows i will actually try to watch (as opposed to shows I just say I watch, I'm looking at you West Wing and you too Six Feet Under) in addition to my old standbys of Angel, Gilmore Girls and Alias.

Evil

Whoa! X-TIAN got his eyebrows waxed?! I'm as progressive as the next dude but hey, I gotta ask... at what point does metrosexuality cross over into full on gayness?

Getting one's eyebrows waxed?

Spending the afternoon at a male beauty parlor? (More on this later.)

Lifting weights with your buddy and then saying something about your girlfriend complaining that you have a flat ass and your buddy goes, no way, you so don't have a flat ass and just to prove it your buddy bets that he can't stick his cock in your ass and before you know it your mom is at the door asking if everything is ok in there because she heard all the grunting. Is THAT gay?

In any event, props go out to X-TIAN because I think he may well be The Original Metrosexual. Way before the NYT article. Back in 1999, X-TIAN came up to me one day at work and suggested that we go get our nails done at John Allan's. WHAT? John Allan's also offers a "full service" package that includes shampoo & conditioning, hot face towel, haircut, manicure, and a shoeshine. They'll even bring you a pint of beer or cocktail while you're being serviced. The only disappointing part is that "full service" doesn't include a BJ, but maybe metrosexuals aren't into that kind of stuff? Someone please verify...

Lastly, I have appointed myself to the post of X-TIAN's manager. In exchange for managing his business career and negotiating his contracts, I get a 10% cut. Additionally, I am currently negotiating with John Allan's to sponsor the Metrosexual Move of the Week feature.

(Bonus: Here's a classic comedy bit to brighten your day, scumbag.)

Evil
PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999 (B.C.)

I've heard it suggested that once you go black, you never go back. Personally speaking, I'll take electricity any day. The city went black for all of 16 hours, which in the grand scheme of things doesn't seem like such a big deal but let me tell you, I went batty by minute five.

Luckily, it turns out that my downstairs neighbors are incredibly proactive people. They dropped by to ask me if I had any perishables in the fridge. I said no, but I did offer them some sausage and salty nuts. They declined, but invited me down to the front of the apartment for the Blackout BBQ.

The girls went to buy charcoal while all the dudes in the building made a fast break for the nearest Indian convenience store with a liquor case. It's obvious everyone had the same thing on their minds: Someone is going to get "blackout lucky."

People brought down their perishables and folding chairs and sat and drank beer while a girl whose pants kept threatening to fall down tended to the fire. The grill was set up on the garbage can cubby and the folding chairs mingled among the day's uncollected garbage. The rats, whose turf we had overtaken for the night, retreated for fear of getting BBQ'd. This was a classy operation.

We had to drink fast because nothing was going to keep the beer cool for long. The girls waved to passers-by and shouted, Happy Blackout! At some point, I think propositioned the blonde, but I think I did so in a very sloppy way. It was classy. Very classy.

Waiting

While we wait for one of the 3 NY based contributors to check in with a report from The City that Electricity Forgot (anyone?) I figured I would hold down the fort.

I arrived at my home in the Oakland Hills (tentativily titled "The Who Knew 2" House , The Real Gay World House? i dunno you decide) on sunday evening to find no one there. None of my 3 roommates were there and I had to break into the house. I ran around the outside till I found an open door and entered. At this point I realized that I was a 6'2'' Latino breaking into a 1.5 MM dollar home in the Oakland Hills looking incredibly hairy and very suspicious. Also, I was not sure this was actually the right house as I had been working on 6 hours sleep in the last 72 hours. Not Good. Not good at all. I sat down and sorted thru all the mail hoping to find one of my room mates stuff and calming down. No luck. Luckily I had the lease agreement in my bag and realized that Mr. Roos is the same Mr. Roos who signed the other part of this lease. I calmed down found a couch and passed out.

By tuesday night, i had moved most of my stuff into the house and was officially able to breathe. I sat down and caught up on some TV. After watching some Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, i finally got around to watching The O.C. which might be the best show on TV ever. The only real comparison to 90210 is that no one on the show (outside of Seth) looks like they are 25. Other than that, the show is clearly superior. Of course, at this point in my mind the only thing I remember about 90210 was the 7 season story arc about whether Donna and David would have sex and the secondary 3 season story arc where we were waiting for Val's head to stop growing. Anyway, loved The O.C. but watching that right after Queer Eye got me all stressed out:





The convergence of Peter Gallagher's out of controll eye brows after watching Kyan get all freaked out over some fat guy's back hair reminded me that I was in bad need of an EYE BROW WAXING.

Peter, buddy, you're on TV, your eye brows have been freaking me out since American Beauty, get something done.

Metrosexual move of the week
Wednesday, motivated and disturbed, I hopped down the hill to College Ave, got a hair cut and a waxing. While getting my waxing, I noticed that they had all sorts of Nickel brand men's grooming products at 40% off, i started doing doing my dainty dance, all excited about how my facial skin was going to come back after 3 months of neglect in Brazil. They were discontinuing carrying the line, but would be happy to special order stuff for me to pick up whenever I got waxed. i was all set! Yah! The women also shared where I, a man of class and distinction could go to buy men's grooming products without risking stigmatization from people who would not understand or accept. I nodded at them appreciatively and agreed to come back in a month's time. My whole life, coming together before my eyes! YAY!

At least till, I decided I would jog back up the hills to my place, which is about 2 miles away and at some substantial elevation. Woops. Boy did that suck, 90 degrees, running up hill, at NOON, with all sorts of loose hairs from a haircut and mildly irritated forehead from the eye brow waxing. There was question as to whether I would make it. I'm still not sure how i did, seeing as how I had to stop to scratch the itchy loose hairs everywhere. ILL

wow, sorry, i dont have a meaningful ending. whatever...

what the hell is going on in NYC? HELLO???

Kicking it up a notch
Yo, due to popular demand, we are going to keep the blog going. However, I must admit, I think we need to kick it up a notch and bring some new blood into the blog. Over the next few days I will approaching certain charismatic individuals (such as yourselves) about posting from time to time. I think so far the blog has been a raging success, from our in depth sports to coverage to our anticipation of the current "cool gay stuff" fad. In honor of all that, I got a new feature "Metrosexual Move of the Week" and other stuff coming along the pike.

My flight back from Brazil is worth mentioning. My Itinerary went like this

8pm flight from Sao Paulo to Miami was delayed for two hours, so it departed at 10pm local time. My visa had expired so I had to sign all these form indicating I would pay some fine once I returned to the country. I laughed at the federal police officer and offered a calming "sure, whatever". In the Duty Free I picked up some cachasa, which was realy smart what with me carrying an 80lb backpack and a shopping bag full of souveniers.

5:30 local time. I arrive in Miami after watching Down with Love (booo) and Agent Cody Banks (yah!) My opinion on these movies is entirely dependant on my tolerance for the females in the film. I have not enjoyed a film Renee Zellweger has been in since Empire Records. On the other side, I thought Angie Harmon rocked. I finally understand why Jason Sehorn can't cover me on the football field anymore, he spends all his time staring at his wife. I know I would. But I digress, I got to Miami and was informed I had to clear customs and immigration and the department of agriculture and whatever else AFTER I claimed my baggage, and after all the processing I would again recheck my luggage. At every point, I was told that I need to run to make my connection to Orlando.

"I'm not telling you to run, but if I were you I would run. Where have you been?"

"waiting for my luggage."

"well hurry up"

"the plane was DELAYED. Its not like its me that sucking, the plane was two hours late"

"whatever"

"god damn right whatever...what?"

In orlando i met the parents and Bump who took me to breakfast, after making fun of me for two hours and then dropped me off again so I could go to HelL. A. because the Scooter was marrying his long time love, Cathy, in SB (congrats to those crazy kids, ALL the BEST BABY)

In the airport in Atlanta (don't ask) I stopped to use Laptop Lane and was immediately bombarded by Thai and others on the IM. before I jumped off I downloaded a bunch of taylor dane songs, I was delirious with exhaustion, but for some reason i was thinking of Taylor Dane, strange.

In the rental car ( a penis shaped silver Dodge Intrepid) on the 405, I nearly broke down crying. I was tired and for some reason it took me an hour to go 13 miles to get to the free way to SB (13? I dont remember).

I arrived to the rehearsal dinner at 8pm Pacific Time (after a quick check in/shower at the hotel) and somehow found a second (or a third wind). By 2 am, I was in a Special K with 5 other people buying booze to take back to my hotel to continue drinking.

By 8am saturday morning, I was re-enacting scenes from leaving Las Vegas, I woke up shaking and still more drunk than hung over surrounded by bottles and odd mixing ingredients (squirt? hawian punch? what?)

The wedding itself was outstanding, casual elegance is the best way to describe it. Definitely one of the niftiest weddings I have been too (aside from the classic Cheo wedding where I was also a groomsman and got to wear a top hat and had a cane that I could use to ditty bop with had I needed to. Shout out to Cheo) The couple looked smashing and the families represented themselves well by taking the microphone to share a few amusing annecdotes and make moving speeches. For myself, I did my part as groomsman and balanced out the height (all the bridesmaids were over 5' 11''!!!) and take up some space. I too, was elegant, if understated...and worked hard on not sweating, which is a lot more work than it seems.

Somehow after the wedding, we did a rinse repeat on the whole drinking in my hotel room pissing off the people next door. Around 4am we tried to get some cabs and encountered an annoying front desk receptionist. Dr T (of the infamous Crack Pack) amused himself by crank calling her for the next hour or so!

By Sunday I was on the plane back from LA to Oakland. I got to my new house (pics to be posted forthcoming) and had to break in to get in the house as no one was there.

this is a long entry. back later with more.

BACK

I have not posted anything for a while so I figured I would just riff and hope to say something interesting

Mike Tyson is broke which is pretty nuts. I remember running into the Champ at the Time Hotel I was hanging out with some people I did not know (or like for that matter), so in a sad attempt to impress them I tried to roll over and pretend I rolled with Iron Mike. I was all like "Champ, let me roll with you, yo" he looked at me and said something to the effect of "you gotta be kidding me". Still love ya Champ.

Who else is pumped up about watching "O.C." on Fox this Fall???


I think the standard by which all facial hair should be judged is George Michael. This picture does not even do justice to what is actually going on with his face. There is a lot of stuff going on there. Check it out for yourself when you can.
Seriously, it must take 3 shaves a day to maintain that stuff.



Counting today, I have two days left working and 3 days left in SP. I would be remiss if I did not give a shout out to the crowd that more or less adopted me while I was in Brazil. I am going to make up names for most of them right now; Charles River Bandit, PrincessPZ, DirtyP for keeping things interesting and the crew at New Citi Flats for keeping me from smelling interesting.

Evil

From upper left: Jaime Cerda, Pedro Feliciano, John Franco, Jae Seo, Jason Phillips, Vance Wilson, Tony Clark, Jose Reyes, Ty Wingginton (not pictured), Cliff Floyd, Timo Perez

Although the Mets are having a crappier season than Big Brother 4, they ARE leading the league in something... According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the Amazin's are the team to beat when it comes to amazingly gay facial hair... at LOTS of it. I only noticed this today while watching the Mets vs. Cardinals on channel 11. This is what happens to people who don't have cable TV: they get stuck watching the adopted stepchild of New York baseball. Wait, did I have a point? I'm not sure. All I know is that I spent the last 30 minutes on mlb.com pulling the URLs of Mets players. How GAY IS THAT?!? (Someone shoot me.)

Evil


The nice thing about summer is that you can buy peaches and plums on the cheap. There's a Pakistani guy up the street who mans a fruit stand on weekdays. I buy a crapload of peaches and plums from him and he'll usually throw in a mango or whatnot. That guy is cool. Peaches and plums are cool. But you know what's NOT cool? Those damn fruit flies.

I'm trying to get the fruit flies to leave my apartment and one of the things I'm doing is to not have any organic matter in the garbage cans. So I find myself sitting around, eating peaches and plums... but what to do with the pits? Well, I've recently developed the hobby of pelting pigeons with fruit pits. Hey, I'm no Doc Gooden, but it turns out that my arm isn't half bad. I might even try out for Little League next spring.

On an unrelated note, I'd like to point out that X-TIAN is applying a double standard to me vs. Gary Sheffield. Why does Gary Sheffield get a big WORD UP, whereas I got a decidedly negative reaction for saying the exact same thing just the day before:

EVIL: i look tooly in a dress shirt
EVIL: there's too much room around the collar
X-TIAN: why is that?
EVIL: i am temporarily under my normal weight
X-TIAN: oh
X-TIAN: why temporarily?
EVIL: my shirts have to accomodate for a 20 pound swing
EVIL: in the winter i'm around 180 pounds
EVIL: right now i am 162
EVIL: i sweat more in the summer
X-TIAN: thats pretty gross
EVIL: i guess
EVIL: i hope no one notices all this room around my collar
EVIL: it's embarrassing
EVIL: i am wearing a $95 but ill-fitting shirt
X-TIAN: nice